Silver Lining
by Pixil-8
Summary: He seemed like the sunshine you'd feel on a warm spring day- couldn't he see I was a hurricane, ready to destroy everything in my path? Why would he want to get to know the fragmented person that I am? (SaeranxYoosung, Rated M for explicit scened and possible NSFW)
1. Sunshine

Hi everyone! I hope you are all doing fantastic!

EDIT: Before I mentioned that It was implied that Saeran hadn't been brought back- I was very tired when i began this story, and I messed up what happened at the end of Seven's ending , where Saeran pops up saying "Wake up, you haven't found me yet" as what happened at the very end of the Secret 02 Endings. My bad ^^;

This story is based off of the idea that after being saved and taken from the hospital, Saeran stayed with Saeyoung and joined the RFA, and is trying to get better, and accept his brother, himself, and everyone else. And a certain little blonde beam of sunshine may just be the one who truly helps him... Hehe.

I ship Yooran so much it isn't even funny, I just want this ship to be popular okay *cries*

Anyways, This story will probably be a long one. Quite long, i am hoping. I have a lot of ideas for this fan fiction, and so I hope you stick with me to the end!

NOTE: Just for emotion's sake, and to give a sense of humanity to the character, I'm naming MC Jade. I feel it will be easier to associate emotion to her if she has a legitimate name in this particular story.

I do not own Mystic Messenger.

* * *

I shifted my weight, trying to find a position to aid my discomfort- nothing worked. I wrapped my arms around myself, a natural defence mechanism. I gazed at everyone in the room, just under the veil of my hair. I flicked my bangs out of the way, only to sigh as they fell back in place. I was still getting used to having my hair back to my natural colour. For so long, I avoided being like him- in any way, as much as I could, being his twin- that it was such a strange feeling to have allowed the change. I was still unsure whether it was a good change or not.

My arms resumed their hold around my stomach, my back pressed against the wall as I watched everyone interact. Jade was laughing at something Saeyoung had said, and I could see Jaehee shaking her head in disapproval as he wiggled his eyebrows. My brother had always been more cheerful and positive than I was, but it seemed now he had grown up to be quite the prankster and joke connoisseur.

I diverted my eyes, looking over towards Zen and Jumin, who seemed to be arguing about something. Probably cats, considering Zen looked as though he was about to sneeze.

I sighed, a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach as I looked down to my feet. Saeyoung and Jade were trying to convince everyone desperately that I was getting better, and that I was safe to have in the organization, but I could see in everyone else's eyes, I could feel it- the doubt, the fear, the uncertainty.

I rubbed my forehead slowly with two of my fingers, sucking in a deep breath.

I couldn't really blame them, though. I did attack them, threaten to hurt them, try to kill Saeyoung, tried to kill myself... It really wasn't painting the best picture for me. I felt sick suddenly. I needed to leave.

I turned on my heel, walking down the hallway towards the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I locked it, leaning back against the door, my legs failing me. I slid down against it, soon the cold of the tile floor chilling my hands. I could feel bile swirling in my stomach, panic arising. I crawled to the toilet, retching as I knelt over it, my head spinning, stars bursting behind my eyes, blinding me.

I continued to lean against the ceramic bowl of the toilet, trying to calm my breathing, and failing miserably. I had always experienced panic attacks, ever since I was young, even more so in Mint Eye- but they always gave me a needle, and I calmed down instantly. I was experiencing withdrawals frequently- Saeyoung had taken me to a doctor and they prescribed me medication for anxiety and schizophrenia, but I felt sick taking it. I felt sick anyways, but god, I just felt so much worse- whether it was a legitimate reaction to the meds, or my own head causing me to feel that way, I had no idea.

I vomited again, tears pooling into my eyes from the burning in my throat. I coughed, trying to dislodge the bile, spitting it down into the water below me. I stood slowly on my quivering legs, leaning on the bathroom counter for support. I flushed the toilet, looking at myself in the mirror.

My mint-coloured eyes were bloodshot, emphasizing their unnatural shade even more. Strands of red hair were stuck to my forehead because of the sweat gathered there, and my cheeks were flushed. I turned on the tap, splashing water on my face, trying to ease the tension under the surface of my skin. The cool liquid helped to bring me down a bit, reminding me of the real world- I was not in danger. I was safe. This wasn't a fabrication of my twisted mind.

I turned to the towel hung on the wall, lifting it to dry my face gently, letting out a slow breath, my panic subsiding, ebbing away slowly like an ocean does to the shore. I opened the door, prepared to make my way out, but gasped in surprise as I slammed into something and fell backwards, landing hard on my palms and ass.

"Wha-Ow!" I rubbed my hip in agitation, feeling a flame of aggression rise inside me, and I clenched my jaw hard in an attempt to quell it. I couldn't let that side of me take over, I had to control it. I looked up to see what I had run into, and saw Yoosung, half-kneeling over my legs, a bright pink flush on his face, his violet eyes wide with surprise.

He suddenly registered the situation, the flush growing deeper, embarrassment covering his features.

"Oh.. Oh! OH!" He jumped back, hiding his face in his hands. "Oh my god! I'm so sorry! I was- I was just- I saw you go in here, and I thought I heard you sick- and- Oh god, I'm sorry!"

I blinked slowly at the blond, taking in what he said. He noticed me leave?

"It's... Okay." I spoke slowly, cautiously. I couldn't take too much of what he said into account. From what I knew about everyone, he was the most innocent, but I was sure that he was just as suspicious of me as everyone else. He probably just had an easier time being nice.

I dusted myself off, attempting to stand, but he shot up like a lightning bolt, holding his hand out to me. I blinked again, a nervous twitch shaking through me at the thought of touching him. Physical contact was a thing I was still becoming accustomed to, and was slightly afraid of- but I felt myself reaching out to his hand anyways. Perhaps because I could sense this person was very gentle by nature, and I had no reason to be concerned about him being a threat.

He grasped my hand, steadying himself as he assisted me in standing up. I looked at his hand in my own. Although he was pale, I was much more so by comparison- a result of the past years I dealt with. I glared at my skin, a loathing rising inside me again, but it was calmed as fast as it came as I focused on how warm his hands were against my seemingly permanently cold skin.

"Um.. Saeran...?"

I looked up at him questioningly, saying nothing, and he smiled sheepishly.

"Y..You're still holding my hand."

My eyes shot wide, my hand retracting like it had been burned. I looked away, coughing awkwardly.

"...Sorry. I spaced out, I guess..."

Yoosung smiled widely at me, rubbing his neck.

"It's okay! It's my fault anyways for running into you so suddenly."

I remained silent, looking back at the ground. I didn't want to look at him. He seemed so innocent, and pure- I felt like I could stain him just by making eye contact. Suddenly he was leaning down, looking up at my line of vision and I stepped back, surprised.

"W-What?"

Yoosung blinked, his eyebrows knitting together in concern.

"Well... You were vomiting, right..? I heard it when I followed you down the hall. Are you okay?"

I felt an unfamiliar feeling grow in my stomach. What was this? I don't know. I felt panic rising inside me once more- new emotions were something I never handled well. I swallowed, trying to stop the storm brewing within my depths. I glared at Yoosung coldly, my body acting on impulse.

"Why do you care?" I spat the words at him, immediately feeling a pang of regret at being unable to stop the rage my body had grown so accustomed to. I wanted to apologize, but I couldn't- my throat was frozen, so I tore my eyes away from him, staring at my feet in frustration.

"You're Saeyoung's brother," I flinched as he spoke, "and now, you're a member of the RFA. Of course I'm concerned, anyone would be."

I let out a dry chuckle, shaking my head. "No, the others are all suspicious of me. The only reason I'm in the RFA is because Saeyoung convinced them to let me in. I'm sure they don't want me here."

"I do."

I blinked at the floor, my fingernails digging into my palm. Was he lying? Was he pretending? I looked up at him, and his face looked serious, but it mostly came off looking like a frustrated puppy. I had to fight the urge to smile- something that was strange within itself.

"...Why?" My voice came out soft, genuinely confused. I couldn't see any reason why any of the RFA members would want to get to know me, especially Yoosung. He seemed like the sunshine you'd feel on a warm spring day- couldn't he see I was a hurricane ready to destroy everything in my path? Why would he want to get to know the fragmented person that I am?

A small smile crept up on his face as he played with his hands nervously.

"Well... I don't really know how to word the exact reason.. It's kind of more of a feeling..?" He looked up at me, his eyes hopeful I would get his point.

I didn't.

"Feeling?" I repeated feebly, not understanding what he meant at all. Feelings were not my strong suit- positive ones weren't, anyways.

He laughed, rubbing his neck- it seemed to be a nervous habit of his. I watched his eyes flicker downwards, something he seemed to do when embarrassed. He looked even more innocent like this.

"Yeah, I guess it's just that I feel like I need to talk to you- well, no. Not need," He smiled wider, blushing in embarrassment, "I guess I just really want to?"

"Because I'm Saeyoung's brother?"

Yoosung shook his head, not a moment after I spoke.

"No, not because of that. You just have a vibe, I guess. It makes me want to know you, because you're... Well. Because you're you. Not because of Saeyoung. He has nothing to do with it."

I stared at him, my right hand squeezing my left arm hard. I was sure there would be a bruise later. I break from his gaze, looking to the side. I shifted my weight, trying to think of what to do, or say.

"...Whatever."

I could hear Yoosung gasp quickly in excitement, now bouncing on his toes.

"Does that mean I can talk to you?!"

I shrugged, looking at him from the corner of my eye, looking back down at the ground not even a second later.

"Do... Whatever you want. I don't care." I stepped by him, walking down the hall. He remained still for a moment before excitedly bounding after me. I felt the corners of my lips twitch momentarily, immediately straightening back down into a hard line.

This was stupid.

* * *

And that's it for chapter one ! I hope you guys liked it :3

Stay Rad!

~Pixil-8


	2. LOLOL

Hello everyone! I'm back! :D GOD I'm so excited for this fan fiction and everything that is going to be involved- I would just keep constantly writing if it wasn't for the fact that I have to work almost every night DX Sigh. Anyways, here we go!

I do not own MM.

* * *

I was curled up on my bed, flipping listlessly through the pages of the book I was reading- It was a Stephen King novel, one author I found very intriguing indeed. Just as I was about to turn the page, my phone went off. I turned to it slowly, blinking at it as thought it were an alien, before sighing. It had to be Saeyoung, nobody else ever messaged or called me.

I picked it up, feeling a chill run over me as I saw Yoosung's face on the screen. I hesitated for a moment before answering the call, holding the receiver to my ear.

"...Hello..?"

"SAERAN!"

I jumped as he yelled into the phone, a noise of discomfort escaping my lips, and I heard him gasp over the receiver.

"Oh! I'm sorry! I was too loud. I got excited, I didn't think you'd pick up!"

I scratched my head, unsure of what to say.

"Well.. I'm here. What do you want."

I cursed myself internally, having hoped to be a bit more gentle- it seemed I was cursed to be cynical forever.

"Oh, well I was just wondering if you maybe... wanted to hang out with me?"

I blinked slowly, replaying the question in my head. Hang out? With Yoosung?

"...Why?"

Yoosung giggled into the phone, and that strange feeling in my abdomen surfaced once again. I shoved it back down- I didn't understand it, I didn't want to.

"You ask why a lot, Saeran."

I picked at my nails, trying to quell my anxiety.

"Well... Why?"

He laughed again.

"Well, at the party you asked what I do for fun, and I told you about LOLOL, and you seemed interested! I thought it might be nice to show you the game!"

I blinked as I recalled the memory of after I had walked from the hall, Yoosung in close pursuit, myself standing awkwardly against the wall, unsure of what to say or do, so I asked about his hobbies and what he did for fun, to which the response was him excitedly going on about the game LOLOL for almost two hours. I almost felt myself laugh at some points during his explanation just because of how excited he was.

I glanced at the book next to me, unsure whether I should continue immersing myself alone in fictional stories, or go immerse myself in a fictional world with another person.

With another person.

I swallowed, feeling anxiety building up all over again. I wasn't sure if I was ready for this. What if I break down? What if I lose control?

"Are you sure you want to hang out with me? There are probably better people for you to talk to."

"But I want to be your friend."

I sucked in a breath slowly.

 _Friend._

I don't think I've ever heard that word. At least, not towards me. I don't think I've ever had anyone I considered a friend, or who considered me one. I closed my eyes tightly, repressing the urge to hang up and curl into myself, ignoring all existence.

"...When?"

"Oh, well, I don't have classes today! You could come whenever you want!"

I looked at the clock, which flashed the numbers 1:00 P.M. at me and I sighed, picking at my nails again.

"... I don't know how to get there."

"Oh, well um... Saeyoung knows. You could ask him, or Jade. They'll tell you! Maybe he could give you a ride!"

I squeezed my hands, still loathing the idea of relying on him- though I allowed myself to do so, and was trying to accept it, it was still a difficult thing for me. I took a deep breath, running my hand through my hair, pulling at it gently.

"I.. Could come at like.. 4 P.M.. I guess."

Yoosung squeaked in excitement, and I felt my lips twitch again. This boy made me feel strange, and I wasn't sure what it meant.

"Oh, great! Awesome! I can't wait! I'll see you then! Bye Saeran!"

He hung up the phone, and I lowered it from my ear, staring down at it contemplatively. I couldn't decide if I had made the right choice, agreeing to this. I was still afraid of trying to connect with other humans. The only healthy relationship I had ever had was my past with Saeyoung, and although I was trying again to rebuild that, every other interaction had been less than ideal.

It almost seemed unfair to Yoosung to allow him to get his hopes up that I would be a good person.

I swung my legs off the side of the bed, standing up and walking to the door. I went into the kitchen and saw Jade's back turned to me, washing the dishes. I stayed silent for a moment, unsure of how to ask this favour, or whether it was worth it.

"... Wasn't it his turn to do dishes?"

She practically jumped out of her skin, turning around quickly before letting out a breath, her hand on her chest.

"Saeran! God, you scared me! Your footsteps are so quiet!"

I looked at the ground, rubbing my arm.

".. Sorry."

She shook her head, laughing.

"No, no, it just surprised me. Anyways, yes, it was his turn, but I may have eaten a lot of his Honey Buddha chips, so I was hoping this would be good enough for him to forgive me." She laughed sheepishly, putting the last plate on the rack, drying her hands on the dishtowel.

"Did you need something?"

I looked away, crossing my arms.

"...I guess."

She smiled patiently, stepping towards the cabinet.

"Want some tea?"

I looked at her, nodding slowly. She knew that tea was very calming for me when my anxiety was flaring. I don't know how she did it, but she was always good at keeping me calm, and stable. I watched as she began to heat up the tea pot, preparing the mugs with the tea bags. Soon enough she handed me a piping hot cup of jasmine, my favourite.

I stared into it, wondering why she was so kind to me, and before I could ask, she answered, seeming to have read my mind.

"You deserve to be treated kindly, you know. You aren't a terrible person, Saeran." She placed her hand gently on my forearm, and I didn't flinch away- she had a gentle touch. It was welcoming, the kind you'd expect from a mother or a sister.

I frowned at the thought of mothers. Jade was more like how a true mother should be. She tapped my arm, bringing me back to the present, and I sighed shakily, bracing myself.

"...Yoosung asked me to hang out."

She beamed at my words, clasping her hands together.

"Oh my gosh, that's great!"

I raised an eyebrow, staring back down to my tea.

"Is it?"

She nodded fervently, blowing on her own cup of raspberry-flavoured tea.

"Yes! I really think you and Yoosung could be close friends! He's such a kind soul, and he also tends to be a bit of a hermit, since he's so obsessed with games. I think you'll be good for each other."

I took in her words, running over every one in my mind. I could see why she would find him to be good for me, but I couldn't see a single way that I would be good for him. I looked at her, and as I stared at her excited brown eyes, I allowed my doubts to wash away, leaving behind the natural emptiness I felt.

"If you say so.. But the problem is, I don't know how to get there, or have a way to get there."

She waved her hand, smiling.

"Don't worry about it! I can take you. Saeyoung gave me the keys to one of his cars."

I raised my eyebrows, genuinely surprised.

"What? Isn't he obsessed with those things?"

Jade smiled mischievously.

"Okay, maybe he didn't give me the keys, maybe I found them... After meticulous searching. But I'm a good driver, so it's okay."

I let out a small laugh- I always found Jade's antics against my brother hilarious, they were always pranking each other and getting back at each other, but she always seemed to be one step ahead.

"You're quite a handful for him."

She grinned, shaking some hair off her shoulder.

"Good."

We laughed together, and I squeezed the glass of tea in my hands, lifting it to my lips and taking a sip, the warmth flowing throughout. This was a strange feeling, but I kind of enjoyed it.

* * *

I stared up at the building outside, which was apparently to be Yoosung's apartment. I swallowed the bile rising in my throat, trying to stop the panicked breaths that were about to rise. I felt a hand rest on my shoulder, and I turned, coming face to face with Jade, who smiled at me comfortingly.

"It'll be okay. I promise."

I nodded slowly, picking at my nails still. I couldn't help but feel scared, nervous, concerned. No matter how many times she insisted that it would be fine, I was terrified that I would do something, anything to mess it up- whether it be my dark, empty personality, or the demons that resided inside me, it could be either.

She rubbed my back, urging me to go, and I unbuckled my seatbelt, opening the door. I put my feet on the sidewalk, giving one last glance over my shoulder, to which she gave me a thumbs up. I sighed, reaching into my pocket for my phone, dialling Yoosung's number, astonished when he picked up almost immediately.

"Saeran! Are you here?"

"...Yeah. Outside."

"Okay! Be right there!"

He hung up, and I waited awkwardly, playing with the strings of my sweater. Suddenly the front door swung open, and I was greeted with Yoosung waving wildly at me. I gave a quick wave to Jade, signalling it was fine for her to leave, before making my way up the pathway. I stopped a foot or two before Yoosung, looking at the ground, glaring down at it, that familiar uncertainty brewing within me.

"How are you?"

I looked up, his face bright and smiling as it always seemed to be. I shrugged, rubbing my neck. He continued to smile, holding the door wider.

"Well, follow me! I'll show you to my place. It's not super big, but it's home."

I walked behind him, following him up the stairs, listening as he explained that the elevator had been broken for nearly 5 months, and the landlords just refused to fix it. We stopped in front of his door as he fumbled with his keys, blushing shyly as he dropped them. I fought back a laugh as he finally got the right one, opening the door.

He let me go in first, and I took off my shoes, looking around the place. The walls were painted yellow, and it was basically a hall with a bathroom, and kitchen off to the side, and the bedroom at the end. I turned back to him questioningly, wondering where I was supposed to go. He smiled, pointing at the door at the end of the hall.

"My room is just down there! That's where the computer is."

He moved by me, his arm brushing my side, and I flinched a bit, trying to escape the foreign contact. I hated that I reacted this way, but I couldn't help it, and didn't know how to make it stop. He paused at his door, looking back towards me, concern on his face.

"Saeran? Are you okay?"

I swallowed, nodding, following after him. He opened his bedroom door, stepping inside, myself on his heels. I looked at the bed against the wall by the door, a small dresser next to it. A shelf sat just below the window, and a computer was set up on the desk against the wall opposite the bed. Yoosung blushed as I observed the room, hastily picking up the mess he had left behind, which really was only some clothes that didn't quite make the hamper.

"Sorry about the mess, I don't usually have people over," He paused, laughing at himself as he dropped the clothes in the hamper, "well, ever, actually."

I bit my lip, staring at him.

"...Why?"

Yoosung laughed, pointing at the computer.

"Most of my friends are online, I don't talk to many people outside the RFA."

I nodded slowly, not really able to accept that answer. I think he sensed my uncertainty, as he tilted his head questioningly. I felt warmth prickle my cheeks as I looked away.

"...You just seem.. Very friendly, and.. Well, nice I guess. So it seems weird that you don't talk to a lot of people." I looked at him again, and his eyes were sparkling with happiness at the compliment. I cleared my throat, looking away again. "...Or something."

"Thank you! I'm glad you think that way, hehe." He rubbed his neck again, his own cheeks a dazzling pink, before turning to the computer. "So, this is my setup! Should I show you the game?"

I shrugged again, and his smile grew wider, urging me towards his gaming chair. I glanced at the stool by its side, pointing at it.

"Shouldn't I sit there?"

He shook his head.

"Nope! I always use the comfy chair, it's fine if I don't use it for once. Besides, I'm not the one playing!"

I blushed a bit, shaking it away as I sat down, awkwardly looking at the keyboard before me. He sat on the stool, scooting it closer as he reached across me ever so slightly to begin opening the game. I watched his hands typing for a moment before I trailed my eyes over his features. He was shorter than me, only by a bit. I could see a glimpse of his brown roots peeking out underneath his blonde hair dye. His purple eyes reflected the screen before him, and I watched as they looked focused, yet excited. He turned to me suddenly, and I jumped, tearing my gaze away.

"What is it?"

I shook my head slowly, picking at my hands.

"Nothing. Sorry. Spaced out, again."

He smiled, turning back to the computer.

"That's okay! Here, take the mouse and I'll explain the basics of the game."

He moved over so I could centre my chair with the computer, reaching for the mouse. I looked at the loading screen, where it suddenly changed to a log in or sign up option. I clicked 'sign up' and he helped direct me through the motions. A new screen came up, one with a pixelated character before me.

"Okay, here's where you build your character! You can choose your race, gender, and looks/base armour, so pick whatever you like!"

I stayed silent, clicking around the screen. I kept my gender as my own, and Human as my race. I tried to make the character look as similar to myself as possible- I didn't like the idea of playing something that didn't look like me. I gave it bright minty eyes, and red hair that was slightly longer than my own, adorning some simple black light armour.

I looked over to Yoosung, not sure of what to do next, and saw him smiling at me, and I felt my cheeks heat up a bit as I realized he was very close to me. I leaned back a bit, coughing.

"...What?"

"I was just thinking how i'm not surprised you chose to make your character look a lot like you."

"How so?"

Yoosung laughed, shaking his head.

"No reason, I just had a feeling."

I frowned, turning back to the computer.

"Is there a problem with making it look like me?"

"No, you look nice."

I squeezed the mouse, the warmth in my cheeks rising.

"Um.."

Yoosung suddenly sat up straight, blushing bright pink.

"Oh, um, I mean- that- Well, I just-"

"Thanks."

He froze, looking at me, and I looked over to him, my eyes meeting his for a brief second. He blinked, much like a baby deer, and I began fidgeting with my nails again.

"...For the compliment. Thanks."

Yoosung nodded happily- he looked so excited that I thought he would sprout dog ears and a tail. I really could see why everyone compared him to a puppy. I allowed the corner of my lip to curve ever so slightly as he rattled on detailed explanations about the game, listening intently.

Maybe Jade was right.

* * *

That's it for chapter 2!

Gahhh I feel i could have been more detailed about the game, but I've never even played LOL so... ;0; oh whale.

I hope you guys liked it!

:3

Stay Rad!

~Pixil-8


	3. Panic Attacks

Hello again :D So, on the bus ride home last night, I wrote out bullet notes for the next few chapters on my iPod's notepad- and I have notes for the next 8 chapters! So I'm hoping I can burn them out quickly since I have the basic ideas planned out :3

So here we go!

POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter has anxiety attacks/ mentions of schizophrenia/ and panicked bodily harm. If any of these trigger you, please read at your own risk.

I do not own MM.

* * *

"Saeran? Are you.. Alright?"

I had been pacing around the house for almost two hours, biting and picking at my hands and nails, refusing to speak. I registered Saeyoung's voice, but I felt no reason to respond, as the answer should be evidently clear, even though this is about the twentieth time he had asked me. I bit down hard on my thumb, tasting a bit of blood in my mouth.

My anxiety had been at an all-time high since I woke up this morning, my body in a cold sweat. I don't know what I dreamed about, but whatever it was triggered me into a state of fight or flight, and as a result, making me extremely restless and confused as I didn't know what to fight or run from. I pulled at my hair, angry with myself- I had tried all of the coping mechanisms that I had been learning about in therapy, but nothing was working. I felt sick to my stomach, my hands were clammy, my breathing was laboured, and it felt like there were voices speaking to me.

I had taken my meds, but they weren't helping. I didn't notice Saeyoung leave the room as I continued to pace frantically, unable to stay calm and try to relax. I looked at my hands- they were swollen and red, flakes of skin peeling off from where I had been biting and scratching at them, and I felt more anger towards myself bubbling in my stomach- why did I have to be this way?

It felt like I continued to do this for hours, though it couldn't have been more than thirty minutes, when suddenly there was a knock at the door, breaking me from my panicked daze. Footsteps bounded down the hall, and Saeyoung ran by me, flinging the door open, revealing a panic-stricken Yoosung. I froze as I made eye contact with him, watching as he pushed past Saeyoung, running towards me, looking me over frantically.

"Saeran!" His eyes searched my entire body, tears nearly welling up in them, "Are you okay?! Saeyoung called me and said something was wrong!"

My hands were shaking as I took in this situation, confusion blooming in my mind, when suddenly the flames ignited- Saeyoung was revealing the exact side of myself to Yoosung that I didn't want to expose him to. I looked away from the blond, forcing myself to break his frightened gaze, my glare fixing on my brother, whose own face was mangled with worry.

"Why the hell did you call him?!" I tried to step towards him, but Yoosung stood in front of me, looking up at me with apprehension. I pushed him to the side, my anger too strong to hold back. I grabbed Saeyoung by the collar, pushing him against the wall, ignoring the distant protests of Yoosung.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! Why would you bring him here?!"

Saeyoung lifted his hands, trying to keep me calm and level, showing no sign of fright at my actions as he kept eye contact with me.

"Saeran, your meds haven't kicked in and you've been like this all morning- I know you two have been hanging out a lot lately, and I thought maybe seeing your friend might help."

I growled, pushing him against the wall again, his head knocking back against it, and I could hear Yoosung crying behind me. My heart wavered for a moment, but it was soon washed over once again by the aggression burning within me.

"I don't want him to see this! He shouldn't have to deal with this, this isn't fair! How dare you make him see me like this! Why did you think this would be okay, Saeyoung?! Do you have no common sense?! Of course I wouldn't want him to see this side of me, I'm a fucking monster!"

Saeyoung just stared down at me, his eyes shining as he stayed locked with my line of vision. My breathing was ragged, and I felt tears streaming down my face. I flinched as I felt an arm on my shoulder, and turned to see Yoosung looking at me, tears in his eyes, and suddenly I felt a feeling of regret completely overcome me as I stared into them. My grip on Saeyoung's collar loosened, and I let go, stepping back in horror as I realized what I had just done.

I looked at Saeyoung, to Yoosung, to my hands, and back, repeating this process. I shook my head in frustration, brushing past them both, running into my room and slamming the door behind me, locking it. I leaned against it, thrusting my hands into my hair, pulling hard at it, biting my lip. I fucked up, I fucked up so bad.

I slid down the door, falling into a crumpled sitting position. Anger, frustration, disappointment, embarassment- so many emotions ran through me, bringing my panic back tenfold. I scratched at my arms desperately, trying to calm them down, trying to bring the focus elsewhere, and I was failing.

Just like everything else.

I heard a gentle knock at the door, and I didn't have to be a genius to guess who it was.

"...Saeran..? Are you okay..?"

I said nothing, my attack on my arms slowing. I leaned against the door still, my head falling back against it, blinking away my tears. I heard shuffling from the other side, and felt the door move, as if something had pressed against it- did Yoosung sit against the door too?

"I'll stay here until you feel better."

"Go." My response was automatic, and cold- I bit my lip hard, shaking my head. I didn't want him to leave, but I didn't want him to stay and see me like this. I didn't know what I wanted.

"No."

"Why?!" I was yelling now, so angry with myself, and my inability to be normal, "You saw who I really am, why do you want to deal with that?! Why would you?!"

He stayed silent for a moment, and I felt panic arise, wondering if I had pushed him over the edge, but suddenly his voice came back to me.

"Because... We all have darkness inside of us, and it wouldn't be fair of me to judge you for yours."

I shook violently as I fought back the tears that were returning. I buried my face into my arms, fighting to keep silent. I took deep breaths, trying to focus on the fact that Yoosung was just outside the door, and he was here because he cared- this thought began to ground me, and I felt my distress beginning to subside. I stood up shakily, reaching for the doorknob, clicking the lock gently.

I heard Yoosung jump into a standing position at the sound, and I opened the door, looking out at him. His eyebrows knitted together as he looked at my tear-stained face, biting his lip.

"Saeran," His voice was laced with concern, and his hand lifted momentarily before freezing partway, and he pulled back, opening his mouth again, "Can I hug you? I really want to hug you right now."

I looked him over- his eyebrows were rising together in the middle, his eyes shining with remnants of tears. His lips were quivering, shoulders curved inwards in a defeated pose. I felt my insides tighten as I stared at him, knowing I caused this.

I nodded slowly, unable to speak, and he was on me in an instant, his arms wrapping around my waist, pressing my chest to his own. I stayed still for a moment, my body shaking gently in the aftershocks of my meltdown, and I felt him rub his hands soothingly up and down my back. I brought my arms up slowly, wrapping them around his shoulders, and I felt his grip on my waist tighten as he buried his face in my neck.

I closed my eyes, focusing on the warmth emanating from Yoosung's body- this heat was different than the one I felt during my episodes. The heat I felt inside was angry, dark, and destructive, ready to tear apart myself and anything near me; but his warmth, it was almost like drinking a warm cup of tea, or curling up in fluffy blankets fresh out of the dryer.

I ran my thumb gently along the nape of his neck, feeling the hairs there, and he continued nuzzling his face into my shoulder, seemingly reminding himself that I was okay, and I was here. I closed my eyes again, letting out a slow breath as the last of my anxiety vanished.

Maybe.. One day I can feel this warm, too.

* * *

GAHHHH I'm fangirling as I write because I ship these two SO FUCKING HARD UGH

I hope you guys like it omg I am just so excited for this story. I keep saying that but there are not nearly enough Yooran fanfics and so I need to bring more into the world.

JOIN THE SHIP WITH ME PLZ

~Pixil-8


	4. Tutor me!

Yahoo~~~ So I literally just finished typing chapter 3 but I don't wanna stop because I'm enjoying this too much so yeah keep it goin~

I do not own MM!

* * *

I blinked slowly as I held the phone to my ear, replaying the question in my head.

"... You want me to what?"

"Help me study! I have a test coming up, and I know if I'm alone I'm going to get distracted, so I would really appreciate the company to help keep me in check!"

I sighed, my smile defying me as I listened to the sound of him begging over the phone.

"You're such a child."

"Hey!" His voice came through the receiver playfully, "I'm not that bad! Besides, I haven't seen you since last week."

"Fine, fine, whatever. I'll be there soon." I hung up the phone, knowing that regardless, he would be excited. I turned around, aiming to find Saeyoung or Jade, and jumped in surprise as my brother was standing right behind me, a glint in his eyes.

"God, Saeyoung, what the-"

He dangled his keys in my face, his smile comparable to that of a cat's.

"I heard everything- Let's go! A relationship this beautiful must blossom!"

I was about to question what relationship he was referring to, but had no chance to do so as he threw my jacket at me, dragging me behind him towards the parking garage.

* * *

Soon enough, I was inside Yoosung's apartment for the second time, staring at his room which was absolutely littered with study notes. He desperately tried to organize them, and I smiled to myself as it reminded me of the first time I came here and he tried to fix his laundry.

"Sorry, I get kinda stressed when I study."

"I see that."

He laughed nervously, shuffling the papers together. I sat on the edge of the bed, watching him gather them all. He finished up after about a minute, crawling up on to the bed, folding his legs under himself as he sat across from me.

"So, what is your test for?"

Yoosung groaned dejectedly, handing me his question sheets.

"It's a biology test, I hate these."

I blinked at the questions on the paper, curiosity taking over me. I felt Yoosung's gaze boring into my side, and I looked over at him. He smiled, laughing a bit.

"You look like you've never seen schoolwork before."

I shake my head a bit.

"I haven't."

His eyes go wide in surprise, his hand flying to his mouth.

"What? You haven't gone to school?"

I stared at him, then shifted my gaze to the papers in my hands, running my thumbs over them ever so slightly.

"I've never gone because of... Circumstances." My voice was quiet, and I could hear Yoosung shift awkwardly.

"I'm sorry, that's probably a really sensitive subject- I didn't know, we don't have to talk about it-"

"It's okay," I smiled up at him a bit, straightening my back, hoping he wouldn't worry, "I don't want to talk about it... Right now. But I'm sure that someday, I will. I just don't think now is the right time..."

Yoosung nods, smiling at me. I clear my throat, beginning to read off the questions to him. He got about half of them correct, and after a couple hours of revision of that, he went to practicing the essay problem for the exam. I peeked over his shoulder, glancing at it, laughing a bit at his scrawled notes. He huffed indignantly, glaring at me.

"What, do you want to try it?"

I shrugged, taking the pencil from him, fighting back a laugh as I finished it and got the answer within minutes. He stared at me incredulously, his mouth hanging slack.

"What- how did you do that? You're really smart, Saeran!"

I shrugged gingerly, trying to fight back the warmth in my cheeks. I twirled the pencil in my fingers, staring down at it.

"I studied a lot of things when I was younger.. Because I wanted to surpass Saeyoung. So I learned a lot of things..."

Yoosung nodded, his eyes sparkling.

"Still- Wow! I'm super impressed, Saeran! It would take me hours to do that problem..." He pouted for a moment before suddenly filling back up with life, gripping my wrist in excitement, causing me to jump in surprise.

"Saeran! You should tutor me!"

"What?"

"Tutor me! I'm sure that if you help me, I'll be able to focus and start getting better grades! Please?" His eyes were bright and pleading, and I felt any resistance that may have been there shut down immediately as I nodded slowly.

"Um... Okay."

He pumped his fist in the air, doing a little dance in his seat.

"Yes! Saeran's gonna tutor me! I'm gonna be so smart!"

I leaned on to my hand, covering my mouth, hiding the small smile that had grown there, watching as the boy babbled on excitedly about how fun school was about to become.

* * *

Okay this chapter was really short, but that's okay. It gets the point across!

Hope you're enjoying ~~

~Pixil-8


	5. First Coffee

Hi! God I can't stop writing for this fanfiction. It's a problem. A good problem. KEEP GOING WEO

I do not own MM!

* * *

I followed Yoosung down the hall, our steps echoing in the empty path, bouncing off the walls. I couldn't help but look around, staring at every poster on the that was hung up, all of the decals on the lockers, taking in every detail of this new environment, even though it was a small portion.

"It's just in here!"

Yoosung opened the door to a room, and I was greeted by the scent of warm coffee as I stepped inside, everyone else in the room looking up at me inquisitively.

"Hey guys! This is my friend Saeran! I decided to bring him today to introduce him to you guys and show him the club!"

I shifted awkwardly as everyone said hello, stepping towards me to introduce themselves. I dug my nails into my palms, feeling my anxiety increasing at the prospect of meeting new people. I swallowed hard, looking at everyone's faces, trying to calm down, but it wasn't working, and it was getting worse.

"Saeran." Yoosung's hand touched my arm gently, and I was back, pulled out of my haze. I turned to him, gazing at his smile as he gestured for me to follow him again. I traced his footsteps as he walked towards a cabinet, pulling out coffee beans, a grinder, coffee filters, a kettle, a scale, timer, and a pour-over dripper. He set the items on the counter, beckoning to the stool in front of the desk. I sat down there, staring at him as he organized everything.

He smiled at me gently as he began to open the bag.

"I'm gonna show you the process of drip-brewing that I've been learning! Just watch me, okay?"

I nodded, picking at my nails beneath the table. I knew he was doing this not only to show me what he had learned, but also to keep me grounded to reality. I felt warmth bubble inside me at the kindness of this gesture- whether he knew how kind it was, that was uncertain.

He placed the kettle on the stove, bringing the water inside to a boil as he grabbed a teaspoon, measuring out the coffee beans into the grinder. He closed up the bag, turning the grinder until the beans were at the perfect amount of coarseness.

"You have to start by boiling the water, and measuring out the correct amount of beans. You don't want them to be too fine when you grind them, leaving them a little bit coarse is usually best."

I nodded slowly, my body relaxing as I listened to him explain each step. He placed a filter into the dripper, pouring some hot water over it, smiling at me.

"You pour some water into the filter first to remove the paper taste and warm it up a bit- then you discard the rinse water." He poured the water used to rinse in the sink, setting the dripper back atop the carafe. He poured the ground up beans into the filter, then began tapping it slightly so that they were level. He placed the entire set-up onto the digital scale, setting it to zero.

His eyebrows furrowed as he started a timer, beginning to pour the hot water onto the coffee, starting at the outer rim, and moving in a spiral to the centre. I sighed peacefully as the coffee rose up in reaction to the water, almost like a flower blooming in spring. He stopped pouring once he reached the centre, waiting a bit, smiling at me gently.

"You have to pour four times in total for this- this is the first one, and kinda my favourite, since the coffee looks- and smells- really nice when you do it. You stop when the scale reads 60 grams, and wait for 30 seconds before starting again." He lifted the kettle once more, this time beginning in the centre of the grounds, spiralling out to the rim, then back in. He pulled back once more, watching as it settled.

"This pour is to sink all the grounds on the surface- it kind of stirs them in a way, letting the water more evenly extract the grounds. The weight should be about 150 grams at this point."

We watched intently as the water dropped to the bottom of the filter, becoming nearly level with the grounds, and he poured over it once more, bringing the weight to 250 grams, taking about 15 seconds total, watching once more as the water dropped down the filter, at which he put out his last pour.

"This is the last one, so it's brought up to 350 grams total, and takes about 20 seconds." He smiled tenderly as he finished, allowing the coffee to finish pouring into the carafe. He grabbed a mug from the cabinet below, lifting the carafe and filling it, placing it in front of me with a smile. I blinked down at the dark liquid slowly, then back up at him as he watched me expectantly.

"Try it!"

I looked down at it again, rubbing my neck.

"I've... Never tried coffee before."

Yoosung gasps, jumping up excitedly.

"Oh my gosh, that means I'm your first!"

Everyone in the room burst into laughter, my face turning bright red as I stared at the coffee. Yoosung looked around at everyone, confusion written on his features.

"What? What's so funny?"

I said nothing as I brought the cup to my lips, blowing on it gently, inhaling the warm aroma. I took a sip, blinking in surprise at the earthy taste. I looked up at Yoosung, smiling a little.

"It's.. Good."

Yoosung's eyes look like they're about to burst due to how bright they become, clasping his hands together in front of his chest.

"R-Really?! You think so?!"

I nod, taking another sip, my eyes fluttering closed as it soothes my throat. When I opened them again, I saw Yoosung leaning his head on his hand, still smiling as bright as the sun.

"I'll make coffee for you whenever you want! Anytime!"

I nodded again, hiding my smile by downing the rest of the coffee- happy that Yoosung was my first.

* * *

AGH GOD when i heard Yoosung was in the coffee club i SCREAMED because I love coffee and just the thought of Yoosung tenderly making Saeran a cup of coffee kills me oh my g o d

I use a french press so I googled instructions on how to drip brew so i could write this chapter... :D I learned something new. Maybe I will try drip brewing someday. :3

~ Pixil-8


	6. Brownies and Movies

I am back again! Still way too excited to stop writing at the moment. On to chapter 6 ~~

I do not own MM. (Because of mention of the movie, I'm gonna add that I do not own The Lion King either lol)

* * *

I gnaw at my lip, massaging it with my teeth, fighting the nerves in my stomach. I let out a breath, reaching for my phone despite my constant worries, dialing Yoosung's number. I lifted the phone to my ear, listening to the ringing, relieved when his voice comes through.

"Saeran? What's up?"

I shifted my weight on my feet, scuffing the ground with my toe.

"Um, well... I was wondering if... You wanted to come over..?"

"What? Really?! You're inviting me over?!"

"Yeah." I spoke quickly, worried that if I tried to say anything more I would backpedal on instinct. I felt some of my nerves calm down as I heard Yoosung exclaiming excitedly that he would be there soon, happy that he wasn't bothered by the idea.

Roughly a half hour passes, which I spent nervously pacing my room, tempted to reconsider, at some point in which Jade came and reassured me everything would be fine, and not to stress out about it. A knock came from the front door, and I let out a couple slow breaths, willing myself to answer it. When I opened it, I couldn't help but smile a bit as I saw Yoosung bouncing on his heels, beaming at me.

"Saeran! Hi!"

I stepped aside, letting him in, closing the door gently. He inhaled deeply, having caught the smell of the brownies I had baked earlier. He glanced into the kitchen, gasping at the sight of them.

"Wooow, those look really good! Did Jade make them?"

I blushed a bit, looking at the ground, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I did." My voice barely came out as a whisper, causing Yoosung to turn to me, tilting his head.

"Huh?"

I cleared my throat, the burning in my cheeks growing deeper. "I said, I did. I made them."

His eyes light up like a fireworks display, bouncing on his feet excitedly all over again.

"What! You can bake?! I always burn cookies whenever I try to make them- that's so cool, Saeran!"

I hold back a laugh, rolling my eyes.

"Why am I not surprised?"

He pouts at me, his shoulders curling inwards.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

I shrugged, fighting the urge to smile at him. I see a small grin curve onto his lips as he turns back towards the brownies, playing with the hem of his sweater.

"Can.. Can I have one?" His gaze turns back to meet mine, eyes bright and pleading, and I nod automatically, unable to refuse. He squeals happily, practically skipping over to them, picking one up gently in his nimble fingertips. He stares at them with appreciation, his smile never breaking for a single moment.

"Wow, they even have powdered sugar sprinkled on them!" He lifts it to his mouth, taking a small bite. I watched as his eyes fluttered closed, a moan escaping his throat. My eyes widened, heat blasting across my face. I looked at the ground, desperately trying to forget the sound of his melodic voice moaning in front of me.

"Oh my _God_ , Saeran," I flinched as he spoke, his tone of voice practically dripping with ecstasy, though I don't think he knew how it really sounded, "These are amazing!"

I continue looking at the ground, too embarrassed to look at him. "...Thanks."

"Can you teach me sometime?"

I find the strength to look up, and he looks genuinely excited about the idea- I nod, eliciting a giggle from him as he finishes his brownie. He licks his fingers clean of the powdered sugar, and I felt chills run up my spine as his tongue flicked out, swirling around the tip. My focus broke as he opened his mouth to speak again.

"So, what do you want to do?"

I cleared my throat, shrugging gently.

"We could... Watch a movie.."

"In the living room?"

My hand lifted to my neck, rubbing a knot there.

"I have a TV in my room... I don't really like spending much time outside of it, usually..." I looked up at him, his eyes patient as I explained, "But... We'd have to sit on the bed."

He nods, his shining smile back on his face.

"Okay! What movie?"

I lead the way to my room, pointing at the cabinet below the TV.

"You can pick. These are all the ones Saeyoung gave to me."

I sat on the edge of the bed, watching as he scoured through them, before triumphantly holding up the Lion King. I shrugged, fighting the urge to laugh- I really wasn't surprised by his choice; it was almost expected of someone as pure as he was. I set up the DVD, settling back down on the bed as it began. We exchanged small conversation as the movie went on- I was slightly embarrassed watching a kids movie, but Yoosung's reactions were enough to deal with it.

It got to the part of the movie where Simba was trapped in the stampede, and Mufasa dies at the hands of Scar- Yoosung suddenly grasped my arm, burying his face in it. I looked down at him in surprise, shocked as I see he is crying into my shoulder. I freeze for a moment, unsure of what to do, so I gently lift my arm, putting it around his upper body. He nuzzles himself closer to me, crying harder as I do this, so I just stay there, using my other hand to awkwardly pat his arm- comforting others was something I never really learned how to do- I could hardly comfort myself as it was.

After a couple minutes, he pulled back, hiccuping softly, wiping his face on his sleeve, a soft blush tinting his cheeks.

"S-Sorry.. I just get really emotional about stuff like that... This is embarrassing.."

I shook my head, playing with my hands gently.

"...We all cry sometimes."

Yoosung nodded slowly, then sighed, laughing softly at himself.

"Maybe... I do it too many times, though, I think."

"It's okay," The speed at which I replied surprised him- hell, it even surprised myself- but I continued on, smiling a bit, "You can cry with me."

He sniffles, wiping his eyes again, blinking up at me.

"..Really? You mean it?"

"...Yeah."

He grins at me, then begins laughing out loud, clutching his stomach as his giggles wracked his body. He wipes away a tear, grinning at me, at which I couldn't help but return the gesture with a small smile of my own.

"Isn't it funny how we went from talking about crying and now i'm laughing? Thanks for making me feel better, Saeran."

He leaned his head on my shoulder again, and although I blushed at the action, I did not move or flinch away. I swallowed gently, looking back up at the TV.

"...Anytime."

* * *

YOORAN YOORAN I LOVE YOORAN FUUUCK

EEP I hope you're enjoying this as much as I enjoy writing it~

~Pixil-8


	7. Dreams

Hello! So far i've recieved some messages on tumblr and other sites that I've shared this story to, and I've gotten good feedback so far- I'm so glad everybody's enjoying it :3 I hope you continue to do so!

I do not own MM!

* * *

I followed Yoosung around the campus, listening intently as he explained what every room was for, what clubs did what, who his favourite teachers were- today, he had invited me for a tour of his college. I happily agreed, content with tailing him around as he animatedly explained everything in sight. Eventually, he took me up the stairs, to the small rooftop garden there. We sat on a bench, looking up at the sky and talking contentedly, when suddenly, a realization came over me.

"...What are you studying to be? I don't think you've told me."

Yoosung smiled at me, laughing a bit.

"I haven't actually told many people about it."

I stiffened, feeling like I crossed a line, desperately trying to backpedal.

"I- Sorry. I didn't know. I'll drop it."

He lifted his hand, shaking his head, still smiling.

"No, It's okay. I want to tell you!"

I felt a comforting warmth swelling in my chest, so I just nodded as I watched him take a slow breath, smiling sadly to himself.

"Well... When I was younger, and Rika was still alive, she had a puppy named Sally..."

I felt my body begin to tense, and I mentally cursed myself. I shouldn't be surprised it had to do with her- she was his biggest inspiration, his strength, and courage. Amidst the rapidly growing fear within my stomach, I felt a flare of jealousy, though I pushed it back, confused as to what it meant. I tried to control my breathing, not wanting to allow Yoosung to see me panicking over her.

"When Sally was about 7 years old, she got cataracts, and Rika refused to pay for the surgery. Sally became blind, and ended up running into the street and got hit by a car." Yoosung sighed sadly, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles slowly. "Rika... Rika was really depressed about it. She blamed herself, saying that if she had just let her get the surgery, Sally would have been happy and lived. I couldn't stand seeing her like that- I tried to tell her that it wasn't her fault, and she couldn't have known that Sally wasn't happy. So," a weak smile curved onto his lips as he clenched his hands, "I vowed to become a veterinarian. To make sure nobody had to feel the same way Rika did about Sally."

He turned to me slowly, his eyebrows knitting together as he saw me shaking slightly, my eyes wide, eyebrows pinched together in the middle with distress.

"Saeran?"

I took in a slow breath, holding back the tears that I wanted to allow to stream down my cheeks. Watching this boy talk about someone, regarding her so highly, without having a semblance of an idea as to who she really was- it was shattering me inside. I felt such pity for him, as well as a powerful sense of guilt.

"...Saeran?"

I shook my head, forcing a smile onto my face.

"I think you'll be an amazing veterinarian, Yoosung."

He grinned at me, his hair brushing gently over his cheeks as the breeze picked up around us.

"Thank you, Saeran! It makes me really happy that you think that!"

I nodded slowly, swallowing down the lump in my throat. I couldn't quell the regret that had taken me over- how could I live with this? Being the friend of someone so beautiful, and kind, and pure, when there are so many secrets I have to keep? So many things I just can't bear to tell him?

I looked up at him, watching as he smiled brightly, watching a flock of birds flying into the sunset, and I felt my heart constrict in my chest, my hand resting over it in a feeble attempt to soften the pain.

I couldn't tell him.

I can't be the one to destroy his dreams.

* * *

This chapter made me really sad to write because I can only imagine how hard it would be to keep listening to talk about Rika after everything she'd done but being unable to explain cause you dont wann hurt bb yoosung ;0;

Ow, my soul

~Pixil-8


	8. Night Terrors

Hi guys! Hope you are all doing well and are happy 3

 **NOTICE:** This chapter has a TRIGGER WARNING. Mentions of explicit Night Terrors are mentioned in this chapter. Please be aware of this before proceeding.

I do not own MM.

* * *

 _"No!" He screamed, cowering in a corner, tears streaming down his face, looking up at me, his purple eyes ridden with fear. "Saeran, why are you doing this?! I thought we were friends!"_

 _I laughed darkly, looking down at him, my entire body pulsing with need._

 _"I cant have friends. I can never have friends. I will destroy everyone, and everything."_

 _"NO!" He screamed desperately, trying to get through to me, but it was too late. I was too far gone. I grabbed him by the hair, lifting him in the air, and he screamed, struggling in my hands as I laughed._

 _"You will look so beautiful once you are unable to breathe."_

 _He gripped my wrist, his eyes pleading with me. I took no notice, feeling not an ounce of remorse as I brought the knife down to his chest, watching as he coughed, blood dribbling from his mouth. I repeated the motion, again, and again, blood streaming down his abdomen and legs, pooling on the floor beneath us. I dropped him, his body crumpling to the ground sickeningly, his blue hoodie now stained with red, blood matting his blond hair._

 _The knife fell from my hands as I looked at his body- I lifted my hands, staring at the blood smeared all over them, suddenly screaming in terror, clawing at my face and chest, desperately trying to escape myself._

* * *

"SAERAN! SAERAN, WAKE UP!"

My eyes shot open, my body shooting upwards, and back against the headboard. My hands flew back up to my hair, pulling hard as I rocked back and forth, unable to stop my desperate, agonized screams. Saeyoung tried to put his hands on my shoulders, but I slapped his hands away, tears pouring from my eyes. I looked desperately around the room, trying to find Yoosung's body, my panic increasing as I couldn't find it.

"Where is it?! WHERE IS IT?!"

Saeyoung looked at me, his eyes wide, unsure of what to do in this situation, afraid for my safety. I buried my head into my hands, screaming into my palms, my body quaking violently.

"God, no, _no_ , I didn't want to kill him- I didn't mean to kill him- Why did I kill him?!"

Saeyoung gripped my wrists, forcing me to look at him as I hyperventilated.

"Who are you talking about?"

I choked on my sobs, shaking my head.

"Yoosung! He's dead! I killed him, I kept stabbing him in the chest, I _murdered him-!"_

Saeyoung's brows came together, confused. He tried to ground me, holding me firmly in his grip.

"No, he isn't, you didn't kill him."

"YES I DID!" I gasped, screeching loudly, "I felt it, I felt his blood on my hands, trickling everywhere- his hoodie, his- his hair! Oh _Fuck_ there was so much blood, what do I- What do I do- I don't know what to do, He's... He's dead... He's gone... It's my fault..."

I screamed, trying to escape my brother's grip, wanting to run. To where, I didn't know. I couldn't handle the pain of knowing I destroyed the first person who wasn't family to show interest in me, I had destroyed him, I had ruined him.

I was completely overtaken by grief, I couldn't hear any of the words that Saeyoung was saying to Jade as she stood in the doorway, holding her phone to her ear. I continued to rock back and forth, shaking my head every time Saeyoung tried to console me. My attempts at pulling away became weaker, more futile, as my energy drained from my body's outburst.

The door to my room flew open, and my head raised, my blood feeling like ice in my veins as purple orbs stared back at me. Saeyoung let go of my wrists, saying something to him quietly. Yoosung stepped slowly towards my bed, sitting on the edge of it tentatively- he was breathing heavily, as if he had ridden a bicycle here, his forehead sweaty, his blonde hair sticking to it.

My hands shook, wanting to touch him desperately, to assure myself he was real, that he was here, but also afraid of what my hands could do to him. My lips quivered softly as I opened my mouth, trying to find words to speak.

"I... I'm so... Sorry..."

He looked at me, his eyebrows knitted together.

"For what?"

"I killed you." My voice broke as the words came out, tears trickling down my face. He tried to reach for my hand, and I jumped back, afraid to let him touch me, afraid of what I would do if he did.

"No, Saeran," Sadness laid behind the violet in his eyes, his voice slow and gentle, "You didn't. I'm right here, I'm okay."

"But, I... I saw it... I felt it.."

"It wasn't real."

He bit his lip, moving closer to me on the bed, grabbing my wrists. He pulled me towards him, causing me to crumple against his chest as he held me tightly, his arms wrapped around my shoulders, one hand in my hair. I took in a deep breath, recognizing that this, his warmth, his scent, his touch- was real.

I didn't kill him.

I shook slightly as I wrapped my arms around his waist, continuing to take slow, deliberate breaths, leaning my forehead on his shoulder. He rubbed my back soothingly, whispering gently in my ears that he was here, he was okay, he was alive.

I tried pushing him away gently, my body recoiling, but he held tighter, not allowing me to let him go. I choked back a small sob, shaking my head in fear.

"You... You need to get away from me... I'm dangerous. I could hurt you, you know."

"You won't." He didn't take even a moment to hesitate to form his reply, and I felt my body quiver at his insistence.

"You don't know that."

"You won't."

I felt my shoulders begin to shake, my eyes filling up with tears all over again, and I allowed myself to curl around him, sobbing into his shoulder. I don't know how long it was that I held him against me, crying hopelessly into his shoulder, his sweater damp with my tears.

He didn't let me go, not even for a moment.

* * *

Poor bb Saeran :'c

I hope you liked this chapter!

~Pixil-8


	9. Therapy

Hi everyone! Here comes the next chapter :3

I do not own MM.

* * *

"So, how's that friend you told me about the last time you came in?"

I was at my weekly therapy session; I sat curled up on a large bean bag in the corner of the room, holding a warm cup of coffee, something that had become a favourite of mine ever since Yoosung had made me a cup. I smiled into the cup, letting out a small breath.

"He's... Good. We hang out a lot. He taught me how to play this game he loves, called LOLOL- he got me into his guild and we go on raids together, which has actually been pretty fun. He wants me to teach him how to bake, too, since he tried some brownies that I made. It was really awkward when he tried them though, cause he seemed to enjoy them a little _too_ much," I let out a small laugh, "but I was happy he did. It's been.. Nice. Spending time with him. I didn't think he'd get along with me."

I looked up at my therapist, Ms. Ardonne, who was smiling at me tenderly. I blinked at her, tilting my head, and she chuckled to herself.

"Saeran, It sounds as though you like him a bit more than a friend."

I tensed, shaking my head, laughing nervously.

"What? No. That's ridiculous-" I sucked in a breath, gnawing at my lip softly, my voice quieting, "... Even If I did, I couldn't do anything about it."

"Why not?" She brought her own cup of coffee to her lips, taking a contemplative sip, her gaze still fixed down towards me. I gripped my cup firmly in my hands.

"I don't deserve that."

"Deserve what?"

I scoffed, looking angrily at my knees.

"Love, human compassion- nothing. I don't deserve it, especially not from him."

She set her cup on her desk, scooting her chair closer to me, smiling softly at me.

"That isn't true, Saeran- That kind of thinking is the result of many years of torture and distress, that made you conditioned to believe such things. You were forced into believing those lies so that you could be used as a pawn for Mint Eye to attack the RFA, none of those things are true about you."

I let out a shaky breath, lowering my head.

"No. They're true."

She sighed softly, taking the coffee cup from my hands so I would focus directly on her.

"Saeran, let me tell you something- You may have a long way to go on the road to recovery, but just the fact that you have taken an interest in a human, in a healthy way, regardless of whether it is friendship, or more," I blushed softly as she continued, "That alone is proof of how far you have come. You have improved substantially- even more so ever since your first mention of Yoosung."

I played with my hands, thinking over her words. She wasn't entirely wrong, but I still had such a hard time accepting them at face value. She shifted, and I gazed up at her again, her tender smile still playing along her lips.

"I mean it, Saeran. Out of any patient I've had, after what you've gone through, we didn't think the progress that you've made now would come for years. You've gone so far above and beyond our expectations, and I am proud of you. I mean it."

I felt warmth spill into my chest, and I clasped my hands together, lacing my fingers within themselves, a small smile gracing my mouth.

"...Thank you."

* * *

EEEE Tender therapy moment awe awe. My therapist when I was in high school was like this, so I modelled Saeran's after my old therapist. I miss her~ She was a great lady.

~Pixil-8


	10. Favourite Colour

YO~ I am back! Not that there was much wait considering i'm posting a lot of these back-to-back... Hehe.

Here we go!

I do not own MM.

* * *

I sat at Yoosung's table, sitting awkwardly as I waited. He had invited me over for supper, insisting that he wanted to cook for me. I watched as he fussed around the kitchen, insisting that I was to stay still and relax.

I laughed as he fumbled around, his bangs pinned back to the top of his head so they were away from his face. His hands were shaky as he began to cut the meat, and I sighed, unable to watch him possibly hurt himself because of poor technique.

"Here." I stood behind him, placing my hands over his, moving them into a proper position, and he smiled as he saw his movements were a lot more controlled and steady. He grinned over his shoulder, his face incredibly close to my own.

"Thanks Saeran!"

I blushed, stepping back, coughing into my sleeve, trying to tone down the blush that had erupted onto my face. I sat back down at the table, crossing my arms, willing myself to calm down. Soon enough, he had placed a steaming plate of bulgogi and vegetables before me, and I thanked him quietly for the food, receiving a happy smile in return. I lifted some of the bulgogi to my mouth with my chopsticks, tasting it gently, sighing as the wonderful taste enveloped me.

"Is... Is it good?"

Yoosung's voice was nervous, and hopeful. I smiled as I swallowed, nodding quietly, and he grinned gleefully, continuing to eat his own plate. After we had finished about half of our plates each, he looked up at me again.

"Saeran?"

"Yeah?" I spoke between bites, making sure to finish swallowing before I replied. Yoosung stared at me, poking at his food.

"I just realized I don't know a whole lot about you."

I blinked slowly at him, unsure of what he meant.

"Like... What?"

Yoosung smiled excitedly.

"Well, what's your favourite colour!"

"Why does that matter?"

He shifted in his seat, blushing softly.

"It's fun to know little things about people you like!"

Warmth trickled across my cheeks and neck, and I nearly choked on my food.

"Like...?"

Yoosung nodded enthusiastically.

"Yep! You're my friend, I wanna know about you!"

"Right," I nodded slowly, letting out a breath, thinking for a moment, "Um... Then... Yellow."

Yoosung gasped, nearly jumping in his seat.

"Really?! That's my favourite colour too! It's such a happy colour!"

I smiled a bit, stifling a laugh. If only he realized I chose that colour because it reminded me of him.

"What's your favourite animal? Favourite movie? Favourite song? Do you like animals?"

"Woah," I lifted my hands, laughing a bit, "Calm down with the questions. I haven't finished eating yet."

Yoosung blinked, then laughed sheepishly, tilting his head a bit to the left.

"I just really want to keep getting to know you better!"

I smiled, taking another bite of my food.

"You will, I'm sure."

* * *

SO CUTE FUCK DOMESTIC YOORAN.

~Pixil-8


	11. Beach Volleyball

Hi hi~ On to the next chapter (: I hope you all are enjoying it still!

I do not own MM!

* * *

I sat in the back of the car, my arms crossed indignantly, staring out the window as we drove.

"Why are we going here?" My voice was aggravated and cold- I was hoping to just lay in bed today and hide from everything, but I was dragged out by an excited Saeyoung, Jade in close pursuit, throwing some of my belongings haphazardly into a bag, shoving me into the car without allowing me to protest. I sank lower into my seat, my scowl growing deeper. Jade turned to me from the front seat, smiling at me.

"Jumin invited us to his private resort! There's a private beach and everything. It's not every day we get to go somewhere where only we are allowed! It's pretty cool, right?"

I shrugged, continuing my glare at the scenery whizzing by. I could practically hear Saeyoung wiggling his eyebrows.

"Yoosung will be there~" His voice came off in a sing-song kind of way, and I glared towards him.

"Your point?"

"Oh," A smirk was on his lips, turning his eyes from the mirror and back to the road, "Nothing at all~"

I scoffed again, crossing my arms. I knew I was being childish- but I was in an awful mood, and really did not want to see everyone in the RFA today. It was a distressing thought- but being reminded that Yoosung would indeed be there brought me small comfort.

Upon arriving, I set up an umbrella, placing a beach blanket directly beneath it, curling up onto it. My eyes scanned the scenery, watching the waves roll gently on the shore, the sun illuminating everything in a bright glow. I sighed softly- as long as I could stay in the shade, this wouldn't be too bad.

"Saeran!"

I turned, seeing Yoosung jogging towards me at a leisurely pace. He stopped near me, wiping off his feet before sitting next to me, beaming at me. For a moment, it seemed that the sun didn't exist, and all the light around us was coming from him.

"How are you?"

I shrugged, looking back at the ocean.

"I was okay, until Saeyoung suddenly threw me into his car without telling me where we were going."

Yoosung laughed, shaking his head.

"I can see him doing that, honestly. You don't like beaches?"

I shrugged again, crossing my legs.

"I don't go outside a lot."

Yoosung smiled, running a hand through his hair.

"I don't either, to be honest! I prefer LOLOL. Speaking of, we need to join the guild on a raid soon, we finally opened up a cave we've been wanting to get into!"

I smiled, accepting his offer, when suddenly I was whipped out of my sitting position, being dragged across the beach. I looked over my shoulder, seeing a flurry of red hair as I was thrusted in front of a volleyball net. I glared at my brother, sighing.

"Saeyoung-"

"Be my volleyball partner!"

He kneeled before me, begging. I looked at the other side of the net, seeing Jumin and Zen, glaring at each other. I looked back at Saeyoung, rolling my eyes.

"Why are we playing volleyball? And why are they teamed up? Don't they hate each other?"

Saeyoung stood up, laughing, dusting himself off.

"Well, it's more they just aggravate each other incessantly. And so do we! Perfectly imperfect teams!" He latched his arm around my shoulders and I glared at him, shaking my head.

"Whatever."

Saeyoung cheered loudly, picking up the ball, calling to Jumin and Zen, who got into position. Saeyoung served the ball, which was returned by Zen, flying towards me. I jumped forwards, hitting it straight up into the air before the net, Saeyoung coming in behind to strike it down in the centre, earning us a point. I heard Jaehee, Jade, and Yoosung all clap and 'oooh' in suprise at our teamwork. I blushed, standing up straight, going to the back to serve this time.

I tossed the ball up in the air, serving it above my head. The ball flew down hard the middle, hitting Jumin square in the chest, causing him to fall backwards. Jaehee jumped, stepping towards him to make sure he was okay. He stood, visibly annoyed, a bright red circular mark forming on his chest. Everyone stifled their giggles as he tried to play it off, and I smirked a bit, not able to refrain from appreciating the humour of the situation.

The game continued for almost an hour- Saeyoung and I won, 25 points against their 18. Zen glared at Jumin, blaming him for smelling like cats, which kept causing him to sneeze the whole time. They got into a heated argument about who was at fault, and I rolled my eyes, turning to leave, when I saw Yoosung waiting at the side for me.

"Saeran, that was impressive! I didn't know you were good at volleyball!"

I rubbed my arm gently, shrugging it off.

"Not a big deal."

He continued to smile, looking back over his shoulder, pointing at a concessions stand towards the public beach.

"Do you want to get ice cream? You must be really exhausted after playing for so long."

I nodded, walking with him across the expanse of the beach, away from the private border of Jumin's resort, and onto the public masses- many people were out with families, and friends relaxing and playing together.

"What kind do you want?"

I turned to him, realizing we had made it to the front of the stand. I shifted awkwardly, looking at the ground.

"...Cotton candy."

He grinned at me, turning and ordering for us both. He handed me my ice cream, holding strawberry for himself. I looked at his face, where a small smirk was residing. I frowned, blushing brightly.

"What?"

"I just didn't think you were the type to like sweet things." He giggled, reaching his tongue out to lick at his own, causing me to blush even more. I stared at my ice cream, letting out a sigh.

"Well, I'm sorry?"

He shook his head, laughing more, "No, I think it's cute."

"...Okay." I tasted my ice cream, unsure of what to say after that statement. I looked out at the water again; the sound of the ocean was foreign, but it was very calming.

"I've always loved summer," I listened to him as he spoke, keeping my gaze on the rolling waves, "I used to love just laying in the sun when I was younger, and at night I'd go out and try to catch frogs." He laughed at the memory, fondness twinkling in his eyes. He rubbed his forehead, swiping away the sweat there. "But, I don't like how I get all sweaty- it's pretty gross."

I turned to him, my eyes gazing slowly over the sweat beads rolling down his chest, trailing down his stomach- I blushed, coughing, turning away.

"Uh, yeah... I don't... I don't like that either."

* * *

Saeran totally likes sweaty Yoosung

:3 hehe

~Pixil-8


	12. Best Friends

Hello! You've all been eating regular meals right? Y'all know how much the RFA is obsessed with lunch. EAT YA LUNCH.

:D On with the story~

I do not own MM!

* * *

I focused on my paper, the ink from my pen curving as I wrote fluidly- I had taken up writing poetry as a hobby, and an outlet for the things I was feeling. Ms. Ardonne said there was a possibility that an artistic outlet may help calm my anxiety in times of stress. So far, it hadn't been too bad- I found I quite enjoyed it, actually- even more so in moments like now, where Yoosung was sprawled across the other end of my bed, poring over his study notes. His head hung off the edge of the bed, holding the paper above him, before dropping it dejectedly on his face.

"Saeran."

"Mmhmm?" I didn't look up, focusing on my handwriting.

"I have a question."

I nodded slowly, listening as he sat up, shuffling around so that he was facing me. I looked up at him under my lashes, blinking expectantly as he hesitated, biting his lip.

"Have you ever had a girlfriend?" His voice was rushed as he blurted the question out, a light blush on his face. I put down my pen and notebook, placing it to the side, staring at him inquisitively.

"Why?"

"I... I was just wondering. I've never hand one."

I regarded him, letting out a slow breath. I leaned back against the headboard, placing my hands on my knees before me, lacing them together.

"...I have no interest in girls."

"Oh..." He spoke quietly, his hands fidgeting with the strings of his hoodie. "So... Do you like boys?"

I shrugged, despite the constricting feeling in my chest. "I don't really know. I've never thought about it."

He grinned at me, tilting his head a bit

"Well, either way, you're cool to me. But!" He sat up on his knees excitedly, pointing at me, "If you like someone, you have to tell me! Since I'm your best friend!"

I raised an eyebrow slowly at him, fighting the smile trying to creep onto my lips.

"...Best friend?"

His hand fell, recoiling into himself. He tilted his head down dejectedly, looking at his lap.

"I- Well- I just thought that we were getting really close, and-"

"... I'm okay with being best friends."

He looked up at me, and upon seeing the smile on my lips, he bounced up excitedly, moving over to hug me. I shook my head, patting his back gently as he thanked me, his voice lilting and joyous as he kept his grip around my shoulders.

* * *

"best friends"

It hurts me to even write that lol

BUT They aren't quite there yet.

Stick with me ~~

~Pixil-8


	13. Crush

yahoooo~~ Sorry for last chapter being so short- since this story will be fairly long though, I think it's okay to have some short chapters. Right? I hope so.

;0;

I do not own MM!

* * *

I fumbled for my phone, rolling over in my bed, a sleepy groan escaping me as I groped the sheets, searching for it. I found it, answering the call clumsily, holding the phone to my ear.

"Mm... 'Lo..?"

"Saeran?"

I felt more awake as Yoosung's voice came through, laced with concern and worry. I propped myself up on my elbows, leaning against them for support.

"Yoosung? What's up? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I... I just need.. Your advice, I guess."

I blinked slowly, switching the phone to my other ear.

"Okay. With what?"

"Well," He hesitated, his voice hitching audibly in the reciever, "I... Think I have a crush on someone."

I froze, swallowing thickly as I felt an icy chill wash over me.

"... On who?"

"There's this girl who joined the coffee club," My grip on my phone grew tighter as he spoke, "She's been talking to me a lot whenever the club meets up, and she seems really nice. I also think she's really cute- I was wondering if you thought I should try to ask her on a date?"

"Why do you like her?" My voice came out aggressively, my breathing picking up pace. Yoosung must have brushed it off as my usual indifferent attitude, as he continued to reply like nothing was wrong.

"Oh, well, she also plays LOLOL, she mentioned her avatar during club hours, and I asked her about it. We got into a conversation about it, and I found out that she's taking the same major as me, I just had never seen her in any of my classes."

My free hand was clenched into a tight fist, my veins nearly popping under the force at which I held it closed.

"...Tell her, then."

"But, I'm scared to. What if she doesn't like me?"

"Well," I growled, sitting up straight, digging my nails into my thigh, "Do you really think complaining to me about it is going to help change that?"

"I- Well, I just-"

"Whatever," I cut him off, my voice dripping with animosity as I spat the words out at him, "If you like her so fucking much, just go talk to her then!"

I hung up the phone, vaguely hearing him call out as the line cut off. I threw my phone across the room, my anger filling every inch of my body. My hands were shaking uncontrollably, and I brought them to my face, covering the tears there- I didn't even realize I had begun crying. I rocked back and forth, trying to control the gasps of breath that were ripping through my body.

"Fuck- FUCK!" I cried out, balling my hands into fists, bringing them down upon my thighs, angry with myself- so _fucking_ angry with myself- I was the worst excuse for a friend that there could be, lashing out at him, feeling betrayed by him just because he found someone he liked, and he had no idea why I even reacted that way.

I curled up into a ball, burying my face in my arms, choking on my tears. I don't know how much time passed until I passed out in the damp sheets; stained with my regret.

* * *

:c poor babu

~Pixil-8


	14. I'm So Sorry

I'm back! And very excited to write this chapter because I don't like Yoosung and Saeran fighting :c but y'know, plot and shit.

 **TRIGGER WARNING:** This chapter contains scenes of self-harm. Please be aware of this as you continue.

I do not own MM!

* * *

It's been five days since I left my room- maybe six. There was an ensuite bathroom, and I had no will to eat, so I saw no reason to leave. I was still so angry, so distraught, so broken. It was ridiculous and I couldn't stop it.

Jade and Saeyoung had taken turns knocking at my door in intervals, offering to leave food in front of my door, to which I always refused coldly, sometimes screaming for them to leave. They never once responded harshly- always leaving in silence, allowing me to wallow in my pathetic madness.

I rolled over on the bed, my eyes itchy from how dry they were. I had been crying on and off for the past few days. I lifted my arms to my line of vision, staring at the small scratches that now covered them. I was desperate, afraid, on the brink of losing control. I had broken a bobby pin, using it to break the surface of my skin there in an attempt to quell my darker urges; but it was getting worse.

It wasn't enough.

I sat up, glancing at the clock. It was the middle of the night, and I knew that Saeyoung and Jade would be asleep. I stood up, stumbling momentarily as my head spun. The lack of food I had forced myself into caused me to be weak, my limbs quivering under my weight. I opened my bedroom door, walking to the kitchen, leaning heavily against the door frame, staring at the object I desired.

I took in a slow breath as I walked towards the knife block, pulling one out- I gazed at the reflection of my eyes against the metal surface, its shine seeming to taunt me. I flipped it over in my hands, holding it up above my left arm. I pressed the edge against it, seething through my teeth as it broke the skin, a bead of blood rolling down and dripping on the floor below, the sensation momentarily distracting me from my anguish.

The next moment, I was on the floor- everything happened in a split second, I had no chance to fight back, not like I could in my current state. Saeyoung had ran into the room, smacking the knife from my hand, cutting his arm in the process. He pinned me down onto the ground, holding my wrists at my sides, staring at me with wild eyes, filling with tears.

"Saeran," He breathed shakily, "Saeran no, don't do this, not again."

I pulled against his grip feebly, shaking my head, feeling all of my sadness beginning to spill over.

"No," My voice was but a whisper, one I hardly recognized as my own, "No... I can't do this... I can't..." I cried, my head laying back against the tile. He held me there until he felt safe enough to let me go, pulling me up and hugging me. I sobbed feebly against his shoulder, completely helpless in my state of disorientation. He ran his hands through my hair and over my back, continuing this process until my breathing became more regulated.

He pulled away from me ever so slightly, pressing his forehead to mine, looking me in the eye.

"Saeran, what's wrong? What's hurting you?"

My eyebrows came together, feeling even more pathetic when he looked at me like this.

"I.. It sounds so stupid... But... A couple nights ago, Yoosung called me in the middle of the night, telling me that he.. He found someone he liked, and wanted my advice on whether he should ask her out... And I just felt... So betrayed, and hurt, for some reason. I was so angry. I completely broke down. I screamed at him... God, I'm pathetic." I laughed weakly, shaking my head, avoiding my brother's gaze. "I didn't like the thought of him spending time with anyone else..."

"Saeran."

I looked up at him, greeted with a small smile on his face.

"Do you like Yoosung?"

I looked at the ground slowly, letting out a shaky breath. I nodded slowly, biting my lip hard.

"...Yes. But... I can't do anything about it. I refuse to do anything about it. I can't hurt him."

"I really don't think you would ever do anything to hurt him intentionally."

"I don't want to hurt him unintentionally either."

Saeyoung laughed softly, squeezing my shoulder.

"Do you know how I treated Jade when she first joined the RFA? I was so scared of hurting her, I shut her out, and was so cold and cruel. Sometimes even now I'm surprised she stuck around."

I stared at him, blinking slowly; I didn't know he had acted like this towards her. I gazed back at my hands, still shaking my head. He sighed, continuing.

"You just don't know how to deal with this kind of thing. You're still learning to recognize your natural feelings amidst your recovery, it's understandable that you would react negatively in a time like this." He squeezed my arms reassuringly, smiling at me. "Start by calling him and apologizing, okay? That's the best place to begin."

I regarded him, then nodded slowly, sniffling as I stood. I went to the fridge, pouring a glass of juice for myself quickly, downing it. I shivered as the sugary substance went down, my body reacting well to it. I could only imagine how low my blood sugar was right now. Saeyoung gave me one last look of reassurance, quickly pulling me into a hug, which I weakly returned.

"I love you, Saeran. You can rely on me anytime. I'm always here for you."

I nodded, not ready to respond, but his words comforted me a bit. He left the room, and I made my way back to my bedroom. I walked over to my bedside table, turning on my phone. I felt guilt swimming through me as I got notifications of 20 missed calls, and 35 text messages- all from Yoosung. I dialled his number, holding it to my ear, completely disregarding the time.

He answered almost instantly, his breath ragged in the phone, and I could tell he had been crying.

"...Yoosung..?"

His breath hitched a bit, and I bit my lip, fighting back tears.

"... I'm sorry."

He burst into tears on the other end of the line, and I just listened to his sobs, feeling a tear of my own trickle down my cheek.

"Sa-Saeran! I was so worried you'd never t-talk to me again!"

I clenched my shirt in my fist, heartbroken at his words.

"That will never happen. I can't handle not talking to you. I'm... I'm so sorry."

We didn't exchange any words after that, just crying gently to each other over the phone. I didn't need him to tell me he forgave me- his soft cries were enough for me.

* * *

GUH tears ;0;

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

~Pixil-8


	15. Inebriated

Hello! Big thanks to my friend Min-chan who bought me a coffee when I finished work tonight and thus gave me more energy to write ~~ You da !

And now, back to the story~

I do not own MM!

* * *

I smiled to myself as I followed Yoosung down the street, watching as he hummed happily to himself. He had just finished telling me all about the date he had taken his crush on a couple days ago. I let out a small breath, closing my eyes for a moment. I tried to do what any good friend would do, in spite of my previous reactions- of which he still didn't understand- and support him, be happy for him. For his sake, I had to ignore the jealousy and frustration in the pits of my heart, and push them aside.

I looked back at him, his blonde hair tussling in the breeze. A smile crept up onto my face despite myself- this was enough. Having him here, was enough.

"So," He turned to me as I spoke, "Where are we going?"

"The video game store! There's a new one I want to check out, Saeyoung actually recommended it to me, maybe we could play it toge-" He froze as he looked at the other side of the street, his face falling, "-ther."

I raised an eyebrow, following his shocked gaze, and came up on a girl, holding hands with a guy, giggling at something he had seemingly said. I looked at Yoosung's face, and back at the couple, and realization hit me.

"Wait, no- that's not..?"

I didn't need to continue when I saw tears swelling in Yoosung's eyes as he turned on his heel, bolting the opposite direction. I cursed under my breath, glaring back at the couple for a moment before chasing after him. He was running blindly, pushing past people, and I muttered quiet apologies as I followed his footsteps. Eventually he finally came to a stop, falling to his knees in an alleyway. I came up behind him, panting hard, sweat dripping down my forehead as I stared down at him, his head in his hands, quietly sobbing to himself.

I knelt down next to him, pushing him up by the shoulders so I could wrap my arms around his waist, and he automatically latched onto me, crying into my sweater.

"Yoosung, take deep breaths, okay? She isn't worth it if she went with someone else after going on a date with you," He hiccuped into my shoulder and I rubbed his back, trying to soothe him, "Hey, Why don't we hang out tonight? We could get those coolers you like and watch movies."

He sniffled into my shoulder, nodding weakly. I stepped back, taking his hand to help him up, wiping his face with my sleeve. We turned to leave, and I felt him gently hang on to the sleeve of my sweater. I allowed him to do so, knowing that some kind of physical contact was good for him right now. I frowned as I thought about that girl, and the fact that she had broken the heart of someone as incredible as Yoosung, and felt anger dwelling inside me again- I lifted my arm around his shoulder, pressing him into my side, unable to control the flash of possessiveness I was feeling, and he leaned into me ever so slightly.

I squeezed his shoulder gently as he sniffled, and I let out a low breath.

"Just.. Forget about her."

 _Please._

* * *

I watched as Yoosung downed his fifth drink, momentarily wondering to myself if I had chosen the right thing to take his mind off of everything. I had heard he was a lightweight, and could get extremely drunk even from one drink, god knows let alone five.

He slammed the can on his desk, letting out a breath before leaning onto his arms.

"Sa-Saeran," His violet eyes stared up at me lazily, his voice slurred from the liquor, "Why... Why am I not good enough to date?"

I frowned, setting my drink down.

"You are."

He shook his head, running his fingers through his hair- he had taken the clip out of it, his bangs falling messily into his eyes.

"No, I- *hiccup*- I can't be, because, nobody wants to date me, and.. And the one person who did, went and dated somebody else!" He laughed as he finished his sentence, shaking his head. "Yep, went right off and dated somebody else~"

I blinked slowly as he took another sip, now on his sixth drink. His adams apple bobbed up and down every time he swallowed, and I had to fight myself to stop staring at it.

"...I'm sure someone would date you."

"Well I really wish I could find them. Tha'd be nice." He sighed, leaning onto his hands as he stared at the LOLOL poster on his wall. I sighed internally, shaking my head- If only you knew.

I jumped a bit as Yoosung hugged me suddenly, his arms wrapping around my waist, his head pressed into my stomach. He tilted his head up, gazing up at me through his lashes, and I swallowed hard, feeling warmth prickling all over my body.

"Saeran, you have really pretty eyes, you know that?"

I blinked slowly, not sure how to respond to that. He scooted closer, his face now inches away from mine, and my breathing quickened, looking anywhere but at his eyes.

"Why... Why are they different than Saeyoung's? Aren't you guys Ida.. Id... Identical?"

I nodded slowly, clearing my throat, trying to lean back and away from him, but he only seemed to come closer every time.

"I... There was an accident."

He leaned up against my ear, his breath trickling down along it, and I felt my body shiver at the sensation.

"It was a beautiful accident." His voice was low, a tone I had never heard him speak in before. I had to stop this now- he had no idea what he was doing. I put my hands on his chest, pushing him away a bit.

"Y-You're too close."

He blinked slowly, a small smile on his lips as he stared at me.

"What if I want to be close?"

My heart was pounding in my chest, completely torn between desperately wanting him near me, and wanting him far, _far_ away. I shook my head, reaffirming my resolve, pushing him back further.

"No, Yoosung, you've had too much to drink. Back off. No making decisions about anything when intoxicated. New rule."

He whined, pouting as he moved back to his original position, and I sighed as I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my chest, though my face and neck still felt extremely hot. I stood up, muttering that I was thirsty, leaving for the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of water, drinking it slowly, allowing the cool liquid to help me calm down.

I put the glass in the sink, before pouring another one, bringing it to Yoosung in his room. I handed it to him, slightly amused as he stared at it like it was a foreign object.

"Drink this so you don't hate yourself as much when you wake up."

He took the glass from me, obediently swallowing it all down. I moved all the papers he had studied the night before from his bed, placing them on the desk before sliding my hands under Yoosung's armpits, helping him up and walking him to the bed. He crawled into it, slumping onto the pillows, and I sighed, pulling the blanket and duvet over him. I turned to grab another blanket so I could sleep on the floor, but was stopped as he grabbed my wrist. I looked back at him, and his cheeks were flushed brightly, his hair falling into his eyes.

"Sleep with me."

I ripped my arm away, my cheeks bright red. I didn't respond, turning off the light and grabbing the blanket, leaning against the door, as far away from Yoosung as I could possibly be. I waited a few minutes until I heard the tell-tale sound of Yoosung's soft snores to lay the blanket out, curling up in it. I sighed shakily, beating myself up internally for the sheer fact that part of me desperately wanted to take advantage of Yoosung, in this moment where he seemed to want me, but still thankful that logic and reason won tonight.

I closed my eyes, nuzzling my face into my arms.

I didn't want him to want me unless it was real. I know it wouldn't make me happy.

* * *

That's it for chapter 15! Imagine this is like a timeskip a week after they made up from their fight, and in that time Yoosung went on the date, but y'know... Poor Yoosung. :c

Hope you enjoyed!

~Pixil-8


	16. Celebration

Hello! I am back! I was feeling somewhat discouraged since the story hasn't received any reviews on the posting site here, but I feel reassured since I've gotten some really nice messages and comments on tumblr~ I feel motivated all over again thanks to that!

I hope everyone continues to enjoy this Yooran fic with me! I'm having a ton of fun writing it.

I do not own MM!

* * *

I stared at the package of sweets that was being dangled in my face by a bright-eyed Yoosung, a grin as wide as could be plastered on his face.

"What is this for?"

"For you! I aced my tests, thanks to your tutoring! I wanted to thank you!"

I smiled a bit, taking the package, holding it gently in my hands- I didn't expect him to feel the need to thank me for helping him. Spending time with him was thanks enough.

"I didn't get you anything."

"Of course not, silly," He giggled, waving his hand in his face, "This is a thank you! I'll have top TOEIC scores in no time because of you!"

I felt a glint of pride dance throughout me at his words. I laughed softly, putting the package in my sweater pocket.

"Well, how about we go and actually celebrate? There's a movie I've been wanting to see. Want to come with me? I'll buy you popcorn."

Yoosung bounced on his heels, nodding fervently before frowning a bit.

"You don't have to buy my popcorn though, like I said, I wanted to than-"

I cut him off, ruffling his hair, laughing as he giggled at the action.

"And I want to thank you for being a good student. Now come on, let's go. No complaining."

* * *

We arrived at the theatre, opting to sit in the very back corner. I didn't like the idea of having to end up with anyone else sitting next to me, or behind me, and Yoosung didn't argue my logic, which I appreciated. I smiled as he shovelled handfuls of popcorn into his mouth, completely unsurprised that this was how he ate it.

He looked at me, pointing the bag my way, and I shook my head, fighting back a laugh at the shine of butter all over his mouth and cheeks. He shrugged, continuing his attack on the food, his gaze returning to the movie playing before us.

I shifted slightly, crossing my legs. I went to go lean on the armrest beside me, but promptly moved my arm back onto my lap as I felt it brush against Yoosung's elbow. I continued to stare at the screen, hoping he hadn't noticed. He had thankfully forgotten the debacle with him drunkenly attempting to crawl all over me at his house, but I definitely had not forgotten.

I ran a hand through my hair, attempting to get my breathing to level out, willing my face to cool down.

The movie flashed by, seemingly over in an instant. I offered to walk Yoosung to his apartment, since it was only a 20 minute walk from here. I nodded as we arrived, turning to leave, but was stopped by his voice calling my name.

"Saeran!"

I turned back, blinking at him slowly as he played with his hands, staring at them, a slight flush to his cheeks. He looked up at me sheepishly, like he was nervous.

"Can... Can I hug you?"

I nodded automatically, blushing at my own reaction, which went unnoticed by him as he slipped his arms around my waist, pulling my body against his chest. I lowered my arms to his shoulders, fighting the urge to squeeze him tightly, opting to lean my head against his gently, my eyes closing in delight as I took in his scent.

The hug felt like it lasted forever, and was over in an instant, all at once as he pulled away from my embrace. I rubbed my neck a bit, staring at my feet.

"Why.. Do you like hugging me so much?"

I looked up, catching his smile curve onto his lips, playing with his hair softly between his fingers, his cheeks a dazzling pink as he looked at me.

"You.. Make me feel nice."

My heart began to pound as I felt heat crawl all over my neck, face, and hands, swallowing hard, fighting back the urge to hug him all over again.

"Uh, I.. Well... I'll see you later."

I didn't wait to hear his response as I ran away, my face probably as red as my hair, my heart slamming into my ribcage as though it were about to burst. I kept running, somehow finding my way back to the bunker, leaning against the door heavily, my breathing ragged as I slid down against it, burying my face into my knees, my body still burning.

This boy is going to kill me someday.

* * *

Hooray for cute movie arm brushings ~~

~Pixil-8


	17. Confession

i'm back ~ I've been getting so much positive feedback in messages on different sites that I've shared this to, and it's making me so happy, you guys don't even know! I'm so glad you like it. I'm gonna do my best to keep writing stuff you enjoy!

I do not own MM!

* * *

I chewed on my lip hard, my eyebrows twitching because of how deep my frown was set. My nails dug into my arms, crossed over my chest, my eyes glowering out just below the view of my bangs as I stared across the Hall of the RFA Party, feeling rage and jealousy fire within me as various girls flitted around and flirted with Yoosung on the other side of the room.

One girl in particular pushed his shoulder gently, laughing at something he'd said. I watched as a smile crept onto his face, his hand running through his hair as he laughed in response. I squeezed harder on my arms- that was definitely going to bruise.

"Well, well, well," I jumped as a voice floated into my ear, snapping me out of my stupor, "Why do you look so mad, Saeran?"

I turned to Jade, sighing as she smiled at me mischievously. I glanced back at Yoosung, clenching my jaw as one girl played with her hair, batting her lashes up at him coyly.

"I don't like it."

"What?"

"They way they're surrounding him. It's annoying."

Jade smiles at me, her face relaxing, a look of understanding and gentleness resting on her features as she places a hand on my elbow- my grip on my arms lessen, and I just notice how much they hurt.

"Why don't you tell him how you feel?"

"He's straight."

She laughed immediately, shaking her head slowly. I stared at her, an eyebrow raised. Yoosung was always complaining about how girls never wanted to date him, and how he had never gotten a girlfriend.

"Saeran," She wiped a tear from her eye, stifling her giggles, "I can guarantee that he is at least bisexual. He might always complain about wanting a girl to date, but I have seen how he looks at you."

"How does he look at me?!" My voice came out automatically, and I raised my hand to cover it, blush spreading over my cheeks at my own forwardness. I coughed into my hand as she smirked at me. "...Forget I asked that."

I looked back over to the corner, watching as Yoosung's smile at the girls turned into a grin- the bright light of his personality, shining for everyone else to see. I felt rage burning inside me all over again, like a volcano that was about to burst.

"I don't know, he looks pretty happy over there."

She tapped her chin gently, tilting her head as she looked at him.

"Hmm. I wonder..." She brought her gaze back to me, her smile growing all over again. "You should talk to him after the party, okay? I think that you need to tell him."

I didn't respond. I lowered my head, my bangs hiding the pink that was gracing my face. I gnawed on my lip, confusion and fear and anxiety rolling around in my stomach, fighting to take me over.

Maybe she was right. Maybe I did have to tell him.

* * *

"Yoosung."

He turned to me, his blonde hair fluttering across his face as he did so, blinking gently up at me.

"Saeran! I didn't see you the whole party, almost."

I looked at the ground, digging my nails into my palm.

"Yeah. Well.. I have a question."

He nods, waiting patiently. I search his features, wondering what was right, what was the best thing to do to protect him, to make him happy. I let out a small breath, releasing my fingers from my palm.

"Can.. Can we hang out, after this? I need to talk to you, but... I can't do it here."

"Yeah, of course! I just have to go talk to Jumin quickly, but I'll be right back and we can leave. Jaehee and Zen are closing everything up."

I watched as he bounded away, chatting animatedly to Jumin. I held my hands together in front of me, attempting to quell the shaking that had overcome them. I closed my eyes, focusing on my breathing.

This was it. I had to tell him.

* * *

"So," Yoosung was curled up on the edge of his bed, hugging a pillow in his arms, his legs bent before him, pressing the pillow closer to his body, "What did you want to talk about?"

I looked over his body- he was wearing blue pyjamas, with star decals on them. I almost laughed at how childish it looked, but it suited him- his innocence, his purity.

Clarity in its finest form.

"...I'm selfish."

He tilted his head at me, confused.

"What?"

"I have no right to feel this way, or think this way, but I do."

His eyebrows came together as I spoke, and he set the pillow aside, crossing his legs to sit in front of me. He tried to reach out to me, but he froze as I looked him in the eye, my breaths coming out in shaky intervals.

"Yoosung, I- I have feelings for you."

He blinked at me, pulling his hand back to himself slowly.

"Of course. We're friends."

I felt anguish strike in my chest, letting out a choked noise. My head lowered for a moment, shaking slowly before I looked back up at him.

"No, Yoosung... I mean.. Feelings in a romantic way."

His mouth hung open, his face turning bright pink- he looked so shocked, I thought his hair might stand up. His hands flew up to his cheeks, holding them gently, his face growing redder by the second.

"Wh-What?!"

I lowered my head, shame washing over me. This was stupid. I was ruining everything- Why would this have been a good idea? Of course Yoosung doesn't want to hear that. I began to pull away from the bed, turning to leave.

"I-I should go-"

"NO!"

His hand gripped my wrist tightly, his bright eyes staring up at me desperately. I stared at him, my heart pounding, my body still shaking from a mix of fear and confusion. He blinked slowly, letting out a breath.

"It's just... Surprising."

"...Why?"

He pulled my wrist, urging me back down to the bed. I complied, sitting back down as he smiled slowly at me.

"I didn't think I was your type."

"Why not?"

He ran a hand through his hair, laughing softly.

"Well, I'm really excitable and noisy, and annoying-"

"You're not annoying," I cut him off without thinking- I couldn't stand hearing him berate himself, "You're so far from annoying."

His blush grew deeper, looking down at his hands, his smile growing larger on his face.

"Thank you, Saeran..." He looked up at me slowly through his lashes, his face going from embarrassed, to an expression I had never seen before- one that looked like he wanted something.

"Um, I've... I've never... Liked a boy before."

I nodded slowly, bracing myself for the rejection that was undoubtedly to come, closing my eyes slowly.

"But.. I think I like you too."

My eyes flew open, my own face growing warm.

"What?!"

Yoosung giggled, shaking his head.

"Now you sound like me."

"Well, no, but... What?!"

He smiled, playing with a lock of his hair, the look on his face almost dream-like.

"You... I feel happy when I'm with you. You make me feel warm inside, and I always want to talk to you. I get sad when we break our hugs, I always want them to last longer..."

I felt my entire body warming up now, my heart jumping in my chest, unable to respond. Was this happiness? I couldn't describe the things I was feeling- it was scary, but in a good way, almost. My thoughts were interrupted as he caught my gaze again, his face visibly nervous.

"..Saeran?"

"Yeah?"

"I've never... Kissed anyone before." He leaned onto his hands before him, his body moving slowly towards mine, and I found myself mesmerized, leaning in as well, like a moth to a flame.

"...Oh?"

He nodded, licking his lips, his eyes flitting down to gaze at my own.

"Yeah... Never.""

"That's... interesting."

He was hardly inches from my face now- I could feel his warm breath tickling my nose, the blush on his cheeks seemingly darker than it had ever been, complimenting the violet of his eyes.

"I'd... I'd like to try though."

"Would you?"

His hand ran over my own, our fingers lacing together automatically.

"Yes." His voice was breathy, to the point of being needy and wanton. My heart felt like it would burst any second, my body so hot I could hardly handle it.

"...Then try."

He pressed his lips to mine, sparks flashing behind my eyes as they closed. I felt a wave of joy overcome me- something I had never felt in my entire life. I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him into my lap, his legs straddling me, and he sighed against my lips, his arms snaking their way around my neck.

I bit at his lip softly, causing him to whimper gently, opening his mouth, experimentally reaching out with his tongue, running it along my own. I groaned as he slid one of his hands in to my hair, his chest completely flush against mine. I swirled my tongue around his, and his body shivered, causing me to squeeze his waist in response.

His teeth bumped mine as he moved, still unsure, still new, still learning- it was messy, and desperate, nothing but tongue and teeth and saliva dripping down my chin.

He pulled away slightly, his eyes half lidded, his shirt exposing his collarbone slightly. His chest heaved, his breath hard and ragged, his lips swollen and pink from the kiss.

He was beautiful.

He giggled shyly, hiding his face behind his hands. I grabbed him by the wrists, gently moving his hands away from his face, smiling at his twinkling eyes as I pulled him back against me, my lips finding his one more time.

* * *

YAY FINALLY KISSES

I have been wanting to write this so badly but I wanted them to progress slowly because that would make the most sense in this situation ;0;

BUT YAY NOW WE ARE HEREEEEE

~Pixil-8


	18. Not a Dream

Hi hi! I'm still not quite sleepy yet, so I'm gonna type up this chapter before going to bed ~~

I do not own MM!

* * *

I gasped, bolting upright from my bed. I looked around the room, panting heavily. I clutched my chest, confusion and worry blooming in my chest- was it... It couldn't have been a dream, could it?

My phone rang suddenly, and I reached for it on the bedside table, answering immediately as Yoosung's face popped onto the screen.

"Yoosung?"

"Saeran! Did I wake you up?"

"Um, No- I just woke up."

"Oh, that's good. What did you do today?"

I blinked slowly, my hand falling to my side. Was it a dream? He was acting completely normally. Sadness wavered in the pits of my stomach, my breathing slowing, the disappointment of the situation overtaking me.

"I.. Didn't do much."

"Oh," His voice comes out as a sigh, "Yeah, I couldn't focus today either. I was thinking about you all day."

My heart skipped, and I pressed on, hopeful that this was what I thought it was.

"Why?"

His laugh came through the phone- I could just picture him shaking his head at me.

"Jeez, did you forget our kiss already?"

"Oh thank god..." My words carried out on my breath, quiet, but happy, relief washing over me.

"What?"

I laughed softly, embarrassment quickly replacing my relief.

"Well, I... I thought maybe I had dreamt that..."

"Oh, well good, cause I worried about that too, to be honest! But then my shirt smelled like you, so..." He let out a small breath before continuing. "I'm glad it wasn't a dream."

I swallowed, my free hand twitching on my lap- I would give anything to hold him right now.

"Me... Me too."

"So," His voice was small, like he was afraid of the response he might get, "What.. What does this mean?"

"I guess, that... The next step would be officially dating... But I want to do it properly."

"Properly?"

"I... I want to take you on a date." I blushed as I said this, pushing down my anxiety as it screamed within me. I had to do this, I needed to do this. I wanted to do everything for him.

"Really?!"

"Y-yeah."

"Okay! Oh my gosh! I'm so excited!"

I laughed softly at his giddiness, shaking my head. He never failed to be adorable at any given time.

"What are we gonna do?"

"Let me plan it," I bit my lip before finishing my sentence, "I... I want to make you feel special."

"O-Okay."

A smile formed on my lips- I could practically hear him blushing through the phone. I brushed my thumb over the phone, closing my eyes, longing to stroke his cheek.

"I'll call you tomorrow about the details, okay?"

"Okay... Goodnight, Saeran."

"Goodnight."

I placed the phone back on the table, leaning back onto my pillows. I brought one from the side, pressing it against my chest, hugging it tightly, closing my eyes, envisioning him in its place.

I haven't felt this way in all my years of living. Not even as a child did I ever know someone or have someone that I desperately wanted to please this badly, to protect this badly. It was always me being protected, or protecting myself, out of fear and paranoia, but now, I had this wonderful thing at the tip of my fingers- I would lose my mind if I let it go.

I squeezed the pillow harder, breathing in deeply- if only this was Yoosung's earthy scent.

I don't know what I can really give you. I don't think I can give you the things you give me.

But I'll give you everything I can.

* * *

This is a short one, but the next one will be longer ~ I'm excited for Saeran to take him on a date eeee ~~~

~Pixil-8


	19. First Date

Hello! I hope everyone is pumped for Saeran to take our bby Yoosung on a date! ~~ Eeee I know I am. ;0;

I do not own MM!

* * *

The car came to a stop in front of the apartment, and I became painfully aware of the shaking in my hands. I let out a breath, closing my eyes, attempting to collect myself. A hand rested on my shoulder, and I looked over, Saeyoung smiling at me fondly.

"I'm really happy for you, Saeran."

I nodded, a small smile on my lips as I unbuckled the seatbelt, getting out of the car. I waved Saeyoung off, pulling out my phone to alert Yoosung of my presence. It was only a moment before he threw open the door, running outside towards me excitedly.

"Saeran!"

I smiled as I looked him over- he had taken the clip out of his hair, opting to let his hair fall gently into his eyes. He was wearing a dark blue button-up shirt, having left the top few buttons undone, exposing the creamy skin of his collarbones. A black denim jacket was layered overtop, a small star patch sewed onto the front pocket. He had black skinny jeans on his legs, and black dress shoes, shining in the street lights around us.

"Saeran?"

It took me a moment to realize I had been staring, and I smiled awkwardly at him.

"Sorry, I just... You look good."

Yoosung blushed, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets, unable to hold back the grin on his face. I smiled as I watched him- he was so bright it seemed he would start glowing any second. He blinked at me as he noticed I had my hand behind my back this whole time, pointing towards it.

"Why are you hiding your hand?"

I blushed, looking at the ground before bringing my hand towards him, too embarrassed to see his reaction. I heard him gasp as he stared at the bouquet of Morning Glory, Petunias, and Rhododendron flowers. I gazed over at him from the corner of my eye- his cheeks were bright pink, his hands clasped in front of his chest, eyes wide in surprise.

"These- They're for me?"

I nodded, urging them closer to him, and he reached out, his hands softly brushing mine as he took the bouquet. His eyes scanned over them, looking at them as though they weren't even real. He looked up at me, smiling a bit.

"Did you.. Pick these because they matched my eyes?"

I crossed my arms, looking at the ground, and he giggled, not needing a response. I sighed to myself- I really needed to stop being so stubborn, and give him answers to the questions he asks of me, but I get so flustered I revert to my automatic reactions. He placed a hand on my wrist, and I looked up at him, my eyes running over the curve of his lips.

"I'm going to put these inside really quickly okay? I don't want to ruin them by carrying them all night."

I nodded, watching as he ran back into the apartment. I placed my hand on my chest, willing myself to be calm, and strong, but I felt a whirlpool of nerves tumbling throughout my body, almost making me feel dizzy. I focused on my breathing, allowing my lungs to completely expand before letting the air out slowly, focusing on the sounds of the crickets in the distance, the buzzing of the lights, wiling myself to relax.

I heard the door open again, opening my eyes as Yoosung jogged back towards me. He put his hands back in his pockets, bouncing shyly on the balls of his feet.

"So, what's the plan?"

I nodded over in the direction of which we needed to go.

"I have a reservation at a restaurant not far from here. We can walk there together."

He nodded happily, keeping pace beside me as we began to head off. I frowned to myself, unsure of what to say, or do, anxiety prickling up and down my spine all over again- If I was too quiet, would that annoy him? If I talk, would that be awkward?

I felt him bump into my side gently, glancing over at him, admiring the flush of his cheeks. His eyes met mine for a moment, a smile crawling onto his lips, and I looked away, hiding the blush on my face with my hair. I flinched slightly as I felt him slide his hand into my own, lacing our fingers together, his thumb running gently over my own. I sighed, allowing myself to relax- he wanted to do this, he wanted to feel me. A spark of happiness shot inside my mind at this thought, a smile forming on my lips without myself even realizing.

We arrived at the restaurant, and I held the door for him, which caused him to giggle. He admired the decor of the place, chandeliers and velvet-covered chairs. He sat down at the table we were directed to, his eyes still searching the room, in complete awe.

"Wow, this place is beautiful," His voice was soft and inspired, until suddenly shock overcame his features, "Wait, Saeran! I don't have any money!"

I shook my head slowly at him, almost laughing at his concern.

"Let me take care of it."

"But, Saeran, this place looks so expensive, and I-"

"Yoosung." I reached across the table, putting my hand over his own, and he froze immediately, his words hanging in the air. His panicked eyes calmed down as he met my gaze, his body releasing the tension it held. I ran my thumb over his knuckles slowly, and he brought his fingers to click in place with my own. "It's okay, Yoosung. I want to do this for you. I want to spoil you."

He blushed brightly, hiding his face by leaning onto his palm with his free hand. I smiled as I saw the tips of his ears glowing bright pink, his voice muffled as he responded with a quiet 'Okay'.

We ordered not long after, and because I may have sent an extra tip to the kitchen staff before arriving, our food came very quickly. Yoosung looked like a child who had just been given the best present ever as the plate was placed before him, his mouth practically watering at the sight. I stifled a laugh as he began to wolf the food down, people staring at us from different tables, frowning at his poor manners, but I didn't care. He was happy, and that was all that mattered to me. That, and that he didn't choke from eating too fast.

We finished eating, and I got up and paid the bill, holding my hand out to Yoosung as we left. When we stepped out into the dark, I felt him move closer to me, so our arms were pressed together.

"Do you want to go walk by the waterfront?"

He nodded, a movement I could barely pick up in the dark, if it weren't for the tips of his hair illuminated by the far away lights. I felt him shivering slightly as we walked, and I let go of his hand, pulling my jacket off and wrapping it around his upper body, keeping it in place by wrapping my arm around his waist. He blinked up at me, concern in his eyes, but the smile on his face told me he appreciated the gesture.

"Won't you get cold?"

I shook my head slowly at him, "No, I'm always cold so I'm kind of immune to it. Besides, you look really nice in my coat, so I want you to wear it right now."

He blushed, wrapping his own arm around my waist in return, happiness swelling in my chest at the sensation of his arm caressing my back, fingers drawing lazy patterns along my hip.

We walked for some time, eventually stopping at a bench on a dock, my arm wrapped around his shoulder, his head nestled into my neck as we watched the lights reflected onto the water, taking in the stillness of the air, and the sounds of each other's breathing.

"Saeran?"

I nodded, my thumb rubbing his shoulder absentmindedly as he spoke, his breath trailing down my neck.

"When did you... Realize you liked me?"

I blushed, squeezing his shoulder for a moment as I thought of how to respond to this.

"Honestly, I... Think I might have started to like you the moment you first spoke to me. I felt weird when I talked to you, but I ignored it... I don't do feelings very well. It took me a long time to accept and understand what the things I felt around you meant, since... I've never felt them before."

Yoosung's head bowed for a moment before coming up gently, his hair nuzzling softly against my jaw, and I sighed at the sensation.

"I'm sorry it took me longer to figure out. I understand why you got so mad at me about that girl back then."

I laced my fingers into his, sighing and looking away a bit as he lifted his head from my shoulder.

"...Whatever." My voice wasn't cold, or aggressive. It was gentle, which was strange for me- I just couldn't find it in me to say anything else.

"Saeran?"

I turned my head to look at him, about to ask what he wanted, when his lips met mine suddenly, my eyes jumping open in surprise. The shock washed away after a moment, my hand letting go of his own to slide up to cup his jaw, massaging gently below his ear, and he hummed into the kiss, his body seeming to melt into mine.

I pulled away ever so slightly, staring into his eyes, which were absolutely sparkling. I felt my heart skip as he placed his hand over mine, still caressing his jawline, his eyes twinkling as though they had captured the Milky Way in their depths, his smile a shooting star, flying across the sky.

"This has been amazing." His voice floated into my ears, like the sweetest music I'd ever heard. I blushed softly, unable to hide the smile on my face at the joy that brewed in my chest.

"Um.. So," I reached into my back pocket, pulling out the item I was searching for, "Will you... Be my boyfriend..?"

I opened my hands, revealing matching bracelets. They were made out of a sturdy string, knotted together into a meticulous braid-like shape, in the colours of black and red. There was a silver charm on each, one with the letter 'S' and one with the letter 'Y'. I closed my eyes tightly, feeling like my heart would pound out of my chest as the silence hung in the air, sweat beading up on the back of my neck.

I looked up as I heard a small gasp for air, shocked as I saw Yoosung's hands over his mouth, tears pouring out of his eyes. My eyebrows laced together in concern, and he shook his head, moving his hands slightly, and I could see the smile hiding beneath them as he cried.

"I- I'm so hap-py... Saeran..." He nuzzled his face into my shoulder, his tears making the material damp. I stroked his hair gently, kissing the top of his head, and he kissed my shoulder gently in response. I smiled, pulling back to wipe his tears away.

"So... Is that a yes?"

He smacked me in the arm, letting out a choked laugh as he held out his wrist. My cheeks felt warm as I clasped the bracelet with my initial on it, and he reached for the other, holding my wrist out before him so he could clasp the one with his, onto me. He pulled my arm towards him, leaning down to kiss the bracelet before looking up at me, still teary eyed. I wiped his tears away once again, tilting his jaw up slowly, my lips closing over his own.

His hands rested on my shoulders, thumbs rubbing the skin there soothingly, and I sighed against him, holding him as close as I could- never wanting to let him go.

* * *

oH MY GOD EHILWHIELW

WHY AM I GETTING EXCITED

I AM WRITING THIS STORY

FUCK

I JUST REALLY LOVE YOORAN. OKAY

FIGHT ME

*cries*

Also, I did some research on flowers to find ones that I could imagine Saeran giving Yoosung, and those flowers are all purple, except the Morning Glory has some yellow and white in the center. :3

~Pixil-8


	20. Astrapophobia

Hi hi~ I wonder if someday in the future they'll invent a machine that can type for you just by like putting on a helmet. I'm fast at typing, but my fingertips keep getting cold so I have to take breaks ;0;

I don't wanna take breaks!  
I just wanna write cute stories about Yooran gawddamit

I do not own MM!

* * *

I laid on the couch, staring at the roof in the dim light of the living room, the lights turned down to a soft glow. Saeyoung and Jade had gone off on a business trip to talk deals with a toy company in another country- their business had been growing steadily, and other companies were looking to open up franchises around the world. It was nice that there was one here at home, though, because they let me help with the store as a source of income. I didn't want to come off as a deadweight, stealing their resources, but they knew I was unfit to start working anywhere anytime soon, but helping Saeyoung design the AI programs for his toys was a good place for me to be.

My phone rang suddenly, and I pulled it out of my pocket, bringing it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hi, um- Can... Can I come over?"

I raised an eyebrow at Yoosung's hurried words, his breathing shaky in the receiver of the phone.

"...Sure, if you want."

"Okay."

He hung up, and I stared at the phone in confusion. Why did he sound so panicked? Did something happen? I stood up, deciding to start making some tea for when he arrived. I started heating the kettle, searching in the cabinets for the desired tea leaves I wanted, pulling out the glasses with the strainers. I nearly jumped out of my skin as someone pounded on the door hardly fifteen minutes later. I turned, looking through the peep hole to see Yoosung standing there, fidgeting desperately with the strings of his hoodie. I opened the door, his eyes relaxing momentarily as he saw me.

"Saer-" Thunder cracked loudly in the distance, and he crumpled to a kneeling position, his head in his hands "RAN!"

I blinked at him, suddenly realizing why he had sounded so terrified- there was a bad storm due for tonight, thunder, lightning, rain, heavy wind, the works. I kneeled down in front of him, pulling him up slowly by the arms, closing the door and locking it, pulling him into a soothing hug. He clutched my sweater, pressing his face into my chest, his body quivering like a leaf.

"Hey, why don't we go to the kitchen? I started making tea."

He nodded feebly, and I laced my hand into his, holding it firmly, letting him know I was here. I handed him his cup of tea, and he took it, holding the warm ceramic in his hands, his eyes slightly watery. We drank in silence, and I watched his features slowly lose the severe tension they had before, the tea soothing his fears.

He set his mug down, and I smiled at him, grabbing his hand once more as we walked into the living room. I sat down on it, pulling him down gently next to me, wrapping my arms around him again. He sighed against my neck as I rubbed his back slowly, his hands limply hanging around my waist.

"When I was little, there was a time my parents had to go to meet my Aunt on an emergency," His voice was small, and wavering- I continued rubbing up and down his spine softly, urging him to continue, "They didn't know it was going to storm that night. I had been home alone before, but never during a storm that bad. The thunder was- was so loud that the house was shaking and I-" He let out a low breath, his body quivering at the memory, "I hid under my bed. I think I passed out there from crying. My parents found me there in the morning. I've had astrapophobia ever since."

I looked him over slowly, staring at the anxious curve of his back as he hunched over, looking like he would collapse into himself at any moment. I moved away from him, causing him to look at me in shock, but I smiled, resting myself back against the arm of the couch, opening my arms to him. He blushed softly, moving to lay against my chest, his body nestled between my legs. I ran my fingers soothingly through his hair, and I swear for even a second, I heard him purr.

"You don't have to be scared anymore."

He looked up at me, his eyes questioning, and I pressed my forehead against his, nuzzling his nose with mine.

"I'll protect you."

He cracked a small smile, blinking up at me.

"Really?"

I smiled, nodding slowly.

"..Yeah. I'll use my LOLOL skills to defeat the thunder gods or whatever."

He laughed loudly, burying his face into my chest, the vibrations of his laughter running across my chest. He squeezed my waist tightly as he calmed down, laying his ear above my heart, listening to the sound of my heartbeat.

"Thank you, Saeran."

I closed my eyes, wallowing in the sensation of his warmth covering my chest and stomach, his hair tickling my collarbone as his head lay on my chest. My fingers lazily traced along his arms, his skin softer than silk, a sigh escaping my lips.

"I'll always protect you."

* * *

Am I the only one that firmly believes Yoosung would be scared of thunder? I think it just seems like something he would be scared of. I personally love thunder :3

However, I do have Apiphobia (fear of bees), Spheksphobia (fear of wasps) and a fear of hermit crabs. There's no word for that directly, just "Kauborophobia" but that's fear of crabs in general, and I don't fear most crabs- just the tiny little demon spawn ones. I fainted in a pet store when my boyfriend pushed me towards the hermit crab container- he didn't realize I wasn't kidding when I said i'm horrified of them. Needless to say, he pampered me for the rest of the day cause He felt like an asshole for doing that. LOL. (He's a good guy, he just didn't think it was a legit fear- he still apologizes for it and that was a year and a half ago)

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

~Pixil-8


	21. Home Date

Yo! I hope you've all been enjoying the cute official beginnings of the Yooran relationship~~ If I didn't have to do life, and stuff, I would just keep writing because I want to get this fic done so you all can enjoy it :3 I'm trying to update at least 2-3 times a day, so I hope that is good for all of you!

I do not own MM!

* * *

I followed Yoosung up the stairs, the sounds of our steps echoing throughout the stairwell- He had asked me to come over to help him study, to which I quickly complied. I may have torn Saeyoung from a cuddle session with Jade, but when I told her why I had interrupted them, she shoved him towards me so he could drive me here, insisting he take me immediately.

Yoosung opened the door to his apartment, and I blinked a bit as I stepped inside- the lights were all off, the only glow in the room was emanating from candles that had been placed throughout the hall, kitchen, and bedroom. My mouth hung slack as I looked at him, his cheeks flushed, his hands held behind his back as he scuffed the ground with his foot.

"I wanted to take you on a date too, but, I don't have enough money to do that right now, so I thought I could make you a romantic supper here. It's already cooked, and everything- I'm sorry it isn't extravagant like what you did for me, but-"

I cut him off, kissing him on the cheek softly, pulling away just as fast, hanging my jacket on the coatrack. I walked towards the kitchen, looking back at him momentarily, smiling a bit as I saw that his hand was touching his cheek where my lips had touched it.

"Well, are we going to eat this romantic supper, or?"

Yoosung grinned as he walked over to me, seating me at the table, serving out the food he had made. We finished quickly, over small conversations, and the occasional foot rub- the first time his foot ran along my shin, I was sure that he could see the redness of my face even in the dim glow of candlelight. He continued to do it, the heat in my cheeks refusing to come down.

He cleared away the plates, wrapping his arms around my waist when he was done, placing a kiss between my collarbones.

"Do you want to watch a movie?"

I nodded, following him to his bedroom. We curled up on his bed comfortably, my back to the wall his body positioned perfectly in mine. As I ran my hands over his arms, I couldn't help but wonder if he was made for me, the way his back curved perfectly against my chest, his head nestling into my neck like clockwork.

Halfway through the movie, I felt his hand gently stroking my knee, running it slowly up and down my shin. I shivered, biting my lip at this motion, and I could almost see the curves of a mischievous smile forming on his mouth. He tilted his head up towards me, his eyes even more beautiful in the dim lighting. He flipped himself around, so his chest was pressed to mine, leaning up to press his lips onto my own. I sighed, parting my lips gently, his tongue snaking out to run along them, sliding into my mouth.

He gripped my shirt in his hands, pulling me against him hard, his tongue running along my teeth, and my body shuddered, my hands running down his back, squeezing hard at his waist. I caught his bottom lip between my teeth, nibbling at it softly, my resolve nearly snapping as he moaned in response.

I pulled back, hiding my face with my arm, my breathing heavy, my heart slamming against my ribcage. I felt him place a hand on my chest gently, and I let out a sigh, removing my arm from my head to rest over his hand, looking up at him apologetically.

"I... Need to stop."

He tilted his head, his hair falling into his eyes ever so sweetly.

"Why?"

I forced a smile onto my face- his innocence never failed to astound me.

"I just need to right now."

He nodded slowly, returning himself to his previous position, settling into my embrace comfortably. I felt my body heat calming down, the adrenaline in my mind coming to a slow stop as I forced myself to look only at the movie screen- afraid that If I caught his gaze again, I wouldn't be able to hold back.

* * *

Innocent Yoosung, oh, you sweet bean.

hohohohohoho.

~Pixil-8


	22. Better This Way

Hi!

Okay, I wanna make a quick note, because I don't think I mentioned this before, and I should have, I just wanna make sure it's clear- As you all know, this fanfic is set after all the Extra episodes, assuming that what happened in them, Happened. EXCEPT, I MADE ONE CHANGE and I want to clarify that change NOW. In this story, Rika died when V died. She killed herself out of agony from losing her sun. She did not see Yoosung again, and only Jumin, Jaehee, Saeyoung, Saeran, Jade, and Vanderwood know that she had been alive. Zen and Yoosung DID NOT GET TOLD that Rika was the leader of Mint Eye. I alluded to this in previous chapters where Yoosung stated "when Rika was still alive" but I wanted to make it perfectly clear that she is dead in this story, because the next few chapters bring this topic up, and I just realized I'm an idiot who didn't clarify this fact.

BACK TO THE STORY THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME TAKE YOUR TIME

I do not own MM!

* * *

I shoved my hands in pockets, unable to stop the fidgeting of my hands as the elevator rose higher and higher. I felt Yoosung slide his hand down my elbow, pulling my hand out of my pocket, sliding our fingers together. I sighed, smiling at him thankfully, squeezing his hand. It had been a while since I saw everyone in the RFA at one place- the RFA party wasn't too long ago, but I spent most of that night scowling in a corner with unbridled jealousy.

I sighed gently as the elevator doors opened, finally having reached the 100th floor. We stepped out, walking down the hall, showing our ID cards to the security guards. They nodded, opening the door and letting us inside the penthouse. Everyone turned, smiling and waving at us as we approached them. Zen stumbled over tipsily, clearly having already had too much to drink as he wrapped his arm around Yoosung's shoulder.

"Yoosung! So good to see you."

Yoosung glanced at me sheepishly as I glared at Zen, crossing my arms over my chest. Jumin sighed, prying Zen's arms from Yoosung, pushing him into a chair, glancing over at me.

"Pardon him."

I shook my head, my body twitching violently as someone hugged me from behind. Red hair flashed in my peripherals, and I jabbed my elbow backwards, earning a pained grunt from my brother.

"Saeyoung!"

He coughed, pouting, leaning his head on my shoulder, looking up at me with puppy dog eyes.

"I just wanted to hug my sweet little brother!"

I glared at him, trying to break from his grip.

"Don't touch me."

"Saaaeraaaaaaan!"

Everyone laughed as I continued to pry him off of me- it was like he was an octopus, wrapping himself around my body. I heard Yoosung giggle at the scene, and I rolled my eyes softly, giving in to the forced affection, Saeyoung nuzzling his cheek against my own roughly before running back to Jade.

"It's good to see that you seem to be doing well."

I turned to the feminine voice at my side, seeing Jaehee standing near me, a smile on her face. I nodded slowly, taking a small step back.

"Yes, well..."

Warmth enveloped my side, Yoosung sliding his hand back into mine, squeezing my hand gently, a gesture of which I returned thankfully. I gave Jaehee a small smile, shifting my weight on my feet.

"Thanks..."

She nodded, walking back off, presumably to ask the Security Guards to bring up another bottle of wine. Jumin offered both of us a glass of what was left, and I stared down at the red liquid contemplatively- I had never tasted wine before, let alone what this probably ridiculously priced wine is. I looked at Yoosung, and he smiled, moving his glass towards mine, and I smiled a bit, clinking it against his own before taking a sip. The liquor was warm in my throat, but it went down like a dream, the flavour bursting in my mouth.

I definitely did not want to ask how expensive this was.

* * *

Everyone was having a good time, laughing and talking, engaging in various shenanigans. Speaking of said shenanigans, I rolled my eyes as I watched Saeyoung prodding at Jumin and Zen, currently attempting to goad them into performing a dare.

"Come on guys, are you scared?"

"I don't have time for this kind of foolish play." Jumin leaned onto his hand, his legs crossed in an almost regal fashion as he stared up at Saeyoung, who held a lecherous smirk on his face.

"You haven't even heard the dare yet!"

Zen swatted at Saeyoung, rolling his eyes.

"I don't want to hear it."

"I dare you two to kiss."

Zen knocked over his chair due to the speed at which he stood, knocking over a glass in his shock.

"You want us to _what?!"_

Saeyoung crossed his arms, his glasses glinting in the light.

"Kiss. On the lips. Maybe with tongue too, y'know, whatever you feel like."

Zen's face was bright red, glowering at Saeyoung.

"Why in the hell would I want to-"

"Hyun."

Zen froze as he heard Jumin utter his real name, looking back at him. Jumin was glaring darkly at the broken crystal glass on the floor, sighing as he stood.

"My father gave me those glasses as a gift. What a shame. You will have to pay me for this."

Zen blinked slowly, fear overcoming him at the thought of how expensive those glasses could be.

"P-pay you? Jumin, you can't be serious- it was an accident, and you know I don't-"

Jumin intterupted him, grabbing him by the collar, pulling him into a kiss, his tongue visibly sliding over Zen's lips. Zen cried out in surprise, muffled against Jumin's lips, his face a deeper red than the ruby of his eyes as Jumin tongued at his mouth. He was pushed away just as quickly as the kiss began, landing back on the floor with a thud, staring up at Jumin, completely flustered.

Jumin fixed his tie slowly, staring back at the glass, sighing.

"That was very mediocre, but I suppose it should suffice. I will call for a maid."

He walked around Zen, who was blinking slowly, his lip quivering for a moment before he turned around, yelling after Jumin.

"What the hell do you mean that was mediocre, you damn trust fund kid?!"

"I'll have my assistant send you a high-quality dictionary so you can look up the definition of it."

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!"

Zen ran after him, fuming, and everyone else laughed, all except Jaehee- her face was bright red, a look of shock overcome on her features. I laughed to myself as I looked at her- seeing her boss promptly make out with her idol was probably not a sight she ever expected to see. I turned to my side, watching as Yoosung wiped tears from his eyes, from laughing too hard.

"That guy has quite the personality."

Yoosung smiled, shaking his head at my words.

"He's always been like that. He seems like he's never phased by anything," He sighed softly, watching everyone talk and recover from the events that just occured, "I wish Rika was here."

The blood in my veins froze, my smile dropping from my face- it felt like I had been dropped into the ocean along with the polar ice caps, shivering at the name as memories flooded my brain. My hand fell limp, letting go of Yoosung's hand, and he turned to me, concern written upon his face as he stared at my face, which was probably growing paler by the second.

"Saeran? Darling, what's wrong?"

I stepped back, my head spinning violently. I brought my hand to my face, trying to stop it, trying to clear the panic, but it was growing, it was bubbling over- I was losing control.

"B-bathroom." I turned on my heel, bolting away from him, ignoring the calls of my name that trailed after me. I slammed the door behind me, locking it, running to the sink. I turned on the tap, running the cold water. I splashed it onto my face desperately, hoping that it would return me to reality, but it wasn't working. It felt like there was no oxygen in the room, my breathing deep gasps, my body quaking with pain.

I looked up at the mirror, my eyes flying open, stumbling backwards in fear as Rika stared back at me, her green eyes glowering down at me.

 _"Saeran,"_ I choked as she spoke, my back slamming against the wall, _"Come back to me. Your saviour is waiting for you."_

"No," I gasped, shaking my head violently, "NO! You- you're gone- you aren't real, you're not real, no..."

She laughed darkly, the sound overtaking my senses, constricting my lungs, my heart, my head. I pulled at my hair, screaming- it hurt, oh god, _no, make it stop- make it stop-!_

"SAERAN!"

The sound of his screams- fists banging on the door, it was all muffled background noise, static in my ears as the room tilted and distorted around me. I rocked back and forth, screaming into my legs, tears coming down like a waterfall. I brought a hand to my chest, digging my nails into the skin through my shirt, the pain grounding me, just enough to force myself up on shaky legs, whipping open the door, falling to my knees again.

I felt Yoosung try to embrace me, and I pushed him away, my sobs echoing throughout the penthouse- I could hear everyone's footsteps nearing, gathering in the hall to see the commotion.

"I- I can't- I cant do this anymore..."

Yoosung stared at me, his face pained, eyes dripping with worry as I cried, my body unable to stop the tremors wreaking havoc on it. I gasped for air, hitting my thigh with my fist, shaking my head.

"I can't... Do it..."

"Do... What?" He spoke slowly, keeping his hands to himself. I choked again, repeatedly punching my legs, desperate to punish myself for these sins, for the sins of the knowledge I had.

"It isn't fair. It's not fair-! I'm not fair to you!"

"What are you talking abou-"

I looked up at him, my face mangled with anguish, tears dripping from my chin.

"I know too many things that I can't bear to tell you, I know too many things that would tear you apart and destroy you and I can't _do it anymore!"_

He stared at me for a moment, realization crawling onto his features. His hands fell to his sides, his eyes wide, brows curling up to meet in the center, his lip beginning to quiver.

"You... Know something about Rika..?"

I stared at him, desperate to say something, anything- but I couldn't speak. I was a coward. I couldn't be the one to watch his spark drain from his eyes. I hung my head between my arms, desperately trying to breathe between my sobs. Yoosung stood, and Saeyoung ran over, grabbing him by the shoulders, stopping him from moving.

"Yoosung, listen to me, I can explain this-"

Yoosung pushed him away hard, his back hitting the wall.

"What, you knew something too?! Do you all know? Am I the only one it was kept from? Am I the only one that the truth about my cousin was _kept from?!"_ His voice broke as he screamed, his body trembling, his hands balled into fists. He turned, running down the hall and away to the front door. Saeyoung called after him in a feeble attempt to stop him. I watched as he ran, my body numb, my vision filing away into tunnels, the sight of his blonde hair running away from me the only thing I could see, my hearing fading away into white noise.

Yes.

This is how it should be.

I can't be the one to destroy him.

I would rather die.

I felt my body go limp, everything around me fading to black, screams vague in the back of my head as my eyes closed, falling into the depths surrounding me.

Yes.

It was better this way.

This was for the best.

* * *

GAH I HATE MYSELF

WHY ME

WHY

I DONT WANT THEM TO FIGHT, BUT PLOT AND STUFF UGH

~Pixil-8


	23. The Truth

Hey! I wanna write this chapter quickly because cliffhangers and just nope nopeity nope nope

I do not own MM!

* * *

I ignored the knocking at the door, rolling over on my bed, holding a pillow to my chest. My entire body was numb, my mind completely empty. I felt like a shell of the person that I was; and considering how empty the person I am, is, that's saying something.

I sighed, the banging at my door growing louder.

"Go away."

"Saeran," I could hear Jade speaking from the other side, concern dripping from her voice, "You need to talk to him! Please, just call him you can't leave things like this."

I gripped the pillow tighter, closing my eyes.

"It's better this way."

"No it isn't! He-"

"He will be better without me!" I snapped, throwing the pillow at the door. It fell against it with a soft thump, hitting the floor. I felt tears sting the back of my eyes, shaking my head slowly. "No... We are over. This is for the best."

"Saeran-"

"No, let me talk to him."

I sighed as I heard Saeyoung approaching, and he knocked on the door gently.

"Saeran?"

"What."

I laid back onto the bed, throwing my arms over my face- I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to see anyone- I just wanted to be alone, and desperately try to forget about Yoosung. It was best for him. My presence would only hinder his life, stifle the light that emanates from his soul. I closed my eyes tightly, fighting the sadness in the pits of my stomach. This was for the best.

"Saeran, It's been a week since it happened."

"I'm glad you can count the days still, Saeyoung."

I could hear him sigh on the other side, his hand pressed against the door. I rolled onto my side, facing away from it. I just wanted him to go, and leave. For once, I _wanted_ him to leave.

"What if I told you I have a surprise for you?"

"I don't want any surprises, Saeyoung, just leave me alone..!" I gripped the sheets in my fists, biting at my lip- Why was this so hard for them to understand? Why couldn't they just understand and leave me be?

Suddenly the door swung open, and I shot up, going to yell at Saeyoung for using the security override system, but my anger froze in mid-air as my eyes landed upon a head of blonde hair.

Yoosung stared at me sadly, his right hand gripping his left wrist hard, his face pink and puffy. Had he been crying all this time? I felt guilt wash over me all over again- this was my fault he went through this. This was all my fault.

He looked down at the floor, stepping just inside the door, closing it behind him. He leaned against it, rubbing his arm softly. I didn't dare move- I didn't know what to do, or say. I was torn between telling him to leave, to forget about me, and wanting to run to him, my body shaking as it fought over these decisions in my mind.

"Are... You still mad...?"

He shook his head slowly, sighing.

"No. Just... Upset and confused." He looked up at me, his eyebrows creased together, his lips pursed. He took slow steps towards me, standing a few feet away from me, staring into my eyes. "I want you to tell me what you know."

My stomach twisted at his words, my hand automatically reaching for it, doubling over somewhat. I saw his body flinch- possibly reacting to reach out to me, but refraining in the current situation. I shook my head slowly, looking up at him, my eyes desperate and anguished.

"Yoosung... There's... A lot that goes in to that."

He sat down on the edge of the bed, his gaze still on me. His eyes were firm, but shaken, a swirling madness mingling together all into one.

"Then I'll stay all night." He reached out slowly, brushing his fingers slowly over mine- I swallowed thickly, my body aching at his soft touch, a touch I feared I would never experience ever again- and still might not if I mess up now.

"Saeran," His voice hitched as he spoke, his eyes slowly coming up to meet mine, "I... I want to be with you. But if you know about my cousin, the truth about her- you need to tell me. Please. I _need_ you to tell me."

My body was shaking, bile rising in my throat- I swallowed hard, covering my mouth for a moment until it calmed down. I ran my hand over my forehead, through my hair, letting it fall down at my side limply. His eyes were pleading with me, watching as I shook before him, and I felt my heart cracking inside me. What is the better choice- letting him go, away from my madness, to live in ignorance? Or telling him, allowing him to be corrupted by the darkness that is reality, for the selfish hope that he will stay?

I sighed heavily, a tear falling from my eyes as I shook my head slowly.

I'm selfish.

"...Okay. I'll tell you. It's... It's a really long story, so..."

Yoosung nodded slowly, staring at me. He squeezed my hand quickly, a forced smile on his face.

"I'm gonna go get you a glass of juice. You look like you haven't eaten. Take some time to gather your thoughts while I go." He got up, leaving the room swiftly. I ran my hands through my hair, breathing heavily through my nose- I was terrified, horrified- Telling Yoosung the truth about the person he looked up to so much, the truth about _me..._

I shuddered, covering my mouth again as bile rose up, forcing it back down, letting out a choked gasp. I shook my head, fighting myself- No. I need to do this. I need to try.

* * *

He settled himself next to me against the headboard, glasses of juice placed on the bedside table next to us. I was picking hard at my nails, my body swimming with distress as the reality of the upcoming conversation hit me. He put his hand over mine, and I froze, closing my eyes as I let out a shaky breath, turning to him a bit more, leaning against the headboard, staring into his eyes.

"To... To be able to explain what happened, I have to explain my past first. With... With Saeyoung."

He nodded slowly, slipping his fingers into mine, squeezing my hand softly. I took in a small breath, focusing on his gentle touch, willing myself to continue.

"We... Saeyoung and I, we were illegitimate twins," I spoke slowly, desperately trying to keep my voice from shaking as I spoke, "Our dad was running in the presidential election, and my mom would threaten him- saying that if he didn't send her money, she would reveal the truth about us being his illegitimate children, something that would have ruined his career. She did this to him for years." I shook my head slowly, my voice beginning to waver. I let out a couple deep breaths before continuing, looking back up into his eyes.

"I was much weaker than Saeyoung. He was always the strong, positive one. I got sick easily, and our mom, she... She abused us, and was a drunk, but, she always came down on me harder since I was an easier target. She would tie me up by the leg, so I could only move a small distance in my room.. She would hit me for whatever reason she could come up with, pull my hair out, refuse to give me food.. She would scream at me for things Saeyoung would do. But Saeyoung, he... He did everything he could to protect me. He stayed strong for me- always telling me he would free us before we were adults, and that we could be happy."

"He came home one day with a huge book, and was reading it all the time. When I asked what it was, he said that the things he was learning in that book would be able to free us, and make us happy one day. I could tell that he was changing, just watching him read those books. I started to hope that maybe one day we actually would get out of there. Before that, every time he talked about it, I couldn't help but think to myself that I would die before I became an adult. I really thought I would die there."

Yoosung squeezed my hand, his mouth hung open in shock. He moved closer to me, pressing his body against mine, wrapping his arms around me. I leaned into his touch, his warmth, his essence. I focused on evening out my breathing before I continued.

"Then one day.. Saeyoung never came back. My mother beat me, screaming to tell her where he was, but I didn't know. She didn't let me have any water for two days- I was so scared, I just sat in the corner, trying to stay as quiet as I could, afraid that she would attack me if I made any noise. I thought Saeyoung had died.. Thinking that- him being gone- it felt like half of me had been torn to shreds," I bit my lip, breathing heavily through my nose, Yoosung's hand running up and down my back slowly as he listened, "So I just sat there. Desperately praying in my mind that he would come back to me. But he didn't- but, one day, someone came to the house."

I looked at Yoosung apprehensively, and he squeezed my shoulder, staring back into my eyes.

"Who was it?"

"It... Was Rika, and V."

Yoosung's brows came together, his head shaking slowly in confusion at this news.

"What... Did they do?"

"They... They told my mom that they had enough legal evidence to take her to court for abusing me, but that there would be no problems as long as she sent me to a church school when I was of age. V persuaded her, and she let them see me. Rika looked like she was going to vomit when she saw the state I was in... They started taking me to church school, and V actually was teaching me how to take pictures and use a camera. Rika took a picture of me that day, I remember... And after that she... She asked me to meet her in the mass room, alone."

"Alone?"

I nodded slowly, fighting the urge to start picking at my nails all over again.

"She.. She said she had something to give me. It was a book- she said it would teach me all of the things Saeyoung studied. I desperately wanted to find answers, in any way, as to why he vanished- I thought learning how to do what he did would make me feel connected to him, and explain why he left. It didn't, but one day, Rika brought me to a strange building, and put me in a cell there."

Yoosung's eyebrows caved in, his eyes flashing with shock and distress.

"She... Put you in a cell?"

"Yes... She wanted to use me as their weapon, to get any information we needed to bring people in to convert them. She... She brainwashed me. They would tie me down, and inject drugs into me- the doctors I saw after Saeyoung saved me said some of them were Peyote Cactus, Methanol, Mushrooms, and others they couldn't identify... They said it was a miracle I lived, my body as weak as it is already..."

"She kept giving me those drugs, telling me that all the things Saeyoung had said were lies that V forced him to say. That Saeyoung was lying the whole time about loving me, and wanting to save me- that he left because I was a burden. She told me... Not to trust him ever again, or else I would face an unrecoverable disease in my brain, and never be saved. That if I wanted to avoid living with people like my mother again, I had to believe her, so that I could finally live."

I let out a shaky breath, tears flowing from my eyes, my hands shivering in my lap.

"I... Was desperate. The drugs messed with me, so I believed everything. I truly thought her to be my saviour. I became paranoid of everything else, which was a fast progression, since even at my mothers I was in a weak mental state- I was terrified of getting hurt by anyone else, so I became suspicious of everyone. The only one I could trust was my saviour."

"And... That was... Rika..." Yoosung's voice was soft, his eyes dark as he spoke. I nodded slowly, chewing at my lip. "But why did... Why did she make you send Jade to us...?"

"She... She was hoping that she could use Jade to get information, to capture everyone in the RFA, and convert them into Mint Eye. Rika was convinced that she was a saviour, sent to save and cleanse everyone from their darkness, their tainted minds. She wanted to bring all of you in, put you through the cleansing ceremony, and induct you into the cult."

"Cleansing..?"

"The drugs... The brainwashing."

Yoosung shook his head slowly, his arms squeezing harder around my waist. He looked like he was going to combust, his face pale, his eyes wide and unfocused. I bit my lip, squeezing his hand gently, and he looked at me, his vision coming back to focus somewhat.

"That's.. Not everything I need to tell you. When Saeyoung, Jade, and Vanderwood tried to save me... I had a breakdown when Rika tried to make the believers send me for another brainwashing. I pulled out my gun, screaming at them, and I... I... I blamed V, for everything, because of what she told me. She told me V had tainted my brother, and that was why he left me. So all my pain was V's fault... And I..."

Tears fell from my face as Yoosung stared at me, his eyes wide, his hair falling onto his face sadly.

"Yoosung, I... I killed V. And then Rika killed herself, because of the distress of seeing V die. It's my fault they're dead, Yoosung."

Yoosung shook his head slowly, his grip on me loosening, his own eyes becoming watery, rolling down his cheeks. He swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut tight for a moment before pressing his forehead against my shoulder.

"I... God, I... I don't know.. What to do with all this... I feel like I've been torn apart- Rika was my idol- I looked up to her so much, and she did all that...! I-I don't know... I don't know how to accept that," He began sobbing, his shoulders quaking as he did so, and I felt my heart crumbling in my chest, scared to touch him, scared to move, "I don't know how... To move past this.. To know that V really was trying to protect everyone, and I blamed him so much, when really it was the person I was so anguished about who was causing all this pain... And he's dead now, I can't even apologize to him..." He choked on a sob, his left hand clutching hard at his shirt, his head shaking as he spoke.

"I feel like... I've been broken.. But... But that last part... Is a lie." He looked up at me, his violet eyes wavering beneath the rainstorm hailing down his face. I swallowed, blinking at him.

"I didn't lie about anything, that was-"

He grabbed my hands, shaking his head, crying harder.

"No- Shut up! Just, shut up!"

I froze as he raised his voice, staring at me, his gaze intense, and heavy. It felt like my body had been locked in place as he looked at me that way.

"Don't... Don't ever blame yourself for their deaths. You.. It's not your fault you got messed up. You... God, you're... You've been through so much... It's Rika's fault that they're both dead. Rika is the one who told you that V said those things... You acted because of what she made you believe. And she acted in response to that, so don't, ever, _ever,_ think that it's your fault they're dead-!"

His cries echoed through my room, his tears falling onto my lap, creating a distinct damp spot. He hit me on the shoulder weakly, still shaking his head as he wept.

"Don't... Don't blame yourself... Please... I'm so glad that you came back... I... I will regret the way I treated V forever now, and I could care less about Rika now, knowing what she's done- but you, _oh god, you..._ If you hadn't come to me, Saeran... If you hadn't..."

He buried his face in my chest, his cries wanton and unyielding. I wrapped my arms around his back, holding him tightly against me, crying silently into his hair. He grasped at my shirt, almost like he was afraid I would vanish in his grip, never to return.

"Saeran... This is... This is so hard..."

I ran my hand through his hair slowly, shaking my head.

"It's hard... For everyone to handle."

He froze at my words, lifting his head up slightly, wiping his eyes, his face ashamed as he gazed at me.

"I'm sorry.. That was selfish of me.. You went through complete torture, and.."

"And your cousin turned out to be an evil dictator."

He let out a small laugh despite his tears, shaking his head slowly, hiccuping involuntarily. He pressed his palms to his eyes, letting out a shaky breath.

"God... How do you manage to make me laugh even in this awful of a situation?"

I traced my fingers over his arm, coming to rest on his elbow. He lowered his hands, wrapping them around my neck as he crawled into my lap, nestling his face into my shoulder.

"I'm glad I can do that for you, Yoosung."

"Me too...Saeran?" His voice was small, like a child's- it reminded me of when I was crying for Saeyoung after he vanished.

"Yes?"

"Don't ever leave me. Please. I can't lose you too."

A mixture of warmth and sadness filled up my chest, and I held him tighter, burying my face into his hair, inhaling his scent like it was the last breath I would ever take.

"I won't... I won't..."

* * *

GAHHHH omg. I basically recited most of what was mentioned in the Extra Episodes as happening, except for, as noted before, that Rika killed herself after V died.

Poor distressed Yoosung ;0; I'm glad that I can write them back together now. I don't like them apart meeeh

~Pixil-8


	24. Recipe for a Mess

Hey guys ~ I really should be getting some sleep, but I was dumb and drank coffee out of habit and now I have a bit more energy ;0; This next chapter isn't gonna be super long, so i'm gonna try and knock it out- maybe the next one too if I feel up to it!

Hope you enjoy~

I do not own MM!

* * *

"Can you pass me the flour?"

"Which.. Which one is that?"

I sighed, turning towards the counter, pointing at it. Yoosung grabbed the bag, passing it to me, a bright smile on his face. I couldn't help but smile at him, despite the fact that every time I asked him to pass me something, I ended up nearly having to get it myself because he had no idea what it was.

"Okay, first, we have to start preheating the oven to 350 degrees F. Can you do that?"

Yoosung bit his lip, turning towards the oven, pointing at a knob on the panel.

"Is... Is it this one?"

I sighed, laughing under my breath as I nodded. He turned it up to the desired temperature, turning back towards me expectantly, bouncing on his heels with excitement. I shook my head, turning back to make sure the ingredients were all there.

"We're just baking. You're acting like we're doing something exciting."

"It is exciting," he snakes his hands around my waist, under the fabric of my apron, his hands pressing on my stomach, causing me to blush slightly, "I like it when you teach me things. You make learning fun."

"Th-That's... Good. Um, so, now, we have to grease and flour the pan- Like this." I demonstrated the action, making sure the pan was evenly floured. Yoosung nodded, watching intently over my shoulder. I turned my head to look at him a bit, a small smile on my lips.

"Now we have to melt the butter. You'll have to let go of me."

He sighed dramatically, stepping back from me, a pout on his face, like a child who had just been told they weren't getting any candy at the grocery store. I stifled back a laugh, measuring out the butter into the saucepan, watching as it melted. Once it was done, I turned off the stovetop, pouring it into the mixing bowl, stirring in the sugar, eggs, and vanilla. I measured out the cocoa, flour, salt, and baking powder, pouring it into the bowl, plugging in the mixer. I nodded my head towards Yoosung, and he immediately latched himself back on to me, his arms sliding over mine, imitating my motions, but allowing me to control what was happening.

I could feel him smile against my shoulder as we mixed the ingredients, his lips pressed against my skin. I nuzzled my head against his, turning off the mixer, tapping as much as I could off of the beaters and into the bowl. I stepped to the side, smiling back at him.

"Now, pour it into the pan. I'm sure you can figure that out."

He poked me in the stomach, and I jumped back, laughing slightly. I couldn't help but admire him as he rolled up his sleeves, picking up the bowl and spatula, pouring the batter into the pan. His tongue stuck out the corner of his mouth in focus, his eyes determined. He had pinned his bangs back on his forehead, to assure that they didn't get in the way while we were baking, and he was wearing Saeyoung's apron, which read _'Kiss me, I'm a God!'_. He turned back to me, his eyes looking for praise- I could almost envision a tail wagging excitedly behind him. I ruffled his hair, running my hand down behind his ear, scratching there softly, and his eyes closed, pressing into my fingers.

"You're such a puppy."

He blinked at me, his cheeks tinted pink, holding his hands in front of him like a dog as he tilted his head.

"Uh, woof?"

I blushed, grabbing the pan and putting it in the oven, setting the timer quickly. He looked way too cute to be doing that just anywhere. I turned back to the counter, clearing my throat as I began to make the frosting- a mixture of softened butter, cocoa, honey, vanilla extract, and confectioner's sugar. I moved the frosting over to the side, heading to clear up the ingredients. I had just reached for the container of baking powder, when I was stopped by Yoosung calling my name.

"Saeran~"

I turned slowly, afraid to find out what that mischievous voice was planning, opening my mouth to ask when suddenly something was flicked into my face, and I froze, my eyes closing in surprise. I brought my hands to my eyes, wiping the substance away, looking at my hands, aghast. Yoosung burst into laughter as I stared at the flour on my fingers, almost falling to the floor from giggling.

"... Why did you do that?"

"B-Because I thought it would be funny?"

My hands fell to my sides, my eyes glowering down at the ground by my feet. I reached over to the counter, gripping an egg in my hand, a dark smirk on my lips.

"Oh, it was funny?"

His eyes were closed, unable to see me move as I knelt before him, my gaze burning down at him.

"Ye-yeah, it was-" he opened his eyes, surprise running on to his features, but he had no time to react before I slammed the egg down onto his head, cracking it. His eyes were wide as the yolk dribbled down over his hair, dripping onto his forehead and nose. A shocked laugh fell from his lips before he grinned, pushing me back, throwing sugar at me this time. I retaliated, throwing a handful of flour at his head, laughing as it stuck to the egg all over his hair, and soon it was an all out war- baking soda and flour and sugar being tossed about haphazardly, our bodies covered in it, the room erupting in giggles.

He came near me, seemingly to drop flour on my head, but I grabbed him by the waist, spinning him around and lifting him up so he was sitting on the counter, and he squeaked in surprise. I pulled at his apron, crashing his lips on to mine, and I could hear the flour in his hand flutter down to the counter, his hands flying up into my hair, tongue dancing against my own. I wrapped my arms around his hips, pressing him against my stomach, and he whimpered, wrapping his legs around my waist, deepening the kiss, biting at my lip.

"Well," I jumped back in surprise as Saeyoung spoke, my face bright red, "It's almost like you forget you aren't the only one who lives here."

My mouth opened and closed a couple times, unable to find words, so I opted to dust off my apron- a stupid attempt really, considering I was covered head-to-toe in various powdered ingredients.

"Since when have you become so _lewd,_ Yoosung?" He trailed his fingers in little steps up Yoosung's arm, and Yoosung blushed, covering his face with his hands. I growled, grabbing Yoosungs wrist, pulling him down from the counter, standing between him and my brother.

"Dammit, Saeyoung, I will kiss my boyfriend when I want, wherever I want, _thank you very much._ "

"Sae-"

I cut Yoosung off, pulling his body back against mine, one hand gripping his hip, the other sliding into his hair, tilting him back slightly so I was holding him up, a muffled noise of surprise vibrating against my mouth. I felt his body relax, wrapping his arms back around my neck, returning my ministrations.

Saeyoung whistled slowly, laughing.

"Awe, my brother's growing up~!"

Without breaking the kiss or opening my eyes, I moved my hand that was in Yoosungs hair so that it was my forearm supporting his neck, freeing my hand, with which I promptly gave my brother the finger.

* * *

As foreshadowed in earlier chapters, Saeran promised to show Yoosung how to bake~ Thought we all know he didn't learn much, except that maybe Saeran likes making a mess of Yoosung.

Hohohoh~

~Pixil-8


	25. Lose Control

Hey everyone! I hope everyone's doing well and eating their meals on time ~~

I do not own MM!

* * *

I followed Yoosung through the courtyard, walking up and down through the winding isle of display tables, all of which were covered with various items. There was a promotional event going on at his school, to which he invited me to accompany him. I didn't have much interest in any of the items up for sale, so I simply followed him, his hand laced in my own, guiding me around, to which I had no qualms.

"Yoosung," I froze for a moment, looking around, unable to see what I was looking for, "Where are the bathrooms..?"

Yoosung let go of my hand, pointing at the door to the school not far from where we were standing.

"Just go inside that door and to the left- they'll be on your left-hand side!"

I nodded, squeezing his shoulder for a second before I turned, heading towards the doors. I pushed them open gently, the empty hallway slightly eerie. I turned, keeping my eyes to the left as instructed, and sure enough, came upon the bathrooms. I stepped inside, turning on the cold water and running my hands under it, closing my eyes gently. Although I felt more grounded in public when I was with Yoosung, I still felt wisps of anxiety pulling at my heart, threatening to bring me out of my temporary stability. The presence of lots of people in one consecutive area was always a trigger for me- I wondered if I would ever be able to feel comfortable in a room full of people.

I splashed some of the water on my face, turning off the tap, grabbing a piece of paper towel from the dispenser, dabbing my face with it, drying off my hands in the process. I crumpled it up, tossing it into the trash on my way out, making my way back to Yoosung. I opened the doors, looking around for him, frowning when he was no longer in the spot I had left him in. My eyes scanned the area, unable to find him, panic rising in my stomach, walking quickly through the isles, desperately searching for him.

"Did you see those guys push him over there? Do you think we should do something?"

"No way, those guys are scary!"

I froze, my head turning in the direction of two girls, speaking in hurried whispers. I approached them, my eyes dark, and they shivered under my gaze.

"Who are you talking about?"

One of the girls visibly swallowed, her eyes wide as she stared back at me. She pointed in the direction of the alley next to the school, her hand shaking gently.

"Y... Yoosung Kim. Some guys took him over there."

I bolted in the aforementioned direction, my heart pounding in my chest. I turned the corner sharply, my shoes skidding on the pavement, my breathing heavy as I stared at the scene before me.

There were three guys surrounding Yoosung, who was curled up on his knees on the ground, holding his elbow in his hand, blooding trickling down from under his palm, looking up at them in fear. They all turned to me, relief washing over Yoosung's face as he saw me. I stepped towards them, my insides burning, the fire consuming me- I clenched my jaw, my fists opening and closing as the darkness grew stronger, my rage fuelling me.

"What do you think you're doing."

It wasn't a question- it was a demand. They laughed at my words, rolling their eyes as they approached me.

"We just wanted to teach this little faggot a lesson- ain't you his boyfriend? Should we take care of you next?"

The flames grew stronger, hotter, burning my entire body- I felt like I would erupt at any moment, my veins pulsing inside me- it took everything in my power not to attack them immediately. A dark smirk came onto my lips as I narrowed my eyes at them, cracking my knuckles individually- I tilted my head to the side in a nonchalant way, amused as they grew even more pissed off.

"I don't think it's wise to underestimate me."

One of them ran towards me, and I folded backwards, my palms on the ground, my legs springing up high, kicking him square in the jaw with all the force I had. He stumbled back, blood dripping from his mouth, and I twisted my body, landing on my feet gracefully. They stared at me in shock as I wiped the blood off of the sole of my shoe onto the pavement. I cracked my neck, glaring at them beneath the line of my bangs.

"I _said-_ I don't think it's wise to underestimate me."

The two who were uninjured looked at each other apprehensively, but only for a moment, before they came running at me, surely thinking that numbers would assist them in their cause. I didn't move as one of them grabbed my arms, and the other stood before me, smirking as though he had won.

"Not gonna fight back now, are you?"

I smiled up at him, blinking slowly.

"Why would you think that?"

I shot my foot back, giving my body leverage, rolling my shoulders up, effectively throwing the man holding my arms over my back, slamming him into the other, both of them slamming hard into the ground. It took them a couple seconds to collect themselves, propping their bodies up on their elbows. I kicked their arms out from beneath them, forcing them back down to the ground, glaring hard at them both, shooting a look at the one who was holding his now-bruised jaw.

"Unless you want me to really get mad, I suggest you leave him alone. If you don't, I will find you, and I will make you pay," I grinned at them, my malice possessing me like a demon as my voice dropped down, husky and menacing, "You'd be amazed at the things I could do to you."

They shivered beneath my gaze, boring down at them. I spat at them, turning on my heel, coming face-to-face with Yoosung, who looked at me with a mixture of anger, concern, and admiration. He grabbed my wrist with his uninjured arm, dragging me behind him. He said nothing as he hailed a taxi, getting us both inside, staring out the window the entire ride to his apartment. He paid the driver, grabbing my wrist once again, dragging me into the building, up the stairs, ripping open the apartment door, shoving me inside, promptly slamming the door behind him.

He turned around, shoving me hard in the chest, glaring up at me.

"You- You idiot! You shouldn't have done that! What if someone had seen you? What if you got hurt?!" He continued to push me in the chest, his face distorted in his frustration. I made no move to stop him, watching as he bombarded my chest with his fists, his actions quelling the rage inside me with every hit.

"... They hurt you. I couldn't let that go."

He stopped hitting me for a moment, looking at his bloodied elbow, which was still dripping, the skin there torn open- probably from being dragged against the wall. I almost felt darkness running within me once more, but it was stopped as Yoosung suddenly grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, slamming my lips against his.

"You're dumb," He kissed me again, "And reckless," Another hurried kiss, "And ridiculous," And again, biting hard at my lip this time, causing me to moan softly until he pulled back, his eyes swirling at me with a look I had never seen inside them, "And I adore it."

My instincts took over, my body reaching down, grabbing him by the legs, lifting him up so our hips were level, slamming his back hard against the wall. He whimpered, wrapping his legs around my waist, pulling my body against his, gripping my hair as he brought his mouth down onto mine, ravishing it with his tongue. I squeezed his hips, my hands adventuring over his ass, and he bucked his hips forwards in response, rubbing his crotch against my own- and now a different kind of flame was fanning inside me.

I growled against his lips, pulling my mouth away, biting at his neck hard, his hands pulling my hair in pleasure. I couldn't hold back, my hips grinding upwards, rubbing my arousal against his own, a moan forming low in my throat as I felt he was completely hard against me. I picked up my pace, this new sensation almost making me drunk with need, my body moving completely of it's own accord.

I sucked hard at his neck, my teeth sinking into the skin, and he cried out, at which my eyes popped open, snapping me back to reality. I pulled back, setting him down on the ground, turning around and facing the opposite wall, leaning against it. I could hear his laboured breathing from behind me, and I shook my head, trying to collect myself.

"Sae-Saeran..?"

I gazed at him over my shoulder, his face flushed, his hair a mess, shoulders moving up and down in steady rhythm. I shook my head, running my hands through my hair.

"I.. I'm sorry. I lost control."

He smiled at me through his heavy breaths, placing a hand on my side gently, rubbing my waist.

"Saeran, if you couldn't tell, I kinda liked it."

I closed my eyes tightly, letting out a heavy breath through my nose. I turned to him, smiling weakly, avoiding trailing my gaze over the hickey I had left on him, plain as day on the curve of his neck.

"I just... Don't want to go too far."

He trailed his hands down my arms, his eyes half lidded as he smiled at me.

"What if.. I told you that you wouldn't?"

I regarded him, biting my lip gently, fighting myself inside my own head- God, I wanted him- I always wanted him. But now- now was not the time. I shook my head slowly, squeezing his hands in my own.

"... I can't right now.. I can't."

He nodded at me, his hands firmly gripping my own in a form of reassurance. He nuzzled his nose against mine, and I sighed, my body relaxing at the sweet gesture.

"Okay. I'll wait." He grinned at me, placing a soft kiss on my lips, at which I gently returned, running my thumb over his soft knuckles. He pulled away, his forehead leaning against my own. "We have as long as we want."

* * *

I don't know if Saeran ever learned how to fight, but just going by the fact that he would probably lose his shit if someone hurt Yoosung, in my fanfiction, he can. Fight me.

Just kidding plz dont i dont liek fighting LOL

~Pixil-8


	26. Happy Birthday

Hi guys! I don't know how many people already read the last chapter, but I just replaced it with the edited version. I was very sleepy when I typed it so there was a lot of minor mess-ups ;0; but they're fixed now! I also edited a problem that was in chapter 23, because there were some grammar mistakes. Probably not super noticeable- I typed "my" instead of "me" in one spot- but oh well. :3

I do not own MM!

* * *

I typed in the passcode to the security system, opening the door once it granted me access, stepping over the threshold and into the house. I ran my hand over the wall, trying to locate the light switch, finally finding it, flicking it on.

"SURPRISE!"

I fell backwards against the door in my shock at the sudden noise, my eyes wide as I looked over the members of the RFA. Yoosung stepped towards me, a bright smile on his face, snapping a party hat onto my head. He helped me up from the ground, and I continued to stare at everyone in confusion.

"What are you all doing?"

"I planned a surprise party for you and Saeyoung for your birthday!"

Saeyoung lifted his hand, laughing gently.

"He mostly did it for you though."

Yoosung blushed, rubbing his neck sheepishly as he turned back to me. I smiled, warmth tickling my cheeks as he slid his hand into mine, dragging me into the living room. He pointed proudly at the cake he made, exclaiming animatedly how he had been practicing in secret so that he could make the best cake ever.

I laughed softly, happily taking a piece, blushing as he watched me eat it with shining eyes. Everyone was having fun and enjoying themselves, even though it was a drastic change to the last birthday party that happened in the RFA. There was no liquor at this one- a fact I was quite okay with.

As embarrassed as I was at being put on a pedestal by everyone in the RFA, even if it was only for my birthday, I found myself having fun. I flushed bright red as Saeyoung dragged me up next to him, standing side by side on the coffee table, giving some ridiculous speech about the bond of 'twinhood'.

"My one and only brother, my other half, a piece of myself- a bond like ours can take us to the ends of the Earth!"

"You make me want to end the Earth."

Everyone laughed at my snappy comment, Saeyoung pouting at me, complaining that I never go along with his jokes. I rolled my eyes, but my smile betrayed me- I really was enjoying myself in this moment.

I sighed heavily minutes later, as while Jade went off to the bathroom, he shoved his sweater and glasses on to me, stripping my argyle sweater from me, pulling it onto himself, giggling about how he was going to trick Jade.

"...You know our eyes aren't the same colour, right?"

He froze, nodding as he recalled this fact.

"Oh yeah... Well, shit. Gimme back my sweater, I feel naked."

I threw the sweater at him, shoving his glasses back on his head, happy to slide my preferred shirt back on, smoothing out the wrinkles over my stomach. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I shifted my gaze to the side, smiling automatically as I saw Yoosung next to me.

"Saeran, can I talk to you alone?"

I nodded as he took my hand, leading me to my bedroom. He shut the door behind us, pulling me over to the bed, sitting down on the covers. He was holding a bag in his hands, his blush visible on the tips of his ears, his smile shy and nervous.

"I wanted to give you your gift in private."

I raised my eyebrows at him, blinking slowly.

"You got me a gift? But you planned the party.."

"That's not a gift!" He blushed harder as he spoke up, placing the bag in front of me, his gaze focused on his lap, "I have a real gift for you."

I opened the bag gently, reaching inside, pulling out a box. I opened the top, carefully pulling out the styrofoam that was protecting whatever was inside- I opened it up, gasping as I stared at the gift.

It was a customized figurine of my LOLOL character- matching the exact armour it was wearing now, same weapons wielded, hair and eyes the same- an exact replica. I ran my fingers over it gently, my heart swelling at this thoughtful gift. I looked up at Yoosung, and he was holding up a picture on his phone- a similar replica, except this one was of his own LOLOL character.

"I got one made for myself too so that we would have a pair, together."

My cheeks were hot, probably as pink as could be. I looked back down at the figurine in my hands, in complete disbelief that I was deserving of something that meant so much to him.

"...I love it."

"You do?! I was so worried you wouldn't like it!"

I placed the figurine on my bedside table, moving the remnants of the packaging aside, lacing my fingers into Yoosung's own, smiling up at him gently.

"I'd love anything you give me. You could have painted a rock and I would keep it forever."

Yoosung giggled, shaking his head, his thumb tracing along my fingers gently. He tilted his head to the side, letting out a contented sigh as he gave my hands a gentle squeeze.

"I... I'm really happy with you, Saeran."

"You.. Are?" I spoke slowly, my eyes searching his face as he stared back at me. He nodded, bringing my hands to his lips, kissing them softly.

"Yeah. Really happy. I'm happy every day because of you."

I felt my entire body grow warm, a smile finding its way onto my lips. I removed one of my hands from his grasp, tucking some of his hair behind his ear, trailing my fingers along the curve of his jaw, resting my hand on his neck gently, bringing my face close to his, so my lips were centimetres away from his own.

"..Me too."

He tilted his chin, pressing his lips against mine, placing his hands on my chest softly, and I smiled internally as I realized he was drawing hearts with his finger tips against my skin. I sighed against his lips, drowning in the sensation of his gentle touches, his soft sighs, his tender gaze. I ran my hand through his silky hair, feeling like I would overflow with happiness at any moment because of this amazing man in my embrace.

 _Happy birthday to me._

* * *

Awe birthday Saeran!

And Saeyoung . but this story isn't about him~

Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

~Pixil-8


	27. The Sky

Hello! I hope you guys aren't sick of me yet ~ We're so close to 30 chapters ;0; I haven't written a story this long in a while. Feels nice~~

I do not own MM!

* * *

I smiled as I read my book, my back propped against a tree. The breeze caused my hair to tickle my cheeks, but I couldn't help but enjoy the sensation. My free hand was running slowly through Yoosung's hair, whose head was laid in my lap, his eyes staring up at the sky. We had sat like this for hours, just relaxing in the park, wallowing in the shade of this tree.

"Saeran?"

I closed my book, looking down at him, locking my gaze on his purple orbs, blinking up at me slowly.

"Did I ever tell you how much I used to hate the sky?"

I shook my head, continuing to massage Yoosung's scalp, raking my fingers gently through his blonde locks.

"No. Why did you?"

He broke my gaze, continuing to look back at the sky, bringing one of his hands up, the backs of his knuckles brushing my knee.

"When I thought Rika had died... I felt so scared and unsure anytime I looked up at it. Like I was lost, and I couldn't find my way. Rika used to always talk about the sky, and loved it- so after she left- well, when I thought she did- It was so hard to look at it without feeling uneasy."

I hummed low in my throat, rubbing my thumb just below his ear, and his eyes fluttered closed for a moment, nuzzling into my touch.

"I had strong feelings about the sky too, but in a very different way."

He brought his hand up to meet my wrist, stroking the skin of my arm tenderly, smiling up at me.

"Tell me about it."

I smiled down at him, his gaze intently focusing on me. I looked up at the sky this time, the clouds rolling lazily across the blue expanse.

"When we were younger, and our mother would leave for long periods of time, Saeyoung would help me sneak outside with him. Not to do anything bad- just little things, like take me for ice cream. I remember one day in specific, he was carrying me on his back, and I was staring at the sky- the blue above us was so clear, the clouds moving gently along. I asked Saeyoung if the clouds changed every day- he just said they all looked the same to him, so he never noticed- but I did. I felt happy watching the clouds change and grow every day."

I smiled back down at Yoosung, his eyes staring at me, fondness lying in their depths as I spoke.

"The sky always made me feel hopeful. Even when hope felt like a pipe dream. I lost that hope for a while- a long while... But," I leaned down, placing a tender kiss on Yoosung's nose, and he giggled softly, his cheeks tinted pink, "Here you are- with me. You're my hope." My voice was a whisper, my eyes refusing to look away from his own, a thrill running through me as he gave me a loving smile, his cheeks becoming an even deeper blush.

"Saeran... Maybe someday I can look at the sky with that kind of hope, too."

I laced my fingers into his, squeezing gently, my smile never leaving my face.

"We can find it together."

* * *

Eeee ;0; cute tender sunshine Yooran aw aw.

I just wanna write about these two forever ;0;

~Pixil-8


	28. Invitation

Hello! I hope everyone has been doing well :3 I've started getting sick ;0; It's like a throat cold... I'm not impressed. I have some recording to do with friends later this weekend, so it's really shitty timing. Sigh- here's hoping I can ward it off with lots and lots of tea!

I do not own MM!

* * *

It was quiet- too quiet, really. Saeyoung, Jade, and I were sat on the couch, eating our Chinese take-out in silence- the only sounds were of our utensils hitting the sides of the containers. I felt uneasy due to the stillness in the air- I was just waiting for Saeyoung to do or say something stupid. It wasn't like him to stay this still for so long.

Suddenly in my peripherals, I saw him lean in close to me, his mouth dangerously close to my ear. I ignored him, lifting my drink to my mouth, taking a swig from it.

"So... How far have you and Yoosung gone?"

I choked on the drink, spitting it out, coughing wildly, hitting my chest in an attempt to dislodge the liquid blocking my windpipe. Saeyoung began to pat my back, trying to help, but I angrily swatted him away, barely hearing Jade sigh in the corner.

"Saeyoung, don't tease him! You're gonna kill your brother."

Saeyoung shrugged innocently, blinking at her.

"What? I'm just curious!"

I glared at him, tempted to kick him- instead, I dabbed at the stains of cola on my shirt instead.

"You'd better hope this doesn't stain..." I shot him a look, and he was still staring at me expectantly. My cheeks flushed bright pink, and I crossed my arms over my chest, bringing my legs up, effectively curling up in to a ball in the corner.

".. We've only made out."

He raised an eyebrow at me, seeing through my lie.

"You're my twin, I can tell when you're lying."

I pushed him away with my foot, glaring at him more, hiding my face in my hands.

"God, fine... We also have ground our hips together a bit- but that's it. Nothing else."

"Oh, oh, ohhhh?" He wiggled his eyebrows at me, and I promptly buried my face in my arms, hiding the warmth that was burning my cheeks. "You look disappointed, though."

"I'm not," I lifted my head a bit, Saeyoung's gaze still on me, a small smirk on his lips, and I sighed softly, "... Kinda."

"What's the problem?" He leaned back, chugging a can of P.h.D Pepper. I ran a hand through my hair, closing my eyes and shaking my head slowly.

"I don't... I don't want to lose control."

Jade popped her head out from the other end of the couch so I could see her, holding a finger up matter-of-factly.

"That's not always a bad thing!"

Saeyoung smirked back at her and I grimaced, recoiling into myself even more.

"Okay, for one? Ew. But, two- I want to make my first... First time with him in that way, special... He's important to me." I blushed harder, and Saeyoung patted my knee comfortingly, smiling down at me.

"I know he is- but, you know- Jade and I are going on a business trip in a month. You'd have the house to yourself for over a week," He grinned at me, and I could see Jade smiling at me as well, "Why don't you invite Yoosung to come stay with you while we're gone? Magic just might happen~" He poked me in the sides, and I fought back the laughter that tried to break from my mouth- ever since we were kids, he knew that I was extremely ticklish. He was, too, but I never felt the need to try to get him back at it. I pushed him away instead, holding him a decent length away with my foot.

I looked at my hands, my blush still making its way across my face. I let out a sigh, waving softly at the two of them to let them know I was leaving and wanted to be alone. I went to my bedroom, shutting the door behind me, and pulled my phone out of my pocket, staring at it apprehensively. I sucked in a deep breath, working up my courage, and dialled Yoosung's number.

"Hello?"

"Y-Yoosung."

"Oh, hi Saeran! How are you!"

I rubbed my neck, trying to keep my voice from stuttering too much.

"Um, I'm good... I was uh, I was wondering- Saeyoung and Jade are leaving in a month for a business trip. It'll last like a week or so.. I was wondering if you'd want to stay with me that week..?"

"Oh, sure! That sounds like fun! I actually have a break from classes at that time so that's perfect timing!"

"G-Great. I'll talk to you... Later, then."

"Okay," he giggled into the phone, and I closed my eyes, revelling in the sweet sound, "Goodnight Saeran."

"... Goodnight, Yoosung."

* * *

OOOOOOO hohohoh Saeran and Yoosung alone for a week ;3

We will see what happens~~

~Pixil-8


	29. I Love You Part 1

Hello! I've received some messages and reviews for this story and I'm so pleased that people are liking it 3 I'm putting a lot of effort into it, because I really love Saeran x Yoosung, and so i'm trying my best to portray how I feel their relationship would/might go (: I'm so glad you guys like it too!

I do not own MM!

* * *

I paced back and forth in my room, picking at my nails nervously. Saeyoung and Jade left early this morning to catch their flight- but not until Saeyoung had tried to give me _'the talk'_ and Jade had to drag him away from me while I curled up on the floor, red as a tomato.

I ran my hands through my hair, letting out deep, slow breaths- my stomach felt like it was doing backflips, and my heart was pounding. There really was no need to be this nervous- is what I tried to tell myself, anyways. Yoosung would be here any minute to stay for the week- this would be the first time we've ever stayed overnight together, let alone for a _week,_ and with the things I was thinking about bringing up- God, I'm a wreck.

I curled up on the floor for a moment, resting my forehead in my palms closing my eyes. I could feel my anxiety about to cause my body to hyperventilate- I gave my hair a soft tug, and it pulled me away from the chaos for a moment, enough to regulate my breathing, and soon I could feel the pounding in my chest slowly begin to go down. I sat up, letting out another sigh, rubbing my temples.

Everything would be fine. Everything would be okay.

I jumped as I heard my phone go off, pulling it out of my pocket, scrambling to my feet as Yoosung's text highlighted on my screen.

 _"I'm outside!"_

And my heart was pounding again.

I ran to the door, swinging it open forcefully, and I could see Yoosung jump a bit in surprise. He smiled at me, his hand rested on his chest at the shock.

"Jeez, you scared me!"

"S-Sorry." I stepped aside, closing the door behind him as he came inside. He had a backpack on, and was carrying another one in his hand, which I gently took from him. He smiled at the gesture, and I set it on the floor just inside my room. It was fairly heavy, I noticed, and I turned to him, an eyebrow raised in question.

"What's in here..?"

Yoosung smiled brightly, his hands clasped together in front of his chest.

"Well, there's a LOLOL event today, and I thought we could play it together! So I brought my computer!"

I stared at him for a moment, unable to hide the smile on my face as I broke into a small fit of laughter. He blushed as I laughed, looking around in confusion. I shook my head, calming myself down, pulling him into a hug, holding him tightly against my chest.

"You're adorable."

He placed his arms on my back, nuzzling into my shoulder. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, his scent overtaking me.

"You're cute too, Saeran."

I smiled, pulling out of the hug, brushing some hair out of his eyes.

"I'll go grab an extra desk so you can set your computer up next to mine."

He grinned, quickly propping himself up on his toes so he could kiss my nose, running off to open his bag, taking out his computer. I blushed as I walked out of the room in search of a desk or a table. Soon enough, I found one, and we had his computer up and running alongside my own. We sat down in our chairs, waiting for the game to load. I turned as I felt him squeeze my hand, blushing as I saw he had gotten up, his face extremely close to mine. With his free hand, he cupped my jaw, leaning in and kissing me softly. I closed my eyes, returning the gesture, sighing against his lips, warmth flowing throughout my chest. He pulled away and gave me a tender kiss on the forehead, before sitting back down at his own chair, grinning at me brightly.

I smiled back, putting on my headphones and signing into the game.

"You ready?"

"Oh, I'm always ready!"

I laughed, shaking my head as the game came on before us, and we began to head out as a team.

* * *

A few hours later, we finished the event, winning by a large margin. Yoosung was whooping in celebration, and I couldn't help but smile at his antics. I turned off my computer, getting up out of the chair, walking out of the room and towards the kitchen. He followed me shortly after, peeking his head inside curiously.

"What're you doing?"

"I'm going to cook."

Yoosung's eyes lit up, his beaming smile back once again.

"You can cook, too?!"

I smiled at him, one eyebrow raised.

"You've had my baking before."

"This is different though! I'm excited to taste it. Can I watch?"

I shrugged, and he sat down at the table, watching me work around the kitchen. I felt a strange combination of nerves and contentment, knowing he was watching me as I worked. I felt a blush rise on my cheeks as I remembered what I wanted to talk to him about later- How would I even bring that up? How would he react? Is it too soon?

"Saeran, that smells really good!"

I snapped out of my thoughts, giving him a small smile over my shoulder, continuing to focus on the task before me.

Everything else could wait.

Soon enough, I finished cooking, setting a plateful of hot food before Yoosung, who stared at it starry-eyed, excitement written on his features. I sat down next to him, and he beamed at me.

"Can I try it?!"

"Of course. That's what it's for." I laughed softly under my breath as he took a big bite, bringing his hands to his cheeks in delight.

"Saeran, oh my _god~"_

I blushed, staring at my own plate- well, that sounded familiar.

"So... I take that as it's edible?"

I turned, not needing a response to that question as Yoosung was stuffing his face as quickly as he could. I laughed a bit, shaking my head, taking a bite of my own.

"Don't choke, okay?"

I got a small noise of reassurance, and I smiled to myself, continuing to eat. It didn't take long for Yoosung to finish his, at which he cleared his plates, washing them and putting them on the dish rack, returning to his perch next to me, propping his head up on his palm, smiling at me as he watched me finish. I felt heat creep along my ears and neck as he did so, feeling extremely self conscious.

"...Why are you looking at me?"

He smiled wider as I said this, shaking his head slowly.

"I just keep learning new things about you," He reached over, stroking his thumb gently over my hand, his violet eyes sparkling at me, "It makes me happy."

My blush spread all over my face, and I looked back to my food, opting to finish eating it instead of replying. Yoosung said nothing about this, but just continued to smile and watch me until I was done. I brought my dishes to the sink, washing them promptly before turning back to Yoosung, fidgeting with my fingers before me as he stared at me.

"So, what should we do now?" He tilted his head as he spoke, causing his hair to flutter over his eyes cutely, and I felt my heart jump at the sight. I walked by him, heading out into the hall and to my room, grabbing some extra blankets. I turned to head out of the room, and saw Yoosung staring at me curiously. I smiled softly, handing one of the blankets to him.

"Come with me. I want to show you something."

I lead him to the emergency ladder of the bunker, which lead to the roof of the building. Saeyoung had this installed for security purposes, but I liked going up here to watch the stars. We crawled up the ladder, making our way out onto the roof- I went to wrap my blanket around myself, but Yoosung ripped it from my hands, placing it on the ground, plopping himself onto it, holding his blanket open for me to sit next to him in. I blushed a bit, placing myself next to him, blushing harder as he wrapped the blanket around us both, laying his legs over my own. I wrapped my arms around his waist, and he nuzzled his face into my neck, sighing softly.

He turned his head, gazing back up at the sky- it was clear tonight, so much so that the sky was absolutely twinkling with light- and while Yoosung was mesmerized by the stars in the sky, I couldn't help but be mesmerized by him, sitting before me, in my arms. I smiled as he began to excitedly point out the constellations to me, explaining he had been scouted by the Astrology club at one time.

"Oooh, there's Pisces! That's my star sign," He beamed at me quickly before returning his eyes, scanning for something. I looked up as well, curious as to what it could possibly be, when he suddenly pointed proudly, "There! That's Gemini- that's your sign, right?"

I looked over at the constellation in question, smiling softly, giving a small nod. He snuggled closer to me as he began to explain the stars that made up those constellations, and I just watched him, my heart swelling with joy as I hung on to his every word, the sound of his voice lilting into my ears like a melody I could never get sick of listening to. I felt a strange impulse boiling up inside me, filling me from my head to my toes, covering every inch of my body- something I couldn't resist, something I didn't want to resist.

Yoosung paused, noticing my tranced state, tilting his head at me.

"Saeran..?"

I lifted my hand, touching his cheek like it were porcelain and would break if I handled it any rougher than this, my thumb stroking just below his eye in slow circles. I stared deep into his eyes, unable to look away, not wanting to look away, as my body and mind lost itself within their depths.

"...I love you."

Yoosung's face turned bright pink, his hands covering his mouth, eyes wide as he looked up at me.

"S-Saeran..!"

I brushed some hair out of his face, cupping his face with both hands, pressing forward, my feelings flowing over me like a waterfall, unable to hold back any more.

"I adore everything about you. You're the purest person I know... I'll never be able to think of that word without associating you to it- just like I can't look at the sun anymore without seeing you there before me." My eyes were watering, and so were his, in joy, or sadness, I didn't know, but I couldn't stop this flood coming from within me- the dam had broken, and there was no stemming this flow until it had all come out.

"You've... You've created this space inside me, that blocks everything else out. All my madness inside, you shut it all down- and it makes me feel whole. You make me feel whole. When I think of you, I feel like I can really find happiness in my future, and in myself, so..." I wiped the tears falling from his eyes with my thumbs, shaking my head slowly, unable to stop the smile falling upon my lips, "I love you."

His lip was quivering, his hands shaking slightly before him, his eyes wide still, staring directly into my eyes. I leaned forwards, pressing my forehead to his, desperate to be close, desperate to be near him.

" _I love you."_ My voice was barely a whisper, breaking halfway as I spoke, and Yoosung let out a choked sob as I said this, covering his face with his hands. Suddenly heat rose to my cheeks as I completely registered what I just said in it's entirety, and my anxiety peaked, causing me to recoil.

"Uh- I mean- Well-"

Yoosung cut me off, kissing me hard on the lips, and I jumped a bit in surprise, shivering slightly at the taste of his salty tears in my mouth as his tongue ran over mine. He pulled away slightly, shaking his head vigorously, wiping his face hastily on his sleeve.

"S-Saeran... I... I love you too..! Oh, Saeran... I feel the s-same.." He hiccuped through his tears, pressing his palms to his eyes, trying to calm down so he could speak. "You... You might think you're broken, and... And you always seem to think you're not good enough," He moved his hands, looking me directly in the eye, a serious but enamoured expression lying behind his eyes, "But you're perfect. To me- _for_ me- you're perfect. You make me feel warm inside, and like I can take on anything- You make me feel strong."

He wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me closer to him, pressing his face into my shoulder as he continued.

"I get tingles all over when you even look at me... You may seem cold to others, but I could tell it was because you didn't know how to approach people, and.. I'm so glad I followed you that day," He leaned back again, smiling as he slid his hands into my hair, tears falling down his face again, "Because it was the start of the best day of my life."

Tears welled up in my eyes, part of me in complete disbelief that I was the person Yoosung was talking about. I didn't think I deserved these kinds of words, these kinds of feelings from another human- but regardless of if I deserved them, I couldn't stop the warmth and happiness I felt at hearing them from the person I loved. Yoosung leaned in, kissing way the tears falling down my cheeks, and I closed my eyes, focusing on the touch of his lips on my skin, tingles ricocheting through me.

"I love you too, Saeran. I'm yours."

I pulled him into a hug, holding him tightly against me, afraid to let him go, and needing him as close as possible. I nuzzled my face into his hair, his fingers raking through mine. I let out a shaky sigh, working up my courage while I still had some left.

"Yoosung...?"

"Yes, Saeran?"

"... Can I talk to you about something?"

 _To be continued..._

* * *

Okay OKAY DON'T HATE ME OKAY THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN WAY TO LONG TO MAKE ONE CHAPTER SO ITS A PART ONE PART TWO DEALIO OKAY

DON'T STAB ME

IT'LL BE UP SOON

ILY

~Pixil-8


	30. I Love You Part 2

Hii! I'm starting this immediately after I just posted the last one cause I don't wanna keep anybody waiting for part 2 ~~ And I also hate cliffhangers LOL

*AHEM* This chapter contains NSFW content, please be warned~~~

I do not own MM!

* * *

"Can I talk to you about something?"

"Yes, what is it?"

I rubbed my neck nervously, looking away from his gaze, my previous confidence blowing away with the breeze that swirled around us.

"Well, I... I feel like we are getting really close, and... We've been together for awhile now, and, I- Um, if you were uh... Okay with it... If- Mmph!" I was cut off once again by Yoosung kissing me, but this time, although it was loving, this kiss was filled with something more- with passion. I shivered as he bit my lip, rolling it between his teeth, pulling back ever-so-slightly, staring at me through half-lidded eyes, a shy smile on his lips.

"I want you to be my first." His voice was barely a whisper, but it was warm, and holding a tone I had never heard him use before. I blushed harder, and he smirked at me, trailing is fingers along my neck.

"yeah, I know what that actually means now."

"Where did you find out?"

"Well, we've been spending a lot of our time together, and I decided it would be smart to not be so oblivious, so I asked Zen to lend me some of his magazines so I could... Figure stuff out." He blushed as he said this, looking up at me shyly through his lashes. I found myself momentarily questioning what kind of magazines Zen keeps, but I pushed that thought aside- it was better off I didn't know.

I ran my hands up along Yoosung's arms, landing on his jaw, tenderly rubbing just below his jawline, staring into his eyes softly.

"Are you... Really okay with this..?"

Yoosung slid his hands up over my own, squeezing them softly, nodding in response.

"I'm always okay with you. Just... Pardon my inexperience."

I raised an eyebrow at him slowly, smiling a bit.

"You say that like I have experience."

"You don't?!"

I laughed a bit at his surprise, shaking my head slowly.

"No. I had kissed people before, but.. Nothing beyond that. I was part of a religious cult and was paranoid of everyone."

He giggled a bit, nodding slowly, "Okay, yeah, that's true..."

I ran my hand through his hair gently, smiling as his eyes fluttered closed at my touch.

"But you... I feel so enamoured with you." I bit my lip gently, feeling the storm of my emotions overflowing all over again. "I didn't think I was capable of such feelings. I didn't think I would be deserving of someone's touch, especially someone as incredible as you," I let out a soft laugh, shaking my head, "But... Here you are. Some days I still can't quite believe it."

I laced my fingers into his, kissing his knuckles softly.

"I want to do everything in my power to keep you. I will keep winning your heart every day so you never stop loving me- I'll do anything for you."

His eyes were shining, his face bright pink as he looked at me.

"S-Saeran..."

I looked into his eyes, one of my hands resting on his chest, above his heart.

"Yoosung, I love you."

A tear fell from his eyes again as he beamed at me, pulling my chest flat against his own.

"I love you so much-!" He crashed his lips onto mine, his breaths ragged as he cried, his tongue sliding over my lip gently, desperate to connect. I opened my mouth, moaning softly as he slid his tongue over mine, the taste of him enough to make me feel drunk. The kiss continued for a few minutes, soft moans and warm breath the only sensations surrounding us outside of the cool chill of the night air. I pulled away, leaning my forehead against his, looking into his eyes, my breathing heavy.

"...Let's go inside."

We gathered the blankets, climbing back down the security ladder. He got down before me, and tried to gather the blankets, but I stopped him, scooping him up in my arms, causing him to squeak in surprise. He blushed as I carried him to the bedroom, closing the door behind me with my foot, laying him down on the bed. I crawled over him, looking down into his gorgeous eyes, stroking some of his hair away from them.

He smiled up at me, pulling me down to him by my shoulders, attaching our lips once again. I bit his lip softly, smiling a bit as he whimpered in response. My body was growing warmer by the second as the kiss continued- more passionate, more tongue, more need. Suddenly he placed his hands on my chest, pushing me over, flipping us so that he was on top of me. He blushed as he sat upright, slowly pulling the zipper of his sweater down. I smiled, sitting up a bit, pushing it off of his shoulders, allowing it to fall off of his arms, tossing it to the side.

I trailed my hands down his chest slowly, playing with the hem of his shirt, and his blush deepened, his eyes looking at me with a mixture of nerves and excitement. I slid my fingers under his shirt, gingerly touching the skin of his abdomen, and he visibly shivered as my cold fingers ran over his warm skin. I placed both my palms on his abdomen, staring him in the eyes as I ran my hands over his stomach, and chest, lifting his shirt higher and higher until his chest was completely exposed. He lifted his arms, and I pulled the shirt off, tossing it into the darkness of the room, unable to tear my eyes away from him.

His skin was nearly milky white, smooth as silk, and had not a hair in sight. His nipples were erect in the cold air, goosebumps rising all over his skin. He blushed under my gaze, trying to lift his arms to hide his bare chest, but I grabbed his wrists, keeping them at his sides. I pulled him down to kiss him quickly, trailing kisses down his jaw and neck, over his collarbones, slowly and tantalizingly, until I came to his nipples, gazing up at his eyes as I flicked my tongue out, running over the left one. He threw his head back, unable to hold in the loud moan that escaped his lips, his body quivering at the sensation.

I smiled to myself, sucking at his nipple now, my hands massaging his hips. His hands found my shoulders, squeezing hard, soft whimpers of my name falling from his lips, broken sighs and moans echoing in the room. I bit down on it gently and he cried out, his hands gripping hard at my hair.

" _O-Oh, Saeran..!"_

His breathing was heavy as he pushed me back, reaching hastily for the hem of my shirt, pulling hard at it. I smiled up at him, laughing softly.

"Someone's impatient."

He huffed softly, crossing his arms indignantly.

"I just want to see my boyfriend up close..."

I blushed, still smiling as I lifted my shirt up, tossing it aside. I felt self-conscious all over again as I became painfully aware of the scars all over my body, of which Yoosung seemed to be observing. He lifted his hand slowly, trailing his fingers over the scars on my chest and stomach. I watched his face carefully, waiting for any signs of disgust, or repulsion- but none came. Just a sad look of knowing- a look of pain of not being able to save me from those moments I hated myself so much that I brought harm to my own body. He ended the trail of his hands on the tattoo on my right arm, and I recoiled slightly- still ashamed of what meaning that tattoo held, and its permanence within me.

He leaned in slowly, placing soft, tender kisses all over the scars on my upper body, and I blushed softly, closing my eyes as his lips padded all over me, causing goosebumps to rise on my skin. He trailed up from my stomach, to my chest and collarbones, trailing over to my arm, hovering above my tattoo for a moment before biting down hard on it. I flinched in surprise, looking down at him as he continued to leave little bite marks all over it.

"Wh-Why did you bite there..?"

His eyes flashed up at me, and I was taken aback at the sheer possessiveness burning within them.

"Because they tried to keep you- and you're _mine now."_

I moaned as he kissed me, his aura burning me up inside in the best of ways, a flame igniting me in every corner of my body. I wrapped my arms around him, flipping us again, swiftly unbuttoning Yoosung's pants, pulling them down, tossing them aside, quickly disposing of my own. I leaned back on my knees, staring down at my lover before me- his legs were long and lean, just as smooth and soft as the rest of him. He looked like he was glowing in the dim moonlight pouring in from my window; I barely registered myself licking my lips as my eyes landed on his black boxers, of which I could see the outline of his hard-on pressing through them.

He blushed as I ran my hands slowly along his shins, massaging the curves of his knees, the muscles on his inner thigh- he was squirming beneath me, his breathing uneven and shaky as I came closer and closer to his arousal. I smiled, leaning in just above his boxers, licking the skin above the band of material. He cried out in need, his hips bucking up towards me, and I felt my body pulse as he quivered beneath me.

I ran my thumb slowly under the band, taking a deep breath before looking up at him.

"..If you want me to stop, tell me now, otherwise I don't think I can hold back."

" _Don't,"_ His eyes were swirling with need, dark and half-lidded, his lips moist with saliva as he panted heavily, " _Don't hold back."_

I pulled his boxers down, throwing them quickly to the side, rubbing circles on Yoosung's beautiful hips. I leaned in close, staring at his length with awe- it was long and slender, a perfect shade of pink at the head, and there, a bead of pre-cum was awaiting me. I flicked my tongue out to catch it, and Yoosung cried out again, squirming harder with impatience.

I wrapped my mouth around his head, sucking hard at it, revelling in Yoosung's cries of my name before finally taking him all the way in, slowly lifting again. I met his gaze as I bobbed my head along his cock, his face burning and even deeper shade of pink as he watched me take him. His lip was quivering, eyes watering with pleasure, gazing at me through his lashes. He gripped the sheets hard in his fists, beads of sweat covering his body, his lip now caught between his teeth as he fought back a moan. I pulled away from him for a moment, slowly stroking him with my hand in absence of my mouth.

"Don't hold your moans in," I squeezed the base of his cock hard and he moaned wantonly, and I smiled at him, the warmth in my abdomen beginning to fill my whole body, " _I love the sounds you make."_

"O-Oh, fuck- Saeran.. Oh..." He bucked his hips up again as I took him back in my mouth, running my tongue under the base, swirling it around the tip as I reached the head. I went faster, closing my eyes, focusing on his whimpers of my name, the quickening of his breath-

"S-Saeran, oh, oh- FUCK!" His hips jerked involuntarily, his cum flowing into my mouth in quick streams, which I happily swallowed down, moaning as I did so. I pulled away, licking the head of his cock clean before climbing over him, removing his hands from his blushing face. I kissed him softly, and the whimper he let out at tasting his cum on my tongue nearly drove me to the edge.

I pulled away, licking my lips, sighing softly, smiling down at my flustered boyfriend.

"Mm... You're delicious, you know that?" His blush deepened as I leaned in close to his ear, my breath tickling his neck, "Maybe I should taste that every morning."

"S-Saeran!" He pushed me away, forcing me onto my back, a determined look on his face, running his fingers along my hips gently, hooking his fingers in the band of my own boxers.

"It's my turn now."

I made no objection, lifting my hips to assist him as he pulled them down, removing them from my body. He blushed as my cock sprang free, staring at it with wide eyes.

"You're.. So big..."

I hid my face with one hand, a blush covering it, letting out a small sigh.

"You don't need to say it out loud..."

He nervously wrapped his hand around the base of it, stroking it slowly, and I hummed low in my throat in approval. He leaned in, lapping tentatively at my head before suckling gently at it, his violet doe eyes fixed on me. I bit my lip, breathing slowly through my nose.

"Ah... Do... Do it a bit harder.."

He complied, sucking harder, causing me to hum again, and I nodded, closing my eyes as I tilted my head back in pleasure.

"That's... Like that..."

He picked up his pace, moving his tongue around experimentally, catching on to what got me going very quickly- humming in his throat when he took me all the way in, pressing his lips hard around my centre, catching his teeth on the edge of my head, making my body twitch with need. He bobbed his head faster, pressing his tongue hard against the base of my cock, and I let out a hiss through my teeth, my head tilting to the side, my hips quivering.

I could feel the fire building inside me as he continued, going faster, and faster- I felt something snap within me, my hands reaching down, grabbing a fistful of his hair, forcing him down onto my cock as I came hard into his throat. The sound of him gagging around me as I released sent me into ecstasy, sparks popping behind my eyes. I let go when my peak fell, and he pulled back, coughing hard at the sudden force put upon him.

The high of pleasure now beginning to ebb away, guilt quickly replaced it. I sat up, gingerly reaching for his shoulder, my eyebrows creased together in concern.

"Yoosung, are you okay...? I kinda lost control... I'm sorry.."

He blushed, smiling softly up at me, rubbing his throat softly, his voice hoarse as he spoke.

"It was... Kinda hot. I just wasn't prepared.. But I wouldn't be opposed to you.. Doing that again..."

I smiled, sighing softly, pulling him towards me, wrapping my arms around his upper body gently.

"I think.. That's enough for today. I just want to hold you now."

Yoosung snuggled into my touch, his head buried into my chest, his hair tickling my jaw. He wrapped his leg around mine, and I smiled at the sensation of our bare skin pressed against each other completely. He turned his head so his ear was right above my heart, his eyes fluttering closed, a content smile on his lips.

"Your skin is so soft, Saeran... And your heartbeat is so comforting.."

He kissed my chest, right above my heart, before looking up at me with a loving gaze, his smile bright and warm as he kissed me- his aura was so bright I felt like it could purify me.

"I love you." I whispered against his lips, and I felt his curve up into a smile.

"And I love you."

* * *

ahhhhhHHHHHHHHH 30 CHAPTERS AND THERE'S FINALLY SOME NSFW. But I mean i feel they'd have to have a slow progression because- well you all read the story ;0;

I HOPE YOU LIKED IT

NO THE STORY IS NOT DONE YET

YOU CAN EXPECT MORE

Stay Rad everyone!

~Pixil-8


	31. Succulent

Hey! I hope everyone is doing well!

So, for this chapter, I want to give an honourable mention to the tumblr user neighborhoodtom/babyleefs , because there is a moment in this story that was inspired by their artwork! I won't specify on the moment here, but I will at the end of the chapter, cause y'know. Spoilers. Thanks again for letting me use your art for inspiration for this chapter! 3

I do not own MM!

* * *

I grumbled to myself, rolling over in the bed, shivering as the cold air brushed my shoulders. I opened my eyes, sitting up immediately as I saw the area next to me was empty, vacant of life and warmth. I looked around frantically- he was nowhere to be found.

I threw the sheets off of me, dread settling deep in my abdomen, my heart feeling like it was crashing to the floor as I quickly made my way out of my room, eyes scanning over the living room slowly before making my way to the kitchen.

"Yoosung?!"

I looked up, my breath hitching as he turned towards me, away from the stove, his eyes wide in confusion.

"Saeran? What's wrong?"

I lifted a hand to my chest, willing my heart to calm down as I let go of the breath I had evidently been holding.

"I... I thought you left."

"What? No, of course not, silly." He beamed at me, pointing at the plates on the counter, "I just wanted to wake up early to make you breakfast. I made omurice! It's just finished. Do you want coffee?"

I blushed a bit, nodding in response. He beamed as he turned to the coffee machine, beginning to search for the grinder. I could hear him mumbling under his breath about how coffee machines weren't nearly as good as drip-brewing, but it should suffice, and a small smile graced my lips as I sat down before the food he made.

Soon he had placed a cup of coffee in front of me, and one for himself, sitting next to me at the counter. We ate in silence for a while until he turned to me, a question in his eyes.

"So, did you have any plans for today?"

I shook my head slowly, feeling sheepish suddenly. I wasn't very good with making plans for one day, let alone a week's worth. He smiled at me, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Could we go somewhere?"

"Where?"

"There's a market being set up downtown that I want to take a look at. Want to go?"

I nodded, smiling at him, laughing softly under my breath as he beamed, excitedly shovelling the rest of his omurice into his mouth, a happy blush resting up on the tops of his cheeks.

* * *

We made it to the market in the early afternoon, and I couldn't keep the smile off my face as Yoosung laced his hand with mine, running around in awe at all the stands, ogling everything with fervour. I was happy just to watch him looking like a child on Christmas morning, until a stand we passed caught my eye.

It was a plant booth, filled with different succulents and cacti for sale. I found myself intrigued by them, curious as to what it would be like to take care of them. I felt a prickle of warmth within me as I imagined it, barely noticing Yoosung pull my hand as he had begun to move, pulling back to see why I hadn't moved with him.

He smiled as he saw the succulent stand, looking up at me.

"You want a succulent?"

I blushed, looking away slightly.

"...I don't know."

He grinned at me, pulling me closer to the stand.

"It's okay if you want one. Which one do you like?"

I blushed harder, looking back at the stand, pointing at a small, round cactus with a little pink flower at the top.

"...That one."

Yoosung beamed at me, turning to the woman at the booth, asking for the cacti and the proper items to care of it, then he began insisting on paying for it when I took out my wallet. The woman handed me the bag, waving us both off with a smile, and I felt the tips of my ears tingling with warmth as I held the bag in my hands.

"...You didn't have to do that."

Yoosung slid his hand along my arm, looping it through my elbow gently, nuzzling his cheek against my shoulder.

"I want to spoil you, too, y'know."

My blush was covering my entire face now, and I stopped walking. I couldn't find the words in me to speak, so I simply put the bag down before me, turning to Yoosung, who was looking at me in confusion.

"Saeran?"

I grabbed Yoosung's arm, making him stumble towards me, pressing my lips hard against his, sliding my tongue over his lower lip, a muffled squeak of surprise escaping him as I did so. He recovered quickly, wrapping his arms around my neck, his eyes fluttering closed, his mouth inviting me inside. His body shivered as I roamed his mouth, sighing warmly against his lips.

I pulled away slightly, smiling a bit.

"You're wonderful."

He blushed at my words, poking me hard in the shoulder.

"Someone's feeling a little bit bold."

I let go of him indignantly, picking up the bag and walking, shoving my free hand in my pocket.

"Fine. I won't do it then."

I continued to walk, smiling as I heard him laugh behind me for a bit before running to catch up to me.

"Saeraan, wait up! Don't be so mean to me!"

* * *

Some cute fluffy shit cause why not

And okay, back to neighborhoodtom/babyleef's idea - They drew a picture of Saeran caring for cacti, and I loved the idea, and could totally see it, so I asked them if I could use it in my story, and they said yes! So thank you so much again 3 Please go look them up on tumblr, or check their instagram (babyleefs) to see their adorable art :3

~Pixil-8


	32. Get Freaky With Me

Hey! Sorry I haven't updated in the past day or two! I've been trying to put up 2-4 chapters a day, but I got hit with this god-awful chest cold. Like, mucus in the lungs/throat, severe coughing, i sound like a dying goose. It's awful and gross and i hate life at the moment. But I'm not as delirious as I was, so i'm gonna try to put out this chapter! Thank you for being patient!

WARNING: NSFW CONTENT AHEAD! Please be aware before proceeding!

I do not own MM!

* * *

We arrived home in the early evening after walking home from the market- Yoosung excitedly exclaimed that he wanted to watch a movie, at which I happily let him choose which one. I observed him as he fussed over the movies in the cabinet, smiling fondly from the bed. He set up the movie, turning off the lights, and I opened my arms to him, at which he smiled, crawling his way into them, nuzzling his head into the crook of my neck, wrapping his arms around my waist.

Hardly 20 minutes into the movie, I couldn't help but notice that Yoosung was absolutely restless. He wrapped his leg around mine, then moved it back to the side. He kept his arms at my waist, then slid them up to my shoulders- moved his head from my neck, to my shoulders, to my chest. At first, I was unsure if he couldn't get comfortable, or was trying to get my attention. After around the 10th instance of him moving around, I decided asking was the best option.

"...You okay..?"

He blushed, freezing as though he had been caught doing something he shouldn't. He looked away from me, and I almost laughed as it looked as if he was pouting like a child.

"..I can't focus on the movie."

I tilted my head at him in confusion, resting a hand on his shoulder.

"Why not?"

"Don't wanna."

My eyebrows came together at his response, unsure of how to react.

"...Do you want to pick a different movie? We can if you want, I don't really mi-"

He sat up suddenly, turning to face me, his arms on either side of my chest, staring directly into my eyes, and I swallowed hard as I saw his were dark, filled with want and lust.

I felt my face heat up immediately, completely flustered.

"..Oh."

Yoosung lifted his hand slowly, stroking my cheek with his thumb, and I shivered at the warmth of his hands. He kept my gaze, and I felt my entire body growing hot as he looked at me, his eyes needy, but gentle.

"The other night was... Incredible, Saeran," He smiled softly at me, running his hand gently through my hair for a moment before his smile fell a bit, replaced by that unmistakable look of need, "But... I want you to have me," He leaned in closer, placing a hand directly over my heart, "Completely."

I blushed even harder, if that was possible, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Y-Yoosung.."

His cheeks were flushed as he crawled onto my lap, straddling my hips, trailing his hands slowly along my shoulders, squeezing my arms gently as he looked at me, his blonde lashes glittering on his cheeks. I brought my hands to his cheeks, holding his face tenderly in my hands, biting my lower lip softly.

"I... I'm still afraid I might hurt you."

He leaned in to me, placing a soft kiss on my lips, smiling against them gently.

"You won't. I trust you."

I looked down slowly, feeling unworthy to lock his gaze.

"I don't deserve that."

I gasped as he forced my chin upwards, making me look him in the eye, his gaze intense, something I had never seen in him before.

"You're the only one who deserves that. You deserve everything I can give you, and so much more."

My cheeks continued to burn, warmth spreading throughout my chest, and I felt my resolve crumbling beneath me. I looked slowly to the side, letting out a shaky breath.

"I... I don't... Have lube..."

Without a moment's hesitation, Yoosung reached into his pocket, pulling out a small bottle of lube, at which I blinked slowly for a moment, before busting into laughter. He stared at me in confusion as I nearly cried, the laughter overcoming my entire body.

"What's so funny?"

"Wh-what, were you carrying that around with you just in case we decided to get freaky at the market?!" I continued to laugh, unable to contain how adorable I found him, and this situation, overwhelmed by how much I loved him and how happy he made me in any given moment. He raised an eyebrow at me, smiling softly.

"Well, it pays to be prepared, but I'm glad I did now because it was worth it to hear you say the term 'get freaky'."

I finally stopped laughing, wiping a tear from my eye, just in time for him to lean in close to me, his breath hot on my nose. I turned away, embarrassed, but he placed his hands on either side of my face, turning me back to his gaze, his eyes half-lidded and his smile loving but mischievous. He leaned in close to my ear, licking the top of it, and I had to fight to hold back the moan that tried to escape my mouth.

" _Get freaky with me, Saeran."_

My resolve broke.

I turned his head towards me, connecting my mouth to his, swallowing his whimpers down my throat as I slid my tongue into his mouth. He wrapped his arms around my neck, and my free arm snaked its way around his waist, pressing our bodies together. I sighed against his lips as I felt he was already getting hard, my body pulsing with pride at this thought.

I pulled back, grabbing his shirt, forcing it up and off of his arms, hastily tossing it aside, running my hands over his smooth, supple skin. I kissed down from his lips, placing small, loving pecks along his jawline, licking softly at his neck.

"Yoosung," I whispered against his ear, my body reeling as I felt him shiver in response, "I want to mark you. I want everyone to know that you belong to me."

He squeezed my shoulders in his hands, looking down at me, the dark violets of his eyes painting me with need, and suddenly I understood the insanity of artists who went mad, staring at this gorgeous work of art before me.

"You better," He leaned in close, pushing my head towards his neck, " _Mark me."_

I growled, biting hard at his neck, my hands squeezing into his back as he moaned my name, throwing his head back in ecstasy as I sucked hard at his skin. I ran my tongue over the bite mark there, my body growing warm at the sensation of my tongue running over the teeth marks I created. I continued leaving bites and bruises along his shoulders and collarbones, down along his chest and around his nipples. My hands that were running along his back moved down to his hips, squeezing them hard, guiding them as they began to roll slowly against my own, rubbing our now completely hard cocks against each other through our clothes.

I flicked my tongue over his nipple, and he cried out, grabbing my hair in his hands, pulling hard at it. I looked up at him, his breathing heavy, a drip of saliva falling from his lip as he stared at me through watery eyes.

"S-Saeran, please- please-!"

I leaned up to his mouth, kissing him softly, smiling against his lips.

"Please what, Yoosung?"

He blushed, turning his head away slightly before pulling me into a hug, pressing our bodies together.

"Make love to me, Saeran."

I bit my lip, wrapping my arms around him as I lowered him down onto the bed, hovering over him. I discarded my shirt, making quick work of his pants, my own soon following. I sighed deeply, completely aroused as I saw he decided not to wear any underwear today. I ran my hands along his shins, placing soft kisses along his feet, up his legs and thighs, licking softly at his inner thigh, his impatient whimpers turning me on even more.

I kissed up his abdomen, his chest, his neck, reaching my final destination of his lips before pulling away ever so slightly, smiling down at his shining gaze.

"Yoosung, you're beautiful."

He blushed softly, smiling up at me as he stroked my cheek with his hand, and I nuzzled my face against it.

"You're wonderful." He spoke softly as he sat up to help me remove my underwear, kissing my lips gently every chance he could get, blushing softly as he saw me completely nude before him. I smiled, moving in close, pushing him back down beneath me. I pressed my hips against his, and he moaned as our dicks pressed against each other, and I wrapped my hand around them both, stroking along them slowly.

His mouth fell open in pleasure, a hand coming up to hide his face, though I could still see the pink glow coming from his face. I kissed his chin softly, letting out laboured breaths, trying to keep my composure, despite how far gone I felt at this moment.

"Y-Yoosung. Don't hide your face like that," He moved his hand just enough to make eye contact with me, and I smiled at him, "I can't kiss you if you hide your face."

He blushed harder, wrapping his arms around my neck, pulling me down to him.

"Then kiss me, stupid." He pressed our lips together, moaning loudly into my mouth as I ground my cock against his own, my hand rubbing us simultaneously. He bucked his hips up softly, causing me to shiver at the pleasurable sensation. I leaned my head on his shoulder, reaching over on the bed for the lube he had pulled out earlier. I sat back up, squirting some onto my fingers, looking down at my boyfriend before me.

Yoosung blushed, still partially hiding his face with one hand, his other hand looped around the back of his knee to spread his legs wider for me- the sight was so arousing I felt dizzy at the sight of it. I bit my lip softly, rubbing the lube in my hands in an attempt to warm it a bit before running my finger slowly along his ass. He twitched slightly, staring at me in fear, ecstasy, and curiosity. I smiled up at him softly, rubbing the lube around his hole.

"You've never done this to yourself, Yoosung?"

He turned an even darker shade of pink, and I couldn't help but think it suited him perfectly. He shook his head slowly, and I smiled, pressing the tip of my finger inside, a deep, dark satisfaction ebbing throughout me as his body trembled at the sensation. I kissed and sucked at his inner thigh as I slowly prodded my finger inside him, deeper, and deeper.

"So, I really am your first then.. Not even you have explored this part of yourself."

Yoosung covered his face with his hands, moaning softly into them, shaking his head in embarrassment.

"A-Ah..! S-So have you.. Have you done this... To yourself..?"

I smiled, biting down on his thigh softly.

"I've longed for Yoosung for some time, after all. I also want you to..." I pushed my finger completely inside him, my body pulsing as he arched his back, his moan like a melody of my favourite song, "... To do this to me. So yes, I have." I pressed another finger to his entrance, sliding it inside, pumping my fingers in and out slowly, leaning down to his ear as I whispered. "And I thought of you fucking me when I came."

" _Oh, fuck.."_ His voice broke as he spoke, his head buried in the sheets next to him. I smiled, adding a third finger inside him, kissing and sucking at his neck, amazed at all the marks I had left on his pale skin. Everyone would know he was indefinitely mine.

 _Mine._

"Saeran-" He grabbed my shoulder with one hand, the other thrown over his forehead, his eyes wanton and crazed, his lip quivering like mad, "-No more- No more, please, I just... I need you. I _need you."_

I moaned softly, leaning down and kissing him hard as I poured more lube onto my fingers, lubing up my cock, pressing it against his entrance. I reached up with my clean hand, lacing it into his fingers, looking him in the eyes as I began to press into him slowly.

"Yoosung," His eyes were watering as I spoke, not with pain, but with ecstasy, with love, with need, and I felt my own wave of emotions crash over me as I slid inside of him farther, " _Yoosung,"_ He never broke eye contact with me, squeezing my hand hard, his other hand sliding into my hair, gripping it tight in his fist, " _I love you. God, I love you."_

He whimpered as I pressed inside him completely, our hips connecting- his hand was squeezing mine tightly, and he used the hand that was tangled in my hair to press our lips together, pulling away just enough to speak.

" _I love you so much, Saeran."_

I sighed against his lips, moving back slowly, pressing back in with the same manner, continuing this slow pace to adjust, until I saw Yoosung's body go from tense and defensive, to malleable and receptive, soon becoming a mess of moans and whimpers. He kept his free hand wrapped around my neck, occasionally sliding his nails softly down my back, my breathing hitching every time, driving me crazy.

I squeezed his hand tighter with every thrust, never breaking his gaze- afraid to break his gaze. Almost as though I were terrified that if even for a second I broke away from this moment, that I will wake up, and it will not be real anymore, and it will be a dream- just like any other happiness I have experienced.

I felt heat burning my insides, but not the way it usually does- I was desperate this time. I was needy. I was greedy. I needed more, I needed it all. I sat up slightly, lifting his hips, holding them in my hands, pounding hard inside him. He threw his head back, saliva dribbling down his cheek in pleasure, his lips red and swollen. My body felt like a dam had broken, and there was nothing that could stop the flood pouring out of me as I crashed down up on him.

"Y-Yoosung..!"

"Fuck," He looked up at me with all the energy he had, his face completely red, his body dripping in sweat, "S-Saeran! Saerann!"

I could tell he was close, and I felt somewhat ashamed for feeling so turned on by the sound of someone so pure crying out my name in such a lewd voice. I leaned in close, slamming myself against his hips, pulling him as hard against me as hard as I could possibly handle.

He tilted his head back again, his moans becoming more frequent and high pitched, the flush of his cheeks now trailing down his neck and shoulders.

"Yoosung, are you getting close?"

Yoosung nodded slowly, his lips trembling. I smiled softly, panting under my breath, kissing his jaw.

"I'm going to make you feel really good, okay?"

I pulled back, grabbing his cock with my free hand, slamming into his ass hard still as I stroked his cock. He screamed in pleasure, throwing his head back, nearly tearing the sheets in his fists, his entire body quaking beneath my fingertips as I did this.

"S-Sae-r-ran... I'm... I'm gonna..."

I nodded slowly, moving my hand and hips faster, harder, _deeper, farther_.

"..Me too."

He threw his head back at this, his body convulsing in pleasure, his hips thrusting upwards, crying out as his cum shot out over his abdomen and chest, dribbling down his cock and my hand as well. I couldn't hold back at this sight, my body giving way to pleasure, cumming deep inside of Yoosung. He whimpered at the sensation, his body trembling as I filled him up. I stayed there for a moment, panting slowly, getting ready to pull out, when he stopped me suddenly, pulling me back. He pressed my chest against his, his breathing heavy, placing hot, open-mouthed kisses on my shoulder.

"Just... Just stay here. Like this... Just for a bit."

I nodded, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, fanning small kisses along his collarbones. I ran my fingers up through his silky blonde hair, now slightly damp with sweat, somewhat ashamed of the pride I felt in having taken the innocence of such a pure boy. I nuzzled my face into his cheek, sighing into his ear.

"..I love you so much."

He nodded, smiling happily, kissing my cheek.

"I know."

I smiled back, shaking my head, laughing softly.

"Good."

He cupped my face in his hands, his eyes shining warmly at me, his cheeks still flushed, lips swollen and red as he smiled.

"And I love you too, Saeran."

I pulled him against my body, wrapping my legs around him, entangling our bodies together in the best way I could. Never once did I want to experience this person leaving. I wanted him to stay by my side, like this- splayed open and honest, only for me. Crying out in lust and love, for me. Panting and laughing, for me.

I felt so selfish.

So selfish.

I kissed him, my tongue softly running along his lips, his own eagerly meeting mine, and I sighed, happy to taste his own greed amongst the chaos of my own.

 _I love you._

* * *

YAY YOORAN FIRST TIME C': I'll try not to incorporate too many NSFW chapters but y'know. this is part of a relationship's progression. hehe.

I hope you guys liked this chapter! Please look forward to the next one!

~Pixil-8


	33. Showers

Hey! I'm so sorry that I haven't been updating as frequently as usual. I went from 2-4 a day to like.. 1 every couple of days. Which still isn't bad I guess but, ugh... I think i might have mentioned previously that I got sick- but I'm almost all better! Just a bit of a cough now. So I should be able to write more! I also fixed up my bullet notes. I was a bit torn as to whether or not the notes I had written were what I wanted for SL, and so I went and revised them, and now have notes that I am happy with for up to Chapter 40! And it STILL won't be done at that point! So I hope you continue to enjoy it! 3

I do not own MM!

* * *

My eyes fluttered open as streaks of sunlight poured onto my face through the break in the curtains- I moved to stretch, but found I couldn't move my left arm. I turned, smiling tenderly as I saw Yoosung curled up against it, his head resting on my shoulder, arm strewn across my stomach, his leg hooked loosely around mine. I pulled him closer to me, and his lips curled up in his sleep, his head automatically nuzzling against me.

His eyes stirred beneath closed lids, a yawn escaping his lips as he began to wake up. He blinked lazily, tilting his head up at me, a small grin falling upon his face as he met my gaze. I ran my fingers through his messy hair, laughing a bit as it un-stuck from his forehead. He cringed slightly, laughing at himself.

"I guess after last night I got pretty gross."

"I think we both did. We just went to sleep immediately, after all."

Yoosung smiled, giving my hand near his face a chaste kiss, a soft blush on his cheeks- presumably due to the memories of last night- his eyes twinkling happily at me. He trailed his fingers along my chest, his eyes cotton-filled and dreamy.

"Would you... Like to take a shower together?"

I propped myself up on my arms, kissing his cheek softly, smiling as he giggled softly.

"Whatever you want."

He smiled and crawled out of the bed, heading for the door. I couldn't help but smile as I watched him walk away from me, his adorable behind on display for me to see. He turned back, seeing that I hadn't moved, and smirked at me, shaking his hips a bit.

"Stop staring and come with me. You have plenty of time to enjoy the view later."

I laughed softly, standing up and following him out of the room, and down the hall to the bathroom. I closed the door behind us, pulling two towels out from the cabinet. Yoosung turned on the tap, placing his hand underneath it to test the temperature. I leaned against the sink, smiling as I looked him over. He had dark purple hickeys all over the left side of his neck and shoulders, some splaying down his chest and stomach, scratch marks on his back, a hickey on his inner thigh as well. I tried to stifle a giggle at just how bad it was, but he heard me, turning to me in confusion.

"What?"

"Um... You might... You might want to look in the mirror, darling."

Yoosung raised an eyebrow, standing slowly and moving to the full-length mirror next to me, gasping in shock at his reflection, looking at me incredulously.

"Oh my god, I said _mark_ me, Saeran, not make me look like I was beaten up!"

I smiled, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind, peppering small kisses along his shoulder where the bruises were.

"Oh, I think people will know _exactly_ what those marks are from."

Yoosung smacked my arm, giving me a playful glare through the mirror before taking my hand, pulling me into the shower with him. He turned on the shower head, and I gasped as it sprayed directly on me first thing, the initial burst of cold water chilling me to the core. Yoosung laughed loudly at my expression, clutching his stomach as he giggled.

"That's payback for all my freaking hickeys."

I rolled my eyes, grabbing him by the hips and pulling him against me, leaning in close to his ear, and I felt him shiver as the now-hot water poured over our bodies simultaneously, "You seemed to enjoy it last night when you kept moaning in my arms."

Yoosung blushed, placing his hands on my arms softly, looking down shyly.

"W-Well... It did feel good... I just didn't really think about how visible they would be. I've never had a hickey before."

I smiled, smoothing his wet bangs away from his forehead, kissing his nose.

"Well I'm honoured that I was the first to kiss, the first to hold, the first to taste, and the first to make love to such an amazing human."

"Stop," Yoosung shook his head, laughing under his breath, his cheeks a bright pink, a sheepish smile on his face, "You're making me blush, jeez."

I laughed, leaning down to grab the shampoo, pouring some into my hand before passing him the bottle, beginning to lather it into my hair.

"Can't help it. You look adorable when you blush."

He glared at me again, his smile betraying him as he also began to shampoo his hair. I watched as trails of suds crawled over bruised skin, all the way down to the natural creamy white of his stomach, warmth ebbing throughout me, more content than I can ever remember being in my entire life, in this moment, with this person before me.

Soon enough we had finished showering, taking a little longer than usual as we had a short soap-fight, playing around like fools. I wrapped my towel around my waist, reaching for my blowdryer, noticing in the corner of my eye that Yoosung was staring at me as though he wanted to speak, but was unsure of whether or not he should.

"What's on your mind?"

He smiled, rubbing his neck softly, pointing at the blowdryer.

"This might sound strange, but... Could I dry your hair for you?"

I smiled, nodding, kneeling on the towel on the floor. He plugged it in, standing behind me, the dryer in one hand, a brush in the other. He turned it on, going through the motions of smoothing out my hair with the brush, running the dryer over it, repeating this process all over my head. I closed my eyes, a small smile on my lips- never in my life has anyone tried to dry my hair for me. I never thought something so simple could be so relaxing, and so intimate. I nearly fell asleep as the calming sensation of him drying and brushing my hair pulled my body into a lull. It was only when Yoosung pressed a kiss to the top of my head did I snap back to reality- he was finished.

I stood up, laughing as he gave me a quick hug, nuzzling his face into my chest happily, placing soft kisses along my collarbones. I laced my hand into his, leading him out of the bathroom and down towards the bedroom, freezing in my tracks as we came upon the living room, my gaze coming upon Saeyoung standing there, a knowing smirk on his face, and Jade standing apologetically behind him.

"S-Saeyoung! You said you wouldn't be back until two days from now!"

Saeyoung's smirk grew wider, shrugging his shoulders playfully.

"Ehhhh, I lied. I was curious about how things would have gone without us here. So, _Yoosung,"_ I could see Yoosung's face turning bright pink next to me, his eyes wide as saucers, "Looks like you two got pretty _close_ while we were gone, huh?" Saeyoung gestured loosely to the hickeys covering Yoosung's upper body, and Yoosung squeezed my hand, his free hand flying up to cover his chest as best he could.

My own cheeks were burning hot- I had never been this embarrassed in my life. "Saeyoung, can you not-"

"So," He cut me off, his grin smug, his eyes twinkling behind his glasses, and I clenched my teeth- this bastard meant to tease me, "Yoosung did Saeran treat you well?" He stepped closer to us, grinning down at Yoosung, who was now the darkest shade of pink I had ever seen him, "Seriously, I hope he wasn't too, uh, _hard_ on you."

" _SAEYOUNG!"_ I yelled at him, my cheeks on fire, Yoosung letting go of my hand to bury his face in his palms, attempting to hide from the world, an embarrassed squeak muffled into his hands. Jade rolled her eyes, pulling Saeyoung away from us, dragging him behind her.

"Oooookay, I think that's enough of that. Sorry guys, I told him not to, but well, you know him."

Saeyoung shot finger guns at us as he was dragged away, winking at me over his shoulder.

"Heck yeah they do!"

I slammed my palm against my forehead, groaning loudly, turning to Yoosung to apologize, who was still hiding his face in his hands. I wrapped my hand around his wrist, guiding him to my room, closing the door behind us, and I sighed softly as he flopped onto the bed, burying his face into the pillows. I walked over to him, sitting on the edge of the bed, placing my hand at the small of his back.

"Are you mad?"

Yoosung shook his head, tilting it just enough that he could look at me from the corner of his eye.

"It's not your fault Saeyoung is a jerk. I'm just embarrassed, because... Well..." His eyes flitted down, breaking my gaze, burying his face backinto his arms. I rubbed his back, urging him to continue.

"Because what?"

"Because," His voice was muffled into the sheets as he spoke, the tips of his ears bright pink, "You're the only person I wanted to see me like that."

I couldn't help but smile a bit.

"You were wearing a towel, Yoosung."

He shot up, his face completely serious.

"And I was _naked_ under that towel!"

I burst into laughter, shaking my head, pulling him into my arms.

"Well technically everyone is naked under all their clothes either way. Besides, if Saeyoung ever tried to see you without one, I would beat the crap out of him. I know he wouldn't though- he might love to see people suffer so he can laugh at it, but he's very loyal to his significant other. And he wouldn't do that to me," I sighed, rolling my eyes, "He'll just tease me endlessly about my relationship. He'll probably be questioning me about it later."

Yoosung blushed again, burying his face into my chest, sighing softly, and I closed my eyes slowly as I felt his warm breath trickle down my stomach.

"Don't tell him too much though... I want to keep the intimate details between us. In more ways than one." His eyes flicked up to meet mine, a playful tint laying beneath them, and I smiled, running my hands along his sides.

"And what ways might that be?"

He grinned, pinning me down to the bed.

"Well, let me take off your towel and I'll show you what I want to keep _between us."_

* * *

ANNNND That's it for this chapter~

I had to throw in Saeyoung being an annoying little shit of a brother because we all know he totally would be. XD In a good way and bad way. Embarrassment 101 taught by 707

~Pixil-8


	34. Mama Kim

Hey guys! I hope you've all enjoyed the last couple of chapters 3 This is the longest story I've written in a long time, and i'm doing everything I can to keep it from getting overcrowded, while still reaching the end goal I have in mind. I hope you continue to enjoy it :3

I do not own MM!

* * *

I laid sprawled out on my bed, scribbling away in my journal, adding to the poems I had been writing for a while now- Since I had started the book around 7 months ago, I had it nearly half-full now, and I smiled to myself at my progress on it. I hadn't let anyone else look at them besides Ms. Ardonne, who suggested I take up the artistic outlet, but I had a feeling that soon I would be comfortable enough to show them to a certain someone.

Almost as if on cue, my phone rang, playing the tell-tale ringtone that I had picked out for Yoosung. I rolled over, reaching for it on the bedside table, answering the call, holding the phone to my ear.

"Can you read minds?"

"Huh?" His voice was audibly confused, and I laughed softly to myself, leaning back against the pillows.

"I was just thinking about you, and you called. Pretty sure you can read minds."

Yoosung laughed, and I closed my eyes- I could almost see him before me, his shining smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling happily at me.

"Well I don't know if that counts on my end, cause I'm always thinking about you, so..."

"Okay, true," I closed my journal, setting it aside, my heart fluttering as he giggled, "So, why'd you call?"

"Oh," His tone changed, the previous playfulness that was emanating from his voice completely gone, replaced with hesitation and nerves, "Well, um.. I was wondering if you'd like to, uh, come to dinner with me.."

"Of course I would. But why do you sound so nervous about it?"

"Well... My... My mom is coming. She... Wants to meet you," He took in a slow breath, clearly anxious about the idea, and I waited patiently for him to gather himself, "She found out I'm with someone... The only thing is, she doesn't know that I'm with a guy."

I felt a small pit form in my stomach, my anxiety beginning to swirl- Was he ashamed of me? Was he afraid to tell his family about us? My thoughts were interrupted as he spoke again.

"Don't take that as me being ashamed of you, I'm- I'm not. Not at all. I'm just... I'm nervous. She doesn't know about me not being straight, and it's just a bit scary. It's not that I'm ashamed of you, so please don't worry about that."

I let out a soft breath, shaking my head slowly as I raked my fingers through my hair.

"You sure you don't read minds..?"

"Mm, I just felt like you might worry about that, or that you might get caught up in your head and worry about it. I don't want you to worry about that at all. I could never be ashamed of you. I love you," Yoosung sighed softly to himself, "I'm just... I'm scared. It's scary."

I nodded slowly, playing with the hem of my shirt softly, nursing my bottom lip with my teeth, unsure of how to help in this situation. I've never had to go through the process of coming out to my parents, so I couldn't understand how Yoosung was feeling right now.

"Are you sure that this is okay? Like, are you sure you want me to meet your mom?"

"Of course I do!"

I jolted a bit at the urgency in his voice, my hand releasing its grasp on the bottom of my shirt. I listened to his quivering breaths through the phone- I could tell he was trying to calm himself down.

"My mom has always been a really kind person. I'm probably nervous for nothing, honestly- it's just... I don't know how to explain it. It's nerve-wracking. I don't know how she will react, because I always used to talk about having a girlfriend, and how I'd treat her, and she taught me how to treat a girl- It's just going to be a little scary for me... But I want to do this. I just.. I need you to stand by me, okay?"

I nodded, closing my hand into a fist, wishing desperately that I could slide my hand into his own to give him comfort.

"Of course."

* * *

We neared the restaurant, stopping about a block away, Yoosung holding my hand in shaky fingers, taking a moment to gather his breath, leaning his forehead on my shoulder, collecting himself. I rubbed his shoulders softly, kissing the side of his head comfortingly, reaching under his chin, tilting his face up to look at me, his violet eyes laced with worry. I ran my thumb along his chin softly, keeping his gaze, rubbing my nose against his own.

"I'll be beside you no matter what."

Yoosung forced a smile onto his face, trying to be strong, squeezing my hand softly. I returned his gesture with a weak smile of my own, both of us continuing on the path towards the restaurant. We walked inside, and I watched Yoosung's face as his eyes scoured the room, his body shivering as his gaze laid upon who must have been his mother. He lead the way, towing me behind him, sitting down beside me across the table from her, his shoulders slumped forwards, his hair falling softly into his eyes. The woman before us, Mrs. Kim, smiled at us gently.

"Yoosung, why do you look so nervous?"

Yoosung shifted in his seat, squeezing my hand under the table, and I attempted to reassure him by rubbing my thumb soothingly over his knuckles. He took in a slow breath, looking up at his mom slowly.

"Mom, I... This, is Saeran. Saeran Choi, my.. My boyfriend," His mom didn't flinch as he continued, her smile still as gentle and pleasing as ever as she watched him explain, his gaze fixed to the table, "I know I didn't tell you that- well, that I wasn't straight- I always wanted a girlfriend, and I had never even considered the possibility of liking men, but I met Saeran and things were just... Different. He's different."

I blushed softly as he continued, shifting my gaze as I locked eyes with Yoosung's mother, his hand still squeezing mine under the table, his leg shaking nervously.

"I was really scared to bring it up, because I wasn't sure how you'd react. It's nerve-wracking, I guess, especially when I thought I was straight for my whole life up until roughly 6 to 8 months ago," He laughed softly under his breath, "Actually, more like up until a year and a half ago. I think I liked Saeran as soon as I saw him, I just didn't know what that meant. I hope that... I hope that you don't look at me any differently." He bit his lip softly, finally looking up, his body tense.

Mrs. Kim shook her head slowly, laughing softly to herself. She tilted her head at Yoosung, flashing him a dazzling smile- now I know where he got that from.

"Yoosung. I completely understand how confusing it is to come to understand these things, it takes time- and no matter what, I would accept you. You're my son," She reached across the table, placing her hand over his free hand, and I felt the one that I was holding release some tension at the gesture, "and I love you. I'm always on your side. Relax, okay?"

Yoosung blushed sheepishly, nodding slowly, a soft smile on his lips.

"Thank you, mom."

She nodded pleasantly, turning her gaze to me, her eyes twinkling. They were a dark violet, much darker than the bright violets of Yoosung's eyes, but still just as warm, and just as inviting.

"So Saeran, tell me about yourself! I only found out about Yoosung being in a relationship a few days ago, so I don't know anything about you."

The warmth from moments before was immediately stripped away, my body suddenly growing cold. I felt knots curling their way into my stomach and throat, filling up my lungs, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. I pressed my back against the seat, recoiling on instinct, and Yoosung placed his hand on my shoulder, rubbing it soothingly, and I turned to him, my eyes wide with panic, my body visibly shaking.

"Saeran, take deep breaths. It's okay, you're okay. My mom is really understanding. You don't need to be scared. Just like I told you earlier, I was scared and nervous over nothing." He smiled in an attempt to reassure me, but the onslaught of panic rippling through my body refused to cease. I closed my eyes tightly, clenching and unclenching my free hand, desperately trying to stop the fear, the fear I knew was biased, and unfair, because Yoosung's mother was different, I could see that, she wasn't like my own. She wasn't like her.

I let out a shaky breath, my vision blurry as I opened my eyes, my breathing thin and raspy. Yoosung rubbed my back slowly, whispering soothing reminders in my ear that he was there, to breathe slowly, that everything was okay. I jolted slightly as a cup of tea was placed before me, my gaze creeping upwards, meeting Mrs. Kim's, who smiled patiently at me.

"Chamomile. I ordered it for you- it's good for helping calm the nerves."

I looked back at the tea, my stomach flipping still, my head pounding. I looked back up at her, blinking slowly, and the corners of her brows came together, genuine concern written on her features- the same honest, raw emotion I'd seen on Yoosung's face the first time he ran into me.

"Take your time, dear. It's alright."

I nodded shakily, bringing my hands to the cup, slowly taking a sip, closing my eyes as it warmed my throat. I looked over to Yoosung, his hand still resting on my back, and he leaned in, placing a soft kiss on my shoulder. I smiled softly, feeling my anxiety slowly reduce, breaking off into smaller, more manageable pieces. I put down the cup, letting out another slow breath, staring into the liquid before me.

"Sorry.. About that.. I get stressed pretty easily, unfortunately." I looked up at her, and she nodded, smiling at me again, urging me to continue. I squeezed the teacup in my hands, focusing on the warmth surrounding the cup, allowing the heat to keep me focused, and not stray from the reality that I was safe.

"To be honest, right now, I'm not doing much of anything... A year and a half ago, I was taken from.. Well, a traumatic experience. I won't go into detail, but I've been recovering since then, and I still am. All I've been able to handle doing is help my twin brother and his wife's toy company. I help program the AI for the robotic toys that they produce, and help build the toys themselves. I don't have the skill set to do anything else, really, especially dealing with people..."

"Well, that sounds impressive in itself, dear."

I blushed softly, taking another sip from the tea. I could see Yoosung smiling at me fondly through the corner of my eye, warmth pooling in my chest once more.

"Thank you... For the most part, though, I've just been.. Taking everything at my own pace for my health... But, I probably wouldn't even be as far as I am now, if it wasn't for your son, Mrs. Kim." I looked up at her, holding her gaze, desperately trying to prove my sincerity.

"I love your son. I love him so much. I will do everything I can to get to the point where I can support him properly, and take care of him forever. I'm not there yet, but I will work as hard as I can to get there, so that I can be. I want to do everything for him, and give him everything. But right now, all I can give him is me, so," I squeezed the teacup in my hands, letting out a shaky breath, "So I hope you can come to accept me."

I looked slowly to my side, my heart swelling as I saw Yoosung staring at me, tears welling in his eyes, his mouth covered with his hands, his cheeks flushed pink.

"Saeran..." His voice was full of awe and love, shaking slightly as he spoke. He reached out one of his hands, lacing his fingers in mine, a teary smile on his face. I smiled back at him, squeezing his hand in mine, turning back to his mom, who gazed at me with a look of reverence.

"Ever since he was young, I was sure that Yoosung would be fluid in his sexuality. That was never a concern of mine, so long as he was happy- my biggest concern was how impressionable he can be," She smiled at Yoosung, who hung his head towards the table, a silent act of acknowledgement of this trait he possessed, "I was afraid that the first person, or anyone, that he ended up dating, would take advantage of him- so I can't tell you _nearly_ enough how happy and pleased I am that he found someone like you to be his significant other." She reached across the table, taking my hand in hers, and I felt warm shivers trickle up my arm from her touch, not in a displeasing way- it was comforting, soothing.

The way a mother should be.

She smiled at me, running her thumb over my hand softly, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she smiled.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, dear. Mental health is valid, and sometimes the mind can take a long time to heal- that's nothing to feel inadequate about, or ashamed of. I have seen a change in Yoosung over the past year, and we have you to thank for inciting that change," She squeezed my hand in hers a little more firmly, beaming at me proudly, and I felt tears sting the backs of my eyes, my chest tightening as she continued, "You should be proud of yourself. And of _course_ I accept you, Saeran. I would be happy, and honoured, to call you my son."

My hand flew up to my mouth, my head bowing down, squeezing my eyes shut as the tears spilled over. My shoulders began to quake softly as I sobbed silently into my palm. She let go of my hand, moving around to my side, pulling me into a gentle hug. I wrapped my arms around her neck, burying my face into her shoulder, my tears staining her shirt as she rubbed my back.

"Th...Thank you... So much..."

She shook her head, holding me tightly, still rubbing my back soothingly.

"No, Saeran, thank _you."_

I sobbed into her shoulder, not even caring that we were probably causing a scene in the middle of a public restaurant, not caring that it probably seemed strange to everyone around us- all that mattered to me, right here, right now, was this feeling of feeling of absolute vulnerability I was experiencing, and for the first time, I wasn't afraid of it. I was overcome with the sheer velocity of her acceptance of me, of my demons, of my darkness, the comfort of her presence overbearing in the best way possible.

I pulled away, wiping my face on my sleeve, smiling weakly through my tears. Yoosung wrapped his arms around my waist, placing a soft kiss just below my eye, and I laughed softly, blushing gently as Mrs. Kim sat back down across from us, looking at us fondly as she laced her fingers together before her on the table.

"So," She chuckled under her breath, "Shall we order food?"

* * *

GAH I love the idea of Mrs. Kim being a sweet motherly influence for Saeran cause poor bb never had a good parental experience and i just UGH yes ok.

I've never tried writing a scene with a mom, so I hope that this came across well. Trying so many new things with this fanfic. Gah. Love it all though.

~Pixil-8


	35. Uncle

Hello :3 I heard from some friends reading this fic that they really loved the last chapter, that makes me really happy ~ I just really love the idea of Yoosung's mom being a positive, motherly influence in Saeran's life and taking him in immediately cause she's got a big heart like that. 3

On to the next chapter ~

I do not own MM!

* * *

"Saeran, could you come into the living room for a bit?"

I sighed, rolling over in my bed, not wanting to tear away from my book just yet. I tilted my head towards the door somewhat, enough that my voice would carry through clearly, trying to hide the irritation lying beneath the surface.

"Why?"

"We have something to tell you!"

I frowned, letting out another heavy sigh as I slipped my bookmark into place, leaving the book closed on my bed. I got to my feet, slow steps carrying me across the room and into the hall where I stared out at Saeyoung and Jade, who both looked as though they were bouncing on their heels. I crossed my arms, wondering what they could be up to now.

"Okay, what is it?"

Saeyoung gestured to the couch, nodding towards it.

"You should sit down."

I hesitated, my brows creasing in the centre of my forehead. I took apprehensive steps towards the couch, sitting down on it slowly, observing them both as they anxiously looked at each other.

"What is up with you two..?"

Saeyoung suddenly beamed, so much so that I thought his glasses were going to fall off the bridge of his nose. He slipped his hand into Jade's, who also wore an excited smile on her face.

"Saeran, we-" He glanced at Jade again, who nodded fervently, and he turned back to me, now definitely bouncing up and down, "-We're pregnant!"

I stared at them, blinking slowly, trying to register what they were saying, while also trying to figure out if this was another one of their pranks.

"...What?"

"Jade is pregnant," Saeyoung grinned at me, placing his hands on my shoulders, "You're gonna be an uncle!"

I stared at him still, blinking again, unmoving from my spot, my mouth suddenly dry.

"I... What?" I shook my head, panic starting to burn in my stomach, my hands beginning to twitch, "No. _No_ , I can't."

Saeyoung released my shoulders, slipping down onto the couch next to me, his hand resting softly on the middle of my back, concern written on his face. I stared firmly at my quivering hands, refusing to meet his gaze.

"What are you afraid of?"

I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head slowly, digging the palms of my hands into my eyes, taking quick breaths. Was it not obvious? Was my apprehension of other people, even now, not evident? Let alone being in the presence of an impressionable, small _child?_

"I... I can barely handle my own emotions, Saeyoung. I'm still just barely getting a hold on that. I don't think... I don't think I'll be able to help you at all with the child." I hung my head a bit, my breath quivering softly, equal parts ashamed as much as I was terrified, "I don't think I would be a good uncle."

I gasped softly as Saeyoung turned me by my shoulders, holding them firmly in his grip, forcing me to look him in the eye, his gaze hard, but loving all the same.

"I think you will be an amazing uncle."

I bit my lip, unable to look away from him.

"I've... Never interacted with a child. I don't know how I'll even be around them at all..."

"Saeran," I shifted my gaze to my left, seeing Jade shift her weight softly on her feet, "I agree with Saeyoung. You might not see it, but you are actually really caring, and I think you might even surprise yourself at the instincts you might have when it comes to kids."

I clenched my jaw, staring down into my lap, afraid to look anywhere else.

I wanted to believe them. I wanted to trust them, that maybe they were right, maybe I would be an alright influence to this child...

I just couldn't.

I stood up abruptly, feeling Saeyoung reach out for me as I did so. I pulled my arm back, his hand just missing my wrist, his brows curled together in worry. I took a step back, placing my hand on my forehead, my breathing uneven and shaky. The room felt hot- I felt hot.

"I... I need to go, for now... I'll talk to you later..." I ran past them, bolting into my room, grabbing my phone, hastily throwing some clothes into a bag, running back out of the room in the same instance, desperately trying not to think of anything- nothing but the direction where my feet were taking me.

* * *

Soon enough I was outside of Yoosung's apartment- by some small blessing, his next-door neighbour was just heading inside, and as he had seen me enter with Yoosung many times, let me in- probably also swayed as he saw my panicked and disheveled state. I bolted up the stairs, running to Yoosung's door, banging on it desperately, my mind spinning in my panic.

 _Please be home. Please be home. Please be home..._

The door flew open, Yoosung's brows curled together in frustration, his mouth open as though he were about to say something about his door being banged on at this time of the evening- his body was dotted with beads of sweat, bangs pinned back against his forehead, a pale blue tank top hanging loosely on his body- I think I caught him in the middle of cleaning.

The look of frustration fell from his face immediately, replaced with confusion and concern.

"Saeran? What are you doing here? Is something wrong?"

I stumbled forwards, my legs suddenly feeling weak, and he squeaked in surprise, catching me in unsteady arms. He supported me by my waist, pulling me inside, just beyond the threshold of the door, enough so that he could close it behind me. He ran his hands slowly up and down my back, massaging my hips in his hands softly.

"Saeran? Are you okay..? What's going on?"

I slid my arms around his neck, my body moving down to curl onto the ground, pulling him down with me, and he followed, curling up against me as I crumpled onto the floor, his arms never leaving their position from my waist. I buried my face into his shoulder, shaking my head slowly, and I felt him lean his head against mine gently. I took in a shaky breath, squeezing him hard.

"Please... Just... Just hold me right now."

Yoosung nodded a bit, adjusting his legs so that he could wrap them around my waist as well, his position now resembling that of a koala, his hands massaging into my back, trailing up, and raking through my hair soothingly before making their way back down, repeating this process.

"Okay. Okay, I've got you."

He continued to whisper softly, tenderly into my ear, his tone gentle and soothing, a constant stream of sweet nothings caressing my eardrums as he spoke. I kept my eyes closed, my face buried as far as it could go into his shoulders and neck, my grasp around his neck probably uncomfortable and overbearing at this point, but I didn't have it in me to care. I focused on my breathing, trying my best to take it slow so that I could speak.

"Sae... Saeyoung and Jade are... Pregnant," I squeezed Yoosung a little harder, "I'm going to be an uncle."

Yoosung nodded slowly, still rubbing my back in slow, wide, calming circles.

"Isn't that good news?"

"I," My breath hitched as I spoke, and I closed my eyes again, shaking my head, "I don't know."

I felt Yoosung's hands come to a standstill for a moment before I registered the sensation of his lips curling up into a soft smile against my ear, understanding taking over his features.

"You think you won't be a good uncle."

"I know I won't," My response was immediate, tears stinging behind my eyes as I thought about it, "I don't deserve to be around a child. I think I'll just be awful with them, and to them.

Yoosung hummed low in his throat, his hand running through my hair still, and I felt the tension in my body ebbing away as the motion relaxed me.

"Saeran," He tilted my head up just enough so that I had to look at him, a small smile on his lips, "Babe," I blushed a bit at the use of the pet name, "You're too hard on yourself. You're very sweet and caring- you might have a hard exterior sometimes, but I think you will do great." He placed a tender kiss on my forehead, beaming at me now. "You've always succeeded in making me feel good."

I sighed softly, leaning my forehead against his, defeated, exhausted by my own emotions.

"You... Think so?"

Yoosung grinned, laughing at himself.

"Well if you can make me smile, I'm sure you'll make a kid smile, considering I'm the innocent one. That's similar to a kid, right?"

I nodded slowly, unsure, but still pleased with his response, a small blush on my cheeks.

"If... If you say so."

Yoosung smiled again, lacing his hands into one of mine, bringing it to his lips, placing a tender kiss upon the fingers there.

"I'll be here with you too. We can get through it together, okay?"

I nodded slowly, squeezing his hand in mine, a small smile on the corner of my lips.

"Yeah.. Together."

* * *

And that's it for chapter 35!

I can see saeran being such a rad uncle. just a lil scared at first ~

~Pixil-8


	36. Want to, Need to

Hello everyone! :D I am back. So, starting from this chapter onwards, some things are going to be a little different. I want to make a little note stating this, because I worry that some people will try to argue with me that the actions I am taking with this story are "out of character", etc etc.. So please hear me out at this time.

I love and appreciate all of your feedback- and while I hope you enjoy what I write, I hope you keep in mind that this is just how I personally want my story about these two to go! Please take this into consideration before reviewing. I have experienced in the past people telling me they were "disappointed" in me, for taking a story in a direction that I did- And I don't want that to happen this time. You are welcome to dislike or not agree with how I write this story, but I am happy with it, and I want to continue it with the goal I, personally, have in mind. I hope that you accept that for what it is, and find some form of enjoyment in it. (: Thank you for your time!

On with the story !

I do not own MM!

* * *

I continued my slow pace down the sidewalk, adjusting my scarf so it covered my mouth just enough to ward off the cool chill that had begun to kiss the air. Summer was falling away, Autumn quickly filling in the space it had left behind. I brought my hands to my mouth, blowing into them softly, rubbing them together in a feeble attempt to warm them.

"Are you cold?"

I turned, Yoosung smiling at me tenderly, his own hands outstretched to me. I smiled, sliding my fingers into his, closing my eyes as the warmth of his fingertips spread throughout my own. He brought my hands to his cheek, and I blushed, looking around nervously.

"Y-Yoosung, we're in public."

Yoosung smiled, placing a soft kiss on my fingers before bringing our hands back down to our side, continuing to walk and peruse the shops downtown.

"True, but I just can't help myself." He turned to gaze at a 'help wanted' sign found on the windows of one of the stores, his hand squeezing mine subconsciously. I squeezed back, and he flinched, clearly unaware of the action he had just made. He turned to me, his brows coming together gently on his forehead, his expression questioning, concerned.

"Saeran, are you sure about this? Nobody is pressuring you to take things faster than you need to..." He hesitated, nursing his lower lip softly between his teeth, shifting his weight where he stood, "... This isn't because of meeting my mom, is it?"

I sighed softly, shaking my head, running my thumb over his knuckles.

"Well.. Yes, and no. It isn't solely because of that. Meeting your mom... It... Well," I took a breath, a blush creeping up on my face. I stared at my feet as we walked, avoiding his gaze, "Meeting your mom solidified what I want to do... What I want to be able to do, at least. I can't keep working under Saeyoung and Jade forever. I need to try and find my own job- but for now, I'm just looking at options. I'm not making a solid decision yet," I glanced at him from the corner of my eye- I could see he was watching me intently, watching my face for any hint that I was forcing myself. I sighed again, looking back down at the ground, "It's... Scary, of course. But this is something I want- no, something I _need_ to do."

Yoosung pulled my hand, causing me to stumble towards him, eliciting a gasp from my mouth at the sudden movement. He wrapped his arms around my waist, burying his face into the scarf covering my neck, and almost as if by nature now, my arms made their away around his shoulders, one hand sliding into his hair, pressing his body closer to mine, my eyes closing, focusing on every aspect of him as he held me. His hot breath found its way through my scarf, causing me to shiver at the warmth, his hands rubbing my back slowly.

"If this is what you want, I'll support you," He pulled back enough to place a small kiss on my chin, my stomach flipping at the public display of affection, but also elated at how he was so open to do so, a small twinge of pride grazing throughout me as he smiled, "I'm here for you."

I nodded, a small smile of my own curved onto my lips. He glanced across the street, nodding towards a clothing store, lacing his hand back into mine.

"Do you mind if we go look in there? They had a shirt there the last time I looked that I wanted to try on and get your opinion."

"Sure."

He lead me across the street, holding the door of the clothing store open for me, making an adorably silly gesture of a bow as I walked through, choking back a laugh under my breath. I shivered as the warmth of the store got to me, fully realizing how chilly it really was outside. I gazed at the clothes hanging on the racks and walls- this store was from a brand name company, not an overly expensive one, but enough to be fairly well-known. I moved to follow Yoosung to where he wanted to go, but he raised a hand, stopping me in my tracks.

"Nope! You wait right here. I want you to be surprised- you won't be surprised if you see me grab it!"

I sighed, rolling my eyes softly, shoving my chilled hands into my pockets, shrugging.

"Alright, I'll wait here."

He grinned, leaning up to give me a quick peck on the cheek before turning away from me, practically skipping on his feet as he looked for the clothing he desired. I couldn't help but smile as I watched him, suddenly the remains of the cold from outside that lingered on my hands and coat completely vanishing as I was filled with warmth. I blinked in surprise as I felt someone tap my shoulder, breaking me from my momentary stupor, and I turned, coming upon a woman slightly shorter than me beaming in my direction.

"Excuse me, Hi!"

I looked to the side, trying to see if there happened to be anyone else standing nearby- it appeared I was the only one in the vicinity. I looked back at her in confusion, raising an inquisitive brow.

"..Hello?"

She seemed to smile wider, placing a finger on her chin as she seemed to contemplate me. She had chin-length, black hair, cut into a stylish bob, and bright blue eyes. She was dressed very fashionably- she almost looked like a model.

"Hi there! I'm sorry if this is strange, but I just couldn't help but notice you!"

I blinked slowly, not sure of what she meant whatsoever. I shifted awkwardly on my feet, trying to step back, only to run into a rack of sweaters.

"Notice me..?"

She nodded fervently, reaching into her purse, pulling out a business card, her white teeth sparkling as brightly as fresh snow.

"Yes! I actually work for a modelling agency- I'm someone who goes around and recruits new models for the company, and I thought you looked really handsome. Your aesthetic is absolutely phenomenal!" She seemed to lean in closer, her eyes excited and sparkling, like she had just discovered a brand-new toy to play with, "And your eyes are _beautiful,_ you also seem very slender which is great, you'd look fantastic in most anything! Have you ever considered modelling?"

She was leaning so close to me that I was pressed completely against the rack of sweaters behind me, my back aching slightly as the hangers jabbed against it. I swallowed hard, staring at her incredulously, wishing desperately that Yoosung would hurry up so I could escape this situation, my face flushed bright red.

"Um... N-No. Not really. I tend to get anxious around people, so..."

She clapped her hands together in front of her chest, the sound causing me to jump in surprise.

"That's perfect! We need a face for various ads and photo spreads, so it would just be private photohoots- No dealing with people necessary outside of our photo crew and makeup artists!"

I swallowed again, glancing over my shoulder in the direction of the change rooms.

"I... I don't know.."

She smiled at me still, leaning back a bit, finally giving me some room to breathe. She held her card out towards me still, though her features seemed to soften from their previous overbearing manor, her smile gentle now, understanding lying behind its depths- upon noticing this, I felt my shoulders relax, the tension that had gripped my body ebbing away- still not comfortable by any means, but I no longer felt the need to run and hide.

"Well, why don't you take my card and call me if you consider it! We could set up a practice shoot for you to see what the process is like, so you can decide if it's something that's up your alley. "

I hesitated, unsure of whether or not I should accept the card. I couldn't really see myself being a model, of all things- I had never been one to consider myself handsome, or beautiful, or anything that a model generally should possess. My whole life had basically been a process of making myself as small and invisible as I possibly could- that in and of itself made the prospect of modelling, something where my face would be on display for so many people to see, intimidating all on its own. I bit my lip, and her grin just seemed to grow wider, her hand still holding out the card towards me.

"Hey, I promise this isn't a scam. Also," She reached out slowly, allowing me the chance to back off if I felt uncomfortable- I didn't, allowing her to take my hand gently in her own, "I suffer from anxiety, so I get how it can be hard. I hope you'll give us a chance. I think you have a lot of potential- your looks are too good to keep to yourself!" She gave me a friendly wink as she said this, placing the card in my palm, turning on her heel, waving and calling out goodbye as the bell of the door rang, signalling her departure.

"Saeran what do you- Wait, who was that?" Yoosung poked his head out of the change room curtains, just in time to see her leaving the store. I walked towards him, staring at the card in my hand, blinking slowly at it.

"She asked me if I have ever considered modelling..."

"Really?!" Yoosung's eyes lit up, his face clearly excited at the idea, "That's awesome!"

I turned the card in my fingers, my eyes glazing over the name on the back- Kiara Junko.

"You think?"

"Yeah, I do! I think that's perfect! I can see you being a model!"

I blushed softly, shoving the card into my pocket, staring at my feet.

"Well... Maybe..." I rubbed my neck softly, my cheeks and ears growing hotter by the second, "Would you come with me to the practice session when I arrange it with them..?"

Yoosung placed his hand on my cheek, his thumb stroking my skin tenderly, his grin shining brightly.

"Of course! I will support you in any way you need."

I gave a thankful smile, nuzzling my cheek into his hand softly, my eyes flitting down along his shoulder and over his chest, my body freezing as I finally registered what he was wearing. I swallowed hard- if my face wasn't red before, it was definitely red now. Yoosung seemed to have noticed my sudden change in expression, his grin falling into a coy smile, leaning against the wall of the change room, blinking up at me endearingly.

"What do you think?" His voice was low and flirtatious, his right hand running along his hip to draw more attention to the material hiding the skin there. The shirt he was wearing was a sheer, black velvet material- it hugged his chest, hips, and waist perfectly, the shine reflecting off the material creating sweet lines along his body where the fabric creased. The neck fell into a deep 'v', ending just between his pecs, his creamy skin exposed to the world. It was long-sleeved, but the sleeves themselves were a see-through, black, glittering material- they made his already thin arms look even more dainty, in the best of ways, curving gracefully around his slender wrists, kissing the curves of his shoulders-

My face flaming, I pushed him back into the change room, pulling the curtain shut, barely registering the noise of surprise that came from him as I pushed him back.

"Sa-Saeran?!"

I leaned my head against the wall of the change room, glancing at him out of the corner of my eye, making sure nobody else would be able to see beyond the curtains but me.

"Change back."

Yoosung's brows came together in surprise, almost looking offended as he opened his mouth to protest.

"Wha-"

I shook my head, closing my eyes tightly, closing the curtain completely.

"I don't want anyone else seeing you like that, so please change back-!"

I heard Yoosung freeze behind the curtain, slowly letting out a soft laugh, a sigh following close behind.

"Honestly, you're such a child."

I let out an indignant huff of breath, turning away from the change room, my back to it, crossing my arms.

"Whatever, just... Just change back."

Yoosung was out rather quickly, his regular clothes back in their rightful place. I avoided his gaze, unable to get the vision of him in that skin-tight shirt out of my head- he interrupted my thoughts as he quickly pecked me on the cheek, a small smile gracing his lips, his eyes twinkling up at me.

"You know your opinion is the only one I care about anyways," He leaned in closer to my ear, placing a soft kiss there, causing chills to run up my spine, " _I_ _like knowing I have that effect on you."_

My face began to burn up again, the tips of my ears absolutely flaming. I crossed my arms, turning away from him, trying to hide my face, to no avail as he laughed out loud behind me.

"Wh-Whatever..!"

* * *

Yay cute shop scenes ~

I thought long and hard about what kind of Job i could give Saeran, knowing that he is not very good with people, and probably wouldn't be good in most jobs that involve an active social setting- but, a job that involves being social, but also gives him space to breathe, would be ideal- and so I thought of modelling! Plus, Saeran is GORG so he could totally do it ~

Also thinking bout drawing Yoosung in the shirt I described hehehe

~Pixil-8


	37. Practice Shoot

Hello! So last chapter we met Kiara Junko, the scout for the modelling company she works at and she scouted Saeran~~ let's see if he likes it!

I do not own MM!

* * *

I wrung my hands together nervously in front of me, my leg jittering relentlessly, unable to stop the shakes that were quaking their way through my body- I gasped softly as a hand landed on my shoulder, and I turned, face to face with a concerned Yoosung.

"Saearn? Are you alright?"

I nodded slowly, swallowing the lump forming in my throat. I couldn't back out on this now, it wouldn't be fair.

"Yeah. I'm just.. A little nervous."

Yoosung smiled at me, rubbing my hand in his gently.

"That's completely natural. Don't beat yourself up for it, okay? This is just a practice session anyways!"

I nodded slowly, smiling softly at Yoosung's comfort. It still wasn't even decided as to whether or not I would actually be joining the company- today, I was an extra- something I was definitely okay with.

I flinched as the door to the office opened, my head snapping up to look in the direction of it, watching as Kiara came through the door, her black hair tied up into two buns on the top of her head.

"Saeran!" She smiled brightly as she walked over, reaching out to shake my hand, "So happy you decided to come for a practice shoot!"

I gingerly shook her hand, nodding slowly, unable to find words in my throat. She shook Yoosung's hand as well, smiling at him sweetly.

"Moral support?"

Yoosung beamed and nodded fervently- I couldn't help but feel a little more calm at the sight of how proud he was of himself for being able to support me. Kiara turned to me, setting some papers down on the desk, leaning back against it.

"So, today, since this is just a practice shoot so you can get a feel for things, we aren't gonna worry about paperwork or anything like that. For now, we're just gonna take you through the process of makeup, clothing, and a short photoshoot so you can see how things work and see if it's something you think, you'd be up to doing. Does that sound good?"

I nodded, forcing a small smile onto my face, looking back down at the ground slowly. She patted my shoulder gently, gesturing for me to follow her. I rose to my feet, tracing her footsteps out of the office, and down the hall. She opened a door, stepping aside so I could walk in. I peered inside, blinking to adjust my eyes to all the lights as I took a couple steps.

There were mirrors everywhere, counters and chairs underneath them all, bright light bulbs surrounding all the mirrors. A couple people were fussing around, going through makeup and hair styling- the room smelled like hairspray and foundation. I didn't hate it.

"Jean! Could you come here?"

A boy with blue hair sauntered over, his bright green eyes looking me over curiously.

"Is this the one you told me about?"

Kiara nodded, smiling at me. I tensed up on instinct as Jean looked me up and down, a contemplative finger on his chin, his eyes stern until suddenly he snapped his fingers, a bright grin on his face.

"Perfect! Even better than you described. Do you work out?"

"Uh- I... No?"

"Wow. Fantastic..." He leaned in closer, looking at my face, and I swallowed nervously, looking over at Kiara, who was quietly attempting to stifle her giggles.

"Okay Jean, Saeran's a little uncomfortable with invasion of personal space. Try to give him some time to get used to you first, okay?"

Jean backed off immediately, quickly bowing an apology. He walked over to a chair, patting it gently. I looked over my shoulder at Yoosung, who gave me an encouraging thumbs up, to which I responded with a small smile. I walked over to the chair, sitting down on it, staying still as Jean wrapped a cloth around my neck to protect my clothes.

"So, uh," I stared at Jean through the mirror as he played with my hair, "What are you going to do?"

Jean smiled as he began to tease the ends with a comb, his eyes sparkling, "I'm going to make you shine."

* * *

The day was over as quickly as it began- the process of going through hair and makeup, trying on different outfits, and the shoot, seemed to fly by in an instant. I was washing my face with a cloth as Kiara asked me how I felt about the whole process, and I couldn't help but smile a bit as I put the cloth down.

"Well.. It's different. But, I think I like it. It'll take me some time to get used to everybody, but, it... Today was.. Fun."

Kiara clapped her hands together excitedly, hugging me suddenly, and I stiffened, patting her back awkwardly. She moved back, her smile glowing in the lights of the makeup room.

"Oh, that's fantastic! So, since it's Friday, how about you come in early on Monday and we can go through the paperwork? Does that sound good?"

I smiled and nodded, and she clasped my hand in hers, her smile never leaving her face.

"Fantastic! I'll be your manager for all your modelling jobs. Do you have any preferences for shoots?"

I shook my head slowly, shrugging, "I've never done this before, so I'm up for anything really."

"Great! We have some smaller product shoots coming up that we were debating who to schedule in, but I think you'd be great for those. It's a good place to start. I think people are going to love you!"

I blushed softly, rubbing my neck gently, avoiding her gaze.

"M-maybe."

"I'm sure they will!" She turned to Yoosung, her eyes bright, "You think so too, right?"

Yoosung smiled softly at me, his eyes proud and content, "Well, he is beautiful."

I blushed harder, if that was even possible, hiding my face behind one of my hands. Kiara laughed loudly, patting Yoosung on the shoulder.

"You got yourself a sweetheart here, Saeran!"

I peered out through my fingertips, smiling at Yoosung as he grinned sheepishly at me.

"Yeah... I know."

* * *

And that's it for this chapter ~~ Sorry it took me a little bit to put up! The wifi at my house AND at work has been down, so I came to a starbucks to finish and post this xD

Hope you enjoyed it~

~Pixil-8


	38. Letter to the Choi Twins

Hey everybody! I don't really have much to note before I begin, so I'm just gonna get on with the chapter! :3

I do not own MM!

* * *

I laid out on the couch, lazily flipping through TV channels, nothing in particular striking any of my interest at all. I sighed heavily, shutting off the TV and laying back, closing my eyes.

I had a strange feeling deep inside me ever since I woke up, almost as though everything felt off. Nothing had gone particularly wrong to justify this feeling, so I have been attempting to distract myself all morning, straight through to the afternoon, now.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket, staring at the screen. I had texted Yoosung early in the morning, and had yet to receive a reply- he was in class until evening today, so I would have to be patient in waiting. I sighed again, dropping the phone at my side, staring idly at the roof.

The front door opened and closed, soft footsteps padding down he hall toward the living room.

"Saeran?"

"Yeah. Living room."

Saeyoung walked down the steps towards me, staring at an envelope quizzically in his hand. He looked up at me slowly, shaking it in my direction.

"There's mail for us."

I raised an eyebrow at him slowly, propping myself up on my elbows.

"…Us?"

Saeyoung looked back at the envelope, shrugging softly. I sat up on the couch, swinging my legs off the front so that they padded down onto the floor, Saeyoung soon filling the spot they left behind.

"It's weird, I know. But it has our names on it and everything."

"Well… Open it, I guess."

Saeyoung tore open the envelope, taking the letter out of it gingerly. He unfolded it, and as he did so, a smaller, rectangular piece of paper fell out of it, fluttering onto his lap. I squinted at it, leaning back in surprise, looking up at my brother in shock.

"Saeyoung… Is that…"

Saeyoung picked up the paper, his eyes wide, fear settling in below them.

"… It's a cheque."

I turned my attention to the letter, smoothing out the side closest to me, holding the left side in my hand, while Saeyoung held the other in his, my eyes racing over it, the pit in my stomach growing deeper each second that passed as I read.

 _Dear Saeyoung and Saeran Choi,_

 _I regret to inform you of the passing of your Mother. She was found dead in her home shortly over a week ago. Autopsy revealed it to be suicide by overdose on her antidepressants, mixed with excessive consumption of alcohol._

 _There were no other noted next of kin, and although she did not know your whereabouts, she left you both on her Will as the owners of her estate. You are free to do whatever you wish with the house, and the contents within it. The rest of her assets have been transferred into Saeyoung's savings account by my request._

 _As this is a sensitive matter due to the context behind all of this, I have enclosed a cheque inside to implore you to continue to keep quiet on your background. I have no wish to contact you further beyond this- This is not something that can be revealed to the media._

 _A copy of your Mother's Will, and the Deed to her house is enclosed._

 _Regards._

I read the letter over again, once more, and then a third time, before leaning back silently against the couch, my mouth hanging slack. Saeyoung stared at the paper, my expression mirrored on his face as he slowly turned towards me, his eyes a flurry of emotions at once.

He shook his head, removing his glasses from his face, rubbing his eyes harshly, his brows furrowed tightly.

"God…"

I didn't move- I couldn't move. My body felt cold, my head was empty and spinning all at the same time.

"I… I should feel happy. Or- Or relieved, right? But… I don't." My voice wavered as I spoke, unable to keep steady. Saeyoung set his glasses on the table, along with the letter and cheque, turning towards me, his expression written with confusion, anger, and pain all at once.

"I don't either."

I leaned forwards slightly, my arms wrapping around my stomach, my head shaking slowly. Saeyoung moved closer to me, his thigh pressed up against mine as he wrapped his arms around my torso, leaning his head over my own. I didn't make a move to escape- I just resigned to the touch, unable to register anything else, unable to think about anything else.

"It's… It's going to be okay." His voice was thin as he spoke, clearly feeling as conflicted as I did at the moment. I leaned my forehead on my hands for a moment, lingering in his embrace for a short while before sitting up, bringing him to release me as I stood.

"…I think.. I need to be alone."

Saeyoung looked up at me, his brows curled together in worry.

"Do you want me to call Yoosung?"

"No." I snapped without thinking- I brought a hand to the bridge of my nose, pinching it softly, letting out a harsh breath. "..No. I just… Need to think."

I walked away from the couch, heading into my bedroom, closing and locking the door softly behind me. I leaned against it for some time, unable to form any thoughts to be able to do anything else, until I finally gathered the strength to walk over to my bed, curling up on top of it.

I hugged a pillow to my chest tightly, my legs brought up on either side of it, wrapping myself around it as effectively as I could. I buried my face into it, letting out short breaths, trying to cause myself to feel something, anything other than the emptiness that was boring inside my chest.

After all the years of torture, and destruction my mother caused, I should be pleased, or at least relieved by the news of her death- or so I thought. I felt so many things- Confusion. Emptiness. Regret. Restlessness. Loneliness.

Not a single shred of relief.

I threaded my hands into my hair, grabbing fistfuls of it, closing my eyes tightly as my head began to spin, my stomach flipping harshly, my breathing becoming uneven. I rolled over, knocking the pillow off of the bed, biting hard at my lip in a desperate attempt to calm down.

The woman who did such awful things didn't deserve such a reaction out of me- I couldn't quite make sense of why I was even reacting this way. All rhyme or reason had left me at this point, it seemed, as my body began acting of its own accord. My mind continued to swirl, reality and my imagination blending together, unable to tell the difference between the two. I rolled over on to my stomach, pressing my face into my pillows, clutching them hard in my fists, screaming relentlessly into them, desperate, so desperate for it to stop.

It didn't stop.

* * *

That's it for this Chapter. I really wanted to write a chapter touching on what happened to their mom- I feel like it would be a big thing for both of them to overcome. Next chapter it will cover even more of this, so look forward to it.

As for "how did their father find them/their house/etc" - Personally, in my head, i have a personal Headcanon where their father kept tabs on them constantly, even if they didn't interact with them. He's a man in the head of Government, after all, so I imagine he has a lot of power. That's just my personal thoughts :3 So yeah, that's why/how, in case anybody questions on that.

~Pixil-8


	39. The House

Hey everyone! Last chapter the news of Saeyoung and Saeran's mother's death was passed on to them- this chapter is the next touch on that.

I do not own MM!

* * *

I rolled over slowly as I heard a knock on the door, my gaze lazily looking towards it. The light from the morning sun was draping in through the frosted windows, leaving a soft blue glow on everything around me.

"Saeran?"

I sat up slowly, rubbing my forehead softly, letting out a soft sigh.

"Yeah?"

"I called Yoosung."

I shot up from the bed, striding across the room to the door, whipping it open in one fluid motion, Saeyoung's face clearly surprised as his fist that had been resting on the door fell limp, having lost its support.

"Why?"

Saeyoung looked at me sadly- I noticed his eyes had dark circles under them. Clearly he hadn't slept well last night.

"Today we're gonna go to the house and clear it out so it can be sold. I thought it would be easier for you if he came with us."

I let out a slow breath through my nose, my instincts telling me to get angry, my brain screaming at me to get mad- but I refused. I closed my eyes tightly, focusing on my breathing until the anger washed away. I leaned against the doorframe, nodding slowly.

"…You're right.. Thanks."

Saeyoung gave me a forced smile, squeezing my shoulder softly, walking back to his room, presumably to make sure Jade was ready to go. I turned around, heading towards my closet, stripping myself of the clothes I had fallen asleep in last night. I pulled a clean singlet over my head, as well as a new pair of sweatpants, opting for a large hoodie to go above it all, if the windows were any indicator of how cold it was outside.

"Saeran? Are you going to be ready soon, or do you need a bit..?"

I looked back towards the door, Saeyoung staring at me, concern wavering through his eyes. I looked at the floor slowly, squeezing my arm with my hand.

"We're going to pick up Yoosung, right?"

"Yeah."

I nodded, shutting my closet and walking towards the door, shrugging at him gently.

"Let's go, then."

* * *

I didn't pay much attention to how long of a drive it was. Part of me felt bad that I couldn't bring myself to say anything at all to Yoosung, just staring idly out of the window, watching the trees and scenery flash by as we drove. He kept his hand laced into mine, his thumb silently running along my knuckles, his head nestled against my shoulder, knowing he didn't need to say anything at all, of which I was thankful.

My stomach lurched as we began to slow down, the disgustingly familiar scenery of the small town coming into view. I subconsciously brought my free hand to my chest, balling up my hoodie in my fist, clenching hard at it. I flinched as Yoosung's hand slid over it, and I turned to him. His eyes were sad and concerned, and I felt some of the anxious tension leave me as I stared into his lavender eyes. I sighed, leaning my forehead against his, closing my eyes, focusing on the warmth emanating from his body, the touch of his hands over mine.

The car came to a stop, and I looked back out the window, the pit of my stomach wider than it had ever been as I looked up at the house at which we had grown up- if you could call it growing up. I released Yoosung's hands, opening the door and getting out, my knees seeming to waver as I stood, my vision swaying as I stared at the house before me.

Yoosung was at my side in a second, one hand placed softly at the small of my back, the other supporting my chest. I looked at him shakily, his eyes wide and worried as he looked me over.

"Are you okay..? That seems like a dumb question, but I don't know what else to ask…"

I let out a soft laugh, shaking my head. I brought my hand up, lacing it into the one that was on my chest. I squeezed his hand reassuringly, bringing it down to my side.

"I'm… As okay as I can be," I looked back up at the house, watching as Saeyoung fiddled with the keys to the door, "There's a lot of… Awful memories here, as you probably remember from what I told you."

Yoosung nodded slowly, chewing his lower lip softly. I took a few steps towards the house, his footsteps following mine. Jade turned towards us as we approached them, a solemn look on her face. Saeyoung opened the door, looking back at us, his expression unreadable- other than the fact that he was my twin, and I knew that he was trying to hide just how disturbed and pained he was by this situation.

"Jade and I are going to check the first floor. Do you think you can look at the second?"

I nodded, dragging Yoosung behind me towards the stairs, willing myself to move forward. The stairs creaked beneath our feet as we walked, my heart pounding in my chest as I saw the door to our old bedroom. I reached for the handle, opening it slowly, my eyes scanning the room, sickness pooling in my stomach.

It looked so innocent. Two single beds, each one fit snugly in parallel corners of the room. A dresser at the very end, a round rug placed in the middle of the room. I dropped Yoosung's hand, stepping forward without thinking, my fingers tracing the frame of my old bed, my hands shaking as I did so, memories flashing behind my eyes, emotions ripping through my body.

I could feel Yoosung's eyes watching me from the door, unsure of what to do in this situation. I closed my eyes tightly, gripping the bed frame.

"I sat here for two days without moving once… Because I was scared."

Yoosung took a few steps towards me, staying silent as he did so. I opened my eyes, continuing to stare at the bed.

"She tied me up by the leg and I stayed here… That was after Saeyoung disappeared. I still remember trying to be as quiet as I could so she wouldn't come hit me."

Yoosung slid his arms around my waist from behind- it wasn't until he did this that I noticed my body was quaking.

"You'll never go through that again."

Tears stung the back of my eyes as he nuzzled his face into my back. I let go of the bed frame, resting my hand over his arm, my lip quivering as I spoke.

"I always… I always hoped I would die. I always wanted that. I kept wondering, that if there was a God, why was he letting me- letting us- get tortured so much." My breath caught in my throat, my knees buckling under me, causing me to kneel on the floor, Yoosung collapsing with me, his hold on my waist never faltering as sobs began to reap through my body. I hit the bed frame with my fist softly, shaking my head as tears fell down my cheeks.

"We were just kids," I hit the bed frame harder this time, my eyes closed tightly as I shook my head, "We were _just kids_..!"

Yoosung grabbed my wrists, turning me away from the bed frame, forcing me to face him. He pulled me towards his body, his arms returning to their place around my waist, my head buried into his neck. I gripped his shirt tightly, my tears making his sweater damp as I cried.

"That's… Why I'm terrified of being an uncle. I was treated like trash… I don't know how a child gets treated well- I'm so scared I won't be able to do it… What if… What if I end up like my mom..? What if I'm as bad as her?"

Yoosung grabbed me by the shoulders, his eyes stern as he looked at me.

"No. You are nothing like that. You are wonderful, and kind, and you could never do the things she did."

I pushed his hands off of me, frustration and anger bubbling up inside me.

"Yoosung, I _killed_ someone! I'm a fucking murderer! And you really don't think I can't do that?! You really think that I'm not capable of anything like-" I was cut off suddenly as Yoosung slapped me across the face, my body stunned by the sudden move. I brought my hand to my cheek slowly, turning back to him, my eyes wide with shock.

"Listen to me!" He softly placed his hand over mine on my face, his eyes apologetic, but still sincere as he pressed on.

"You are not like that. You are a beautiful person. You have a big heart- you're going to be an amazing uncle, and even an amazing father someday."

I felt heat rise to my cheeks- this time not from the burning sensation where he had hit me.

"F-Father?"

Yoosung moved closer to me, nodding slowly, a soft smile on his face as he ran his thumb over my hand.

"Yes. Father. With me."

I let out a slow breath, my hand dropping from my face and to my side. My head started to drop, but he tilted it back up by my chin, forcing me to continue looking at him.

"Yoosung…"

"I mean it, okay?" He brushed some of my hair out of my eyes, kissing my forehead softly, "I mean it. We will get through everything- this, you being an uncle, your job, and anything else that comes our way, together. I am never leaving you. I will be here for you no matter what."

I reached out my arms, wrapping them around his chest, pulling him against me. His arms automatically came to wrap around my shoulders, rubbing slow circles between my shoulder blades as I sighed against his neck.

"Thank you… God, what would I do without you?"

He smiled into my hair, nuzzling it softly with his face.

"You'll never have to know. You're stuck with me, got it?" He poked me playfully in the sides, and I couldn't stop the giggle that forced its way out of my mouth. We both froze as I did so, my hand coming up to cover my mouth as he leaned back to look at me, a devilish smile on his face.

"Are you… Ticklish?"

"….No."

"Saeran."

I backed away slowly, his eyes mischievous as he crawled after me.

"No!"

"Saeraaaan!" He lunged for me, and I flipped over, scampering away as best I could, bolting down the hallway.

"NO!"

He laughed as he chased after me, his footsteps pounding down behind me as he desperately tried to catch me. I tripped and fell, Yoosung stumbling on top of me, relentlessly attacking my sides with his fingers, tears forming in the corners of my eyes as I laughed, unable to control myself.

Saeyoung came running up the stairs, his eyes wide in confusion as he held on to the bannister.

"What the HECK are you guys-" He stared at the scene before him for a moment before sighing softly, letting out a soft laugh. "Doing."

I desperately tried to wriggle free from Yoosung's grip- he may be small but he knew how to hold somebody down. I looked over at Saeyoung, smacking the floor in an attempt to get his attention.

"Sa- Saaahah- help- Help! Ah, ha haha-"

Saeyoung smirked as Yoosung continued to tickle me, my body writhing under his attack.

"Nah, this is quality entertainment. I never thought I'd get to see Yoosung pin my brother down."

Yoosung froze, his face flushing bright red.

"Saeyoung-!"

I used this as my chance to escape, sliding out from Yoosung's grip, hopping over the banister and down the stairs.

"Wha- Saeran!"

"Can't tickle me if you can't catch me!"

I could hear both Saeyoung and Yoosung bounding after me as I ran.

"Want me to hold him down while you get him?"

"Worst brother alive!"

Saeyoung's laughter resonated through the house as I continued to run, unable to hold back the smile on my face as I did so. It seemed, with Yoosung there to bring me to my senses, the possibility of making a happy memory in a place so bleak as this, was a reality.

* * *

And that's it for chapter 39! I really wanted to touch on this. I feel like it would be an essential part of Saeran's recovery from himself, to address the past of what he grew up with, and come to terms with it. He's still not 100% there, but with Yoosung's support, things have a bright light in the end. Our sweet lil ball of sunshine ;0;

~Pixil-8


	40. Minty Yoosung

Hello again! Currently since the wifi is down at my house, I've just been typing up these chapters back to back since I don't have anything else to do (or can do) right now. So, there's nothing new for me to say at the moment, other than I hope you're all still enjoying the story :3

I do not own MM!

* * *

"Saeran," Yoosung whined loudly, his head hanging upside down off the edge of my bed as he stared at me, sitting at my desk, "What am I supposed to wear for this costume party coming up?"

I shrugged slowly, checking the timer on my phone, standing up to leave the room to check on the cookies I was baking. Yoosung flipped over on the bed, waving his hand after me.

"Saeran! Can I look at your closet? I know you have some cool stuff! I dress really plain, so maybe there's something that could pass as a costume."

I smiled softly, shrugging, gesturing towards the closet.

"Knock yourself out."

I left the room, turning down the hall towards the kitchen. I turned the corner, stopping just before the oven. I pulled the oven mitts from the drawer, sliding them onto my hands as I opened the oven. just a crack to let the heat out. I opened it fully, reaching inside and pulling out the tray, setting it back on top of the stove, shutting the oven door, turning the heat off.

I looked over the cookies, a small twinge of pride flicking through me as I looked at how they were all evenly-sized and fluffy. Yoosung had helped me place them this time, and I felt warmth pool in my stomach at how much he was improving. He had insisted on helping me every time I baked now, and the difference was really beginning to show- though now, we avoided having play fights with the ingredients. It turns out egg and flour isn't the best to try and wash out of your hair.

I laughed to myself as I walked back to the bedroom, stepping inside the door, lifting my head slowly.

"Yoosung, the cookies are-" I froze as I finished looking up, my eyes falling upon Yoosung, who was standing in front of my closet, my breath hitching as I saw what he was wearing,"…done."

I blinked slowly as I registered the fact that Yoosung was wearing the clothes I had worn when I was in Mint Eye, the sweater hanging lazily off of his arms, the dark red singlet bold in contrast to his pale form.

"Yoosung, why are you- What-"

Yoosung blushed, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

"Well, you said I could look through your clothes, and I noticed that these were all on the same hanger, and it's completely different from how I dress, so I was curious how it would look…"

I nodded slowly, swallowing the thick ball that seemed to have formed in my throat. I couldn't take my eyes off of the curve of his shoulder that the sweater revealed as it hung off of his arms, the dip of his collarbones where the lacings of the singlet tied together.

Without thinking I slammed the door shut behind me, my eyes never leaving his form. He jumped a bit as the door shut, his eyes wide with surprise.

"S-Saeran?"

"Yoosung." I stepped towards him slowly, my body and mind moving of their own accord, my head hazy as I looked at him, equal parts perturbed seeing him in those close, and equal parts, for some unknown reason, very, _very_ aroused.

"Saeran what-"

I ran my hands up his arms slowly, my eyes half lidded as I looked at him.

"You're just being unfair."

"I- Unfair?"

"Yes," I tilted his head up by his chin, holding it firmly between my fingers, smiling down at him, "Looking so good in that isn't fair."

Yoosung visibly swallowed, his eyes wide.

"D-do I?"

I slid my hands down over his waist, trailing slowly along his hips, before finally resting over his ass, squeezing hard. He squeaked as I pressed his chest against mine, a blush prominent on his cheeks.

"Yes, you do." I whispered softly against his ear, his body shuddering against mine, his hands shakily placed on my shoulders.

"W-Well, I'm glad you think that I'm-"

I bit his ear softly, cutting him halfway through his sentence, smiling wickedly before I spoke.

"I think you look delectable."

I pushed him down onto the bed, crawling over him, attaching my lips to his, my tongue running along his lower lip. He whimpered into my mouth, his hands resting softly on my shoulders as I slid my own into his hair. I pulled back slowly, just enough to look into his eyes, reality seeming to shoot back into place as I registered the fear in his eyes.

"…Shit." I shot back, stumbling backwards off of the bed, realization coming over me, "Shit, Yoosung- I'm so sorry, I just-"

"Saeran!" Yoosung cut me off, sitting up, moving towards me slowly, placing a hand on my wrist gently, a small smile on his face, "It's okay.. I liked it, I just… I wasn't prepared. You caught me off guard."

I smiled sheepishly, looking at the floor awkwardly, still feeling quite guilty about the fear I saw in his eyes. He placed a hand on my cheek, rubbing it softly, leaning in and placing a soft kiss on my lips. I sighed into the kiss, his tongue darting out to run along my lower lip, his breath hot against my mouth. He pulled back to lean his forehead against mine, a shy smile on his face.

"Maybe later you can um- taste me. Since I look so delectable, and all."

I laughed softly, wrapping my arms around his waist, kissing his nose.

"Cookies and dessert?"

He smacked my hand, his smile betraying him as he laughed, shaking his head. He grabbed my hand, pulling me behind him towards the kitchen.

"Let's worry about the cookies for now. Other things can wait til later."

* * *

That's all for Chapter 40 ~~ I dunno I've always had the thought in my head that Saeran would have a mixed reaction of arousal and confusion if he saw Yoosung in his mint eye outfit, and I wanted to add it in somehow~

~Pixil-8


	41. Leon

Hello! I'm sorry I've taken a bit longer to update than usual. I've been dealing with some personal issues that needed to be resolved, and was building up my sense of inspiration by writing prompts on tumblr unrelated to Silver Lining. But now I'm back and ready to go!

I do not own MM!

* * *

I kept my eyes closed as Jean dusted my face with powder, smoothing out my features. I stayed perfectly still as he worked through the process of doing my full makeup, my ears fixated on the sound of Kiara's voice as she rattled on about today's schedule.

"So, today, it's going to be a dual-shoot."

"Dual?"

"You're going to be working with another model."

I swallowed a bit, tilting my chin up as Jean lifted it to get a better angle to do my eyeliner.

"Oh?"

"Yeah! Don't worry too much though- The person you're going to be working with today is really nice. Do you think you'll be okay?"

I let out a soft breath, opening my eyes as Jean said it was alright to do so, gazing back at myself solemnly as I stared at the glittering smokey eye enhancing the mint-green of my irises. I resisted the urge to chew my lip, opting instead to nod slowly.

"..Yeah."

Kiara smiled patiently, nodding her head in approval as she looked over my makeup.

"Anytime, you feel uncomfortable just let us know, and we can take a break, okay?" She leaned back, making a note on her clipboard, "Jean, I'm going to order more of the glitter shadows for Saeran. They're perfect for his facial shape, we should use them more."

Jean grinned, clasping his hands together.

"Yes! If there's one thing I'm always ready for, it's glitter."

I laughed softly as Kiara made her way to the door, giving a small wave.

"I'm going to go check and make sure your outfits for today are in order. Come to the clothing trailer when you're done, okay?"

"Okay."

I watched her leave, my peripherals catching Jean fussing over lip shades in the back of the room. I turned back to the mirror, admiring the makeup already on my face, impressed by how bold it looked, but still how natural it looked for me all the same. Jean came back to my side, tilting my chin up, brushing the brown shade onto my lips, a look of satisfaction on his face as he finished.

"Alright babe, you're good to go! Go on over to the clothing trailer, I'll see you later for cleanup!"

I smiled weakly, getting up and heading out of the trailer, down the steps and around the corner. I almost tripped as I nearly slammed into someone, awkwardly side-stepping out of the way, my hands up in a sheepish apology.

"S-Sorry, I wasn't paying attention.."

"That's okay. You must be Saeran."

I finally looked up at the person I had run into, and came face-to-face with a young man, one who would be considered undoubtedly handsome in most anyone's terms. His eyes were a dazzling shade of almost icy green, slivers of blue tracing inside them, like icicles dangling from a tree. His hair was black, with a white streak in the front, shining brightly in the light. His smile was charming and bright, his body lanky but toned.

Perfect to be a model, I suppose.

"Uh, Yeah."

"I'm your partner for the shoot today," He held his hand out to me, blinking slowly through his dark lashes, "Nice to meet you."

I gingerly shook his hand, giving a small nod.

"Kiara told me about you."

He smiled widely, his eyes glittering through his gaze.

"She didn't tell me you were even more attractive in person," He trailed his gaze over my frame, his lips never breaking from his curious smile, "You really are beautiful."

"In person..?"

"Yeah! I've seen your other shoots for ads. You've only been in the scene for a month, and you're causing quite a stir," He took a step forward, and I froze- the air felt tense, and I was afraid to move, "I'm pretty jealous honestly."

"S-Sorry."

He laughed, shaking his head, placing a soft hand on my shoulder.

"No need to apologize! It just means you're a natural. I'm excited to work with you." He gave me a small wink, pressing a soft squeeze into my shoulder before walking away. I watched him go, dumbfounded, eventually turning on my heel, continuing tracing the path to the clothing trailer.

I opened the door, looking up at Kiara as she was pulling a rolling clothes rack, smiling brightly towards me.

"Got held up in makeup?

"No... Ran into the other guy."

"Oh! Leon?"

I shrugged slowly, walking over to the clothing rack, standing next to her.

"I don't know. He didn't tell me his name."

She giggled, shaking her head as she sighed.

"That would be Leon. What do you think of him?"

"He's... Interesting."

She placed a hand on my shoulder- a different feeling from when Leon's was there moments before- a touch of sincerity, rather than a touch of something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"If he seemed like he was flirting, don't worry about it. He's overly friendly with everyone, it's just how he is."

I nodded, looking as she presented me with a hanger, grinning widely at me.

"Great, well these are the outfits for today. This is the one we are gonna use first, so feel free to put it on! I'll go talk to the camera guys and make sure everything is ready there. See you on set!"

I nodded as she left, the door closing behind her softly, leaving me alone. I stared at the outfit, looping it overtop a chair as I pulled my current shirt off gently, avoiding my makeup. I felt a strange, thick feeling in my chest as I thought about the shoot with Leon. I couldn't explain the feeling I got from him- uncomfortable? Uncertain? Anxious? I didn't know.

I blinked as my phone went off, that familiar chime of Yoosung's text tone echoing through my ears. I pulled it out of my pocket, opening the message.

 _"Was just thinking of you! Class is super boring today. D: Hope you have a good day at work! *MUAH*"_

I blushed, a small smile creeping onto my lips as I felt my previous tension washing away, my body relaxing as I replied.

 _"Thanks. Sorry to hear it's boring. Want me to come over after work?"_

I placed my phone on the counter, slipping on the silver tank top of the ensemble, a black cardigan with half- lace sleeves going over top. I adjusted them in the mirror, waiting until my phone went off again, eagerly checking the response.

 _"Yes! Please do! We can cuddle and watch movies. You can pet my hair and comfort me~"_

I laughed to myself, unable to stop the smile growing farther on my lips- he always had this effect on me, making everything seem okay at any moment.

 _"Sounds good."_

I turned off the ringer, placing it back on the counter as I pulled on the grey skinnies, which had large, expertly-torn holes at the knees. I added the accessories provided, admiring myself in the mirror for a moment, making a mental note to ask if I could keep this outfit, or at least get a list of where the clothes came from.

I made my way out of the trailer, walking towards the set, my heart far too happy to feel bothered at all as Leon smiled at me.

"Ready to go?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

* * *

 **Later that evening...**

I leaned back against the headboard, Yoosung's chest nestled against mine, his head curled snugly just below my chin, my arms resting softly on the middle of his back, drawing slow, lazy lines along his spine.

"...And the professor was just really strict today- I mean, well, they're usually pretty tough- but today was a lot worse, and we were all really confused, but then we found out their rabbit died, so it makes sense that they were in a bad mood..."

I nodded idly, only half-hearing what Yoosung was talking about- he noticed this, shifting his position to look up at me.

"You okay?"

"Hm? Yeah."

He looked at me contemplatively, as though he was trying to read my expressions.

"You sure..? You're being quiet."

I smiled a bit, a single eyebrow raised.

"I'm always quiet."

He laughed, shaking his head.

"Okay, yeah- but this is a different kind of quiet. Like a you-have-something-on-your-mind, kind of quiet."

I looked out the window for a moment, gazing at the shine of the moon coming in through the glass.

"I guess you're right."

"What's up? You can talk to me, my love." Yoosung leaned down, nuzzling my neck with his cheek, and I smiled, a warm, comfortable happiness pooling inside my chest. I wrapped my arms around him tighter, pulling him up so I could kiss his ear softly.

"Actually... I'm fine. Just seeing you makes me feel better."

I felt Yoosung's cheeks curl up into a grin, his breath dancing along the curve of my neck.

"Do I have a healing aura?"

I nodded, kissing his ear again, trailing my hands over his waist tenderly.

"Yep."

"Maybe I should get you some crystals. I hear those have healing energy."

"I just need you."

He giggled, lifting his head to look into my eyes directly, his lavender orbs glowing with love and contentment.

"Saeran, you're adorable."

I pressed my forehead against his, sliding one of my hands into his silky hair, revelling in the feel of it caressing my fingertips.

"It feels so right when you say it..."

"Hmm? What do you mean?" He spoke softly, peppering soft kisses over my lips, and I smiled, laughing gently.

"It's nothing," I tilted his chin, holding his gaze, my heart soaring as he grinned at me, "I love you."

"I love you too." He whispered softly as our lips came together, mingling in a wistful meeting, his hands trailing my shoulders with a caress kinder than the gentlest of touches.

Yoosung was the beauty inside my bones, the light inside my soul. Any other beauty I have, is nothing if he is not there.

* * *

That's it for this chapter!

I'm gonna try and write the next one right away! We're getting pretty close to the end of SL guys! I'm pretty sad about it actually...

~Pixil-8


	42. Reassurance

Hey! Alright, time to bring in chapter 42! God I can't believe there's 42 chapters. I started this story almost exactly a month ago. Got pretty invested xD I hope you guys have enjoyed it as much as i've loved writing it!

I do not own MM!

* * *

I looked over the set, my head pounding with frustration as I sighed, pulling out my phone, walking over to the side. I dialled Yoosung's number, holding the device to my ear, tapping my foot impatiently.

"Hello?"

"Yoosung," I sighed softly, shaking my head as I watched Kiara arguing with the cameramen, "I'm so sorry, we're getting held up in the shoot, again... I'm going to be later than usual."

"Oh," His voice was small as he replied, and I felt my heart sink into my stomach, "Uh... That's okay. That's fine."

"Yoosung-"

"It's fine! It's work, right?" I could hear the fake acceptance in his tone, the weariness riding just beneath his facade, "Have a fun day!"

"Yoosung-!" He cut me off, hanging up the call, the dial tone ringing ominously in my ears. I stared at my phone for a second before locking it placing it back in my pocket.

"Everything okay with your boyfriend?"

I looked up, seeing Leon walking slowly towards me, probably to escape the feud happening on set. I looked at the ground, sighing softly.

"I think he's mad that we have to stay late."

Leon nodded, looking back at the set, a tired expression on his face.

"Yeah, we have been behind almost every day for two weeks now."

I nodded slowly, pulling my phone back out and staring at it again, a sad hope that Yoosung would text me and assure me he was fine crawling through me. Leon patted my shoulder softly, causing me to flinch in surprise.

"I'm sure he'll get over it. Maybe go pay him a visit anyways when you're done and talk to him. I'm sure he'll forgive you," The understanding on his face was quickly coupled with a coy smile, his lashes lowering slightly, "He'd better. After all, lots of people have their eyes on you now that you're a model."

He sauntered away, leaving me clutching my phone tightly in my palm, my skin feeling dirty where his hand had sat. I looked at my phone, uneasiness quivering through me as I looked at the lock screen- a photo of Yoosung and I, his smile bright, my cheeks slightly flushed as I looked away from the camera.

I don't care if everyone in the world is looking at me- I only want Yoosung.

* * *

It was nearly 9:30 pm when we finished. I hopped in a taxi, heading to Yoosung's apartment- I called his phone, quickly receiving voicemail, indicating he had left his phone off. I sat on the steps to the apartment building, warming my hands between my thighs, leaning pathetically against the wall, praying he would turn up.

After what seemed like an eternity, I heard footsteps- I turned my gaze, my breath hitching as I saw Yoosung freeze as he neared me, his hair falling in his face, rustling softly in the breeze, surprise and confusion etched onto his face.

"Why did you come..?"

I stood up slowly, shaking my hands in an attempt to warm them.

"You sounded mad."

Yoosung looked away, his shoulders falling.

"..I'm not."

I stepped towards him, tightening his scarf around his neck softly.

"You're lying."

He waved my hands away, his brows curling together in frustration.

"Whatever!"

I stared at him, pain agitating my heart, causing my body to feel weak.

"Yoosung, is this because I had to be late..?"

He said nothing as he walked by me, opening the apartment door. I followed him silently, trailing his footsteps into his own apartment, shutting the door behind me. I left my shoes in the doorway, continuing to follow him, coming to his room. As soon as I stepped through the door, I gasped in surprise as an open magazine was thrusted towards me, causing me to fumble with it for a moment before looking at it clearly.

It was my 2-page photo spread from my first shoot with Leon- our pictures took up the two pages, sitting back-to-back, our faces turned ever so slightly towards the cameras.

"My photoshoot with Leon..?"

Yoosung glared, crossing his arms.

"Yes, your photoshoot with _Leon."_ There was malice in his voice as he spat out Leon's name, his fingers twitching on his arms.

"But, why do you sound angry...?"

"Because," He waved his hand in the air in a swirling motion, his gaze fixated on the wall just behind me, afraid to meet my eyes, "You've been working late, and always stay behind, and I'm scared I'm going to hear less from you, and then I see _that-"_

"Yoosung," I put the magazine down, stepping tentatively towards him, "I don't understand what's wrong-"

He raised his hands, stopping me in my tracks, tears streaming down his cheeks now, his teeth gritted painfully, his eyebrows quivering as he cried.

"Cause he's so handsome, right?" He gasped, his face turning pink as his cries trembled through his body, looking like a wilted flower, "You'd probably have a lot of fun spending time with him, and get bored of me-"

"Yoosung what-"

"And he's probably more interesting than I am too, right?!" He ignored my voice, his head too far gone, his brain running wild, "I read all about him in that magazine interview, he's in his own _fucking_ band and everything, and i'm just a college student who plays video games all the damn time, and how am I supposed to _compete_ with that-"

I shook my head, grabbing his wrists, forcing him to look at me, frustration flashing through me.

"Yoosung, what the hell are you talking about?!"

He pushed me down to the bed, my back falling against it hard, his small frame pinning my arms at my sides, his tears falling on my face as he looked down at me, his voice breaking as he cried out.

"I'm insecure, _okay?!_ " He closed his eyes tightly, shaking his head in a listless motion, "I'm scared, I'm _terrified-_ He seems so cool, and interesting, and attractive, and I am _none of those things,_ and I'm scared I'm going to lose you!"

I blinked slowly up at him, my eye twitching as his tears fell on my brow. I wiggled my arms from his now-weakened grip, looping them around his chest, bringing him down against me, holding him in my embrace, sliding a hand into his hair, massaging his nape softly.

"That will never happen." I whispered against his neck, and he shivered, a tender gasp falling from his lips through his sobs.

"How do you know..?"

"Because I love you."

"But what if you stop-"

"I won't."

"But-"

"No."

Yoosung relented, burying his face into my neck, letting out his tears, clutching desperately at my shirt. I continued stroking his hair, my other arm holding him firmly against my body, nuzzling my face against his neck.

"I'm... I'm sorry..."

I shook my head slowly, squeezing his waist.

"You don't have to apologize."

"No, you've done nothing to make me doubt you like this..."

"Yoosung," I pushed him up gently so he could look me in the eye, smiling softly up at him, "You don't need to apologize for doubt... It's normal to be scared. I know that better than anyone."

He nodded slowly, his lip quivering, tears still escaping just beneath his eyelids. I brought my thumbs to his cheeks, softly wiping them away.

"Leon is just someone I work with. I only talk to him during shoots. He's, nice, in a way I guess, but he's really overbearing and makes me uncomfortable for the most part. Every time I work with him I just think about how much I want to be with you. It's the only thing that helps me get through the shoots. And," I smiled softly, pointing at the magazine spread, "I had them make sure the charm of our matching bracelets was showing in that shoot. Did you even read my section of the article?"

Yoosung looked away sheepishly, hiding behind his bangs.

"N-No..."

I sat up, pulling him into my lap, kissing his cheek gently, his head falling against my neck.

"It was a Q&A for upcoming models. They asked us a lot of questions, and one was about relationships, and I mentioned you," I tilted his chin, looking him in the eye, "My boyfriend."

He hiccuped, his watery gaze looking away from mine in embarrassment, his arm coming up to wipe at his tears.

"I just feel so.. So inadequate, sometimes..."

I placed my hands on his jaw, cupping it softly, nuzzling my nose against his.

"You're more than adequate."

He sniffled, his lavender eyes hopeful as they looked into mine.

"Really?"

I kissed his lips softly, smiling at him serenely.

"The adequatest."

He giggled, shaking his head softly.

"That's not a word."

"It is now."

"That's not how that works."

I kissed his lips again, happiness filling my insides as his smile returned to his lips.

"It does for me."

"Saeran," He sighed softly, running his hand tenderly along my chest, fingertips brushing over my collarbones, "You're being ridiculous."

"But it made you smile."

He was grinning now, his bangs dusting along pink cheeks, his purple eyes twinkling as he slid his hands over my neck.

"Yeah," He pressed his forehead to mine, closing his eyes, letting out a gentle breath, "It did."

* * *

That's it for this chapter! This fic is mainly about how Yoosung helped Saeran recover- but I know that our boy Yoosung is pretty insecure and that Saeran would definitely help him through that, just as much as Yoosung helps Saeran through his own self hatred and that's one of the many reasons I love these two ahhahHAHAHAHAHHHHH ok

~Pixil-8


	43. Weekend Getaway

Hello :3 So I'm just gonna throw a warning here for the chapter ahead- this chapter is going to contain smut/nsfw scenes. (: You have been warned.

I do not own MM.

* * *

I slipped on my jacket, pulling my bag over my shoulder. Saeyoung smiled at me, nodding as I straightened myself out, flattening out my collar.

"You all ready?"

"Yeah," I flipped the cuffs of my jacket, giving myself one last look in the mirror before turning back to him, "The preparations have all been made, and we already hacked to make sure he didn't have any tests coming up or anything, so he should be free."

Saeyoung leaned agains the wall, a thoughtful smile on his face.

"So is this supposed to be an early Christmas gift?"

I blushed, a small smile on my lips as I walked towards the door.

"You could say that." I opened the door, waving over my shoulder as I walked out.

"Don't have too much fun!~"

"Shut up."

* * *

I knocked on Yoosung's apartment door- he had recently given me a key to the building. He felt bad after I sat outside waiting for him for hours two weeks ago, so he had one made for me so we wouldn't have to worry about that again. I smiled as he opened the door, his eyes sleepy.

"Saeran?"

"Hi you."

"What are you-"

I cut him off, bringing a finger to his lips, smiling down at him.

"So, you free this weekend?"

He nodded, blinking up at me with a dumbfounded expression.

"Pack a bag. Enough clothes to last a weekend."

His expression molded into that of confusion, tilting his head to the side, "But why-"

I stepped closer to him, so much so that my breath ghosted over his lips dangerously close, my fingers coming up to brush his bangs out of his eyes, a soft blush on his cheeks at the sudden proximity.

"Because I want to remind you just how special you are to me."

His blush grew deeper, his eyes sparkling. I patted his cheek softly, nudging his nose with mine.

"Now go pack a bag."

* * *

We got on the bus roughly a half hour after I picked him up- the bus ride was four hours long, and it was early in the morning, and so he fell asleep on my shoulder adorably, his slim fingers laced into my hand, his eyes dancing beneath his eyelids as he dreamed.

I shook him awake gently as the bus came to a stop, guiding him behind me as we walked up the path, his eyes growing wide with excitement as he saw our destination.

We were at a lodge in a woodsy area, one that was famous for its hot springs. He looked around in bewilderment as I checked us in, leading him to our lodge for the weekend. His eyes scoured the area, stepping inside the cabin-like building, jumping around in his ecstasy as he took everything in.

"Saeran!" He pointed outside, his eyes as bright as the moon on a clear night, "There's a hot springs right outside our room! And this room, it's gigantic!" He gushed, his face flushed with happiness. I smiled, taking slow steps towards him, sliding my hand into his, giving it a soft squeeze.

"And it's all ours for the weekend."

He gazed up at me, his expression shy now, a small smile on his lips.

"You did this for me? You didn't have to-"

"I did," I whispered, bringing my hands to cup his jaw tenderly, "I really did. Yoosung, you are my special person- and I will do anything to remind you what that means."

His blush twinkled on his cheeks, his lips curling into a wide grin as he hugged me, burying his face into my chest. I kissed the top of his head softly, pulling back a bit, rubbing his shoulders tenderly.

"Want to go for a walk around the woods?"

* * *

We followed the paths for some time, laughing at ourselves as we opted to not wear gloves on our hands closest to one another, instead freezing our hands together, holding them tightly. We talked about everything and nothing at all as we went at a leisurely pace, just appreciating the beauty of the snow around us, and the serenity of the trees.

After we got back, we opted to warm up in the private hot springs just outside, a perfect view of the moon and stars clear above us, illuminating everything with a beautiful glow. I slipped down behind him, running my hands up his back softly, smoothing them along his shoulders, massaging my thumbs in between his shoulder blades.

He relaxed into my touch, his eyes fluttering closed, a serene smile on his lips. I kissed the back of his neck, my lips hovering there.

"You look so beautiful in the moonlight, Yoosung."

He blushed, shyly bringing his arms up in an attempt to cover his chest. I pulled his back against my front, stopping him from hiding himself.

"Don't hide from me."

"But, Saeran-"

"No buts," I kissed down along his neck, sucking softly just below his ear, "You're perfect."

He sighed involuntarily, craning his neck to give me more access as though on instinct. I bit down softly at the skin there, revelling in his soft vocalizations of approval.

"You were jealous, right?" I ran my hands up along his stomach in the water, trailing slowly over his nipples, my body pulsing as he arched his back, "You didn't like seeing another guy standing near me?"

His eyes flashed with an expression I had never seen in them, his mouth hanging open slightly as he panted.

"I don't like seeing anyone near you."

I nibbled at his earlobe, pulling at it with my teeth, his body quivering as I did so.

"You don't, huh?"

"No, I don't..." His voice was husky and ragged, his chest rising and falling with uneven breaths.

"What are you going to do about it?"

"H-huh?"

"Don't you want to," I paused, licking a slow stripe up his neck, a moan he couldn't control falling from his lips, "prove your ownership over me?"

He shivered before me, his face flushed, his lip quivering as his resolve was close to snapping.

"Saeran..."

"Well don't you?" I dragged my nails down his sides, his head falling back as he hissed through his teeth, "Don't you want to remind me who owns me?"

I gasped as he flipped around, crashing his lips onto mine, his tongue hungrily finding its way inside my mouth. He slid his hand into my hair as he pulled back, his eyes dark as he gazed at me.

"Of course I do. I don't want anyone else touching you," His eyes trailed down along my body, his nails pressing into my scalp, "I want you to only look at me."

I leaned in close, my breath teasing his lips.

"And what are you going to do about it?" I spoke slowly, a challenge in my voice, waiting for him to take the bait.

I gasped as he suddenly grasped my hair tightly, forcing my head back, his eyes leering down at me, a wicked smile of arousal on his lips.

"I'm going to make sure you don't remember anyone else's name- including your own."

He took the bait.

He dragged me out of the hot springs, throwing a towel down onto the bed before shoving me unceremoniously down onto it. He crawled over me, kissing me with fervor, his demeanour completely different than usual. I tried to bring my arms up around him, but he grabbed my wrists, shoving them back down above me, staring down at me, a warning glistening in his eyes.

"You don't touch me."

My body throbbed as he held my wrists above my head in one hand, kissing and licking down my neck, biting hard at my nipples. I cried out, my back arching at the rough contact, the heat between my legs growing stronger by the second. He came back up, sucking a dark mark onto my collarbones. I whimpered softly, my body writhing beneath him.

"Hmm?" He looked up at me, his gaze playful beneath the sense of domineering aura emanating from him, "What do you want?"

"Yoosung, please-" I bucked my hips upwards slowly, his smile curling even more as I did so.

"Please what?"

"I need more-" He squeezed my wrists hard, leaning in close, biting harshly at my lower lip, pulling at it roughly.

"More of what? You have to be specific, _Saeran._ "

"You, _fuck,_ " My voice was absolutely wanton, my chest heaving as his gaze pierced through me, "I need more of you."

He tilted his head, the sadistic darkness never leaving his expression as he neared me.

"What _exactly_ do you want me to do to you?"

I didn't respond, my breathing coming out in heavy pants, my vision blurring as my body pulsed. He gripped my jaw in his hand, looking me directly in the eye.

"Hmm?"

I moaned, my eyes fluttering back as I spoke, "I want you to fuck me so hard I can't remember anything."

He released my wrists immediately, flipping me around with ease- considering how small he was, he was surprisingly strong. He pulled my hips so that my ass was raised, his hands running over my cheeks slowly, squeezing them in his hands, causing me to whimper softly.

"Did you bring lube?"

"Yes," I gestured towards the bag next to the bedside table, "Front pocket of my bag."

He grabbed it quickly, returning behind me in an instant, moaning softly as he looked me over, my face buried into the sheets below me, my ass presented for him.

"You look so dirty like this, Saeran," He poured the lube onto his fingers, circling one around my entrance, my hips stuttering slightly in response, "It's even dirtier when I remember how you told me you've done this to yourself," His smile grew wider, his eyes darkening even more, "So I guess that means I can speed things up."

He pressed two fingers inside, my eyes blowing wide, a loud moan forcing its way out of my mouth, my shoulders shuddering with pleasure as I pushed back against the contact.

"Oh, so eager..." He leaned in close, his voice completely different than any other time we had been intimate- this was a side of Yoosung that was possessive, desperate to show how I was his, and his alone. He whispered into my ear as he thrusted his fingers inside me slowly, his lips brushing along my earlobe, "You don't think of anybody else doing this to you, right?"

"No," My voice was breathy, my head hazy as he kissed my ear, "Never."

"Hmm," He licked at my ear, thrusting faster with his fingers, "honestly, I don't even like the thought of you doing it. This should be my job, and mine alone."

I whimpered loudly, pressing back against him, "I-I wont do it again."

He slipped in a third finger, causing me to moan low in my throat, burying my face into the sheets.

"Good," He kissed the top of my spine, his breath hot against my skin, "Do you think you're ready for me?"

I nodded, desperate at this point- I wasn't sure I could wait much longer.

"Yes, please just- just do it."

"So needy." He smiled as he knelt behind me, positioning himself at my entrance, his hands on my hips.

"Only for you." I looked back over my shoulder, just in time to see his eyes flash at my words, his grip on my hips tightening.

"Only for me." He pushed inside me, my body reeling as he did so, far too impatient- I pushed back, and he gasped audibly as he sheathed inside me completely. He ran his hand in a slow circle on my hip, his attitude faltering for a moment.

"Does it hurt?"

"N-No," I gasped, my eyes half-lidded, "Feels good."

"Does it?" He gave a small thrust, the heat between my legs causing vibrations in my body at the friction.

"Y-yeah."

"Do you want me to be gentle?"

I groaned softly, turning back, trying to form coherent thoughts. I met his gaze, trying to portray the honesty I wanted him to recognize as I spoke.

"I want you to do.. Whatever you feel you need to do right now."

His domineering aura from before was back in an instant, a low growl crawling from his lips as he reached forwards, gripping my hair in his hand, pulling my head back as he slammed inside of me. I couldn't hold back the cries of pleasure coming from within me, stars bursting behind my eyes as he fucked me.

"You feel so good Saeran. You look so beautiful like this, crying my name," He squeezed my ass, biting his lip softly, "And it's all for me."

"For you," I echoed, wanting him to never forget this, to never let it go, to hang onto it like a mantra, " _For you_."

He thrusted harder, his hips stuttering as he came inside me, though with his adrenaline, he was still hard- He pulled out for a moment, flipping me so I was facing him, pulling my hips above his, smiling as he leaned back on one hand, the other squeezing my hip.

"Ride me."

I sighed shakily, trying to control the quivering of my thighs as I lowered myself down onto him, my hands on his shoulders. He thrusted his hips up, and my head fell back, a broken cry of his name escaping me. He continued thrusting up into me, hitting my prostate directly, my head spinning with pleasure. I leaned my forehead onto his shoulder, my entire body shaking, my hands gripping desperately at his hair. He dug his nails into my hips, biting roughly at my neck.

"Who do you belong to."

"Y-You."

"Say my name." He gave a sharp thrust, my chest heaving as he did so.

"A-Ah..!"

He grabbed my jaw tightly in his hand, glaring into my eyes, " _Say my name_."

" _Y-Yoosung_!"

He kissed me hard, his hips never faltering in his thrusts, thrusting his tongue into my mouth. I moaned loudly as he pushed inside me one last time, bringing us both to the edge, a blinding white bursting behind my eyes as I came onto both of our chests, his filling me up for the second time.

We fell back onto the bed, our heavy breathing the only sound in the room, his arms looped loosely around my waist. He held himself up on shaky arms, pulling out slowly, his face turning red as he returned to himself, looking at the mess he had made of me.

"I'll... Go get a towel..." He backed up off of the bed, escaping into the bathroom. He returned not long after with a wet cloth, wiping my chest clean tenderly, embarrassment clear in his gaze. I reached up slowly, brushing his bangs away from his eyes, tilting his head to look at me. I smiled softly, stroking his cheek with my thumb, his skin emanating warmth.

"Do you feel better now?"

He blushed sheepishly, his eyes flicking downwards, avoiding my gaze.

"Yeah... I'm sorry..."

I shook my head, laughing softly, pulling him into a soft hug. He gingerly reciprocated, burying his face into my chest.

"That, Yoosung, was nothing to apologize for."

I could feel a small smile form on his lips against my skin, his hair nuzzling my chin.

"You liked that?"

I nodded, bringing a hand up to stroke his blonde locks, my legs tangling with his.

"You could be even rougher with me if you wanted. I just wanted you to get a chance to release some of the frustration you've been feeling, and remind you that I only do these things with you," I leaned in close, a teasing smile on my lips as I whispered into his ear, " _Master Yoosung."_

He pulled back, a fiery red blush on his face. He leaned his forehead against my shoulder, his voice small as he stuttered.

"D-Don't say that..."

I laughed softly, squeezing his sides playfully.

"What, would you rather I called you Daddy?"

He smacked my arm, glaring at me, his cheeks impossibly red now.

" _Saeran-!"_

I laughed loudly, pulling him into a kiss, my heart warming as he melted into my touch, his tongue reaching out to meet mine the way it always does, meeting me halfway, absolute perfection. I pulled away, stroking his jaw softly with my fingertips, smiling up at him lovingly.

"I love you, Yoosung."

His lips curled up into a bright grin, his eyes sparkling with happiness and relief, kissing me again, pressing his body against mine to hold me close before responding, his face pressed against my ear, his hands wrapped around me in a warm embrace.

"I love you too, Saeran."

* * *

And that's it for chapter 43!

Now- I know there's probably a lot of people out there who are like "What? Dominant Yoosung? Nah. Nope. No no." And I want to say, if that's how you see it- That's perfectly fine! But, this is *my* fanfiction, and there is a plot-related reason as to why I wrote this chapter.

Yoosung is insecure. We know this- he admitted his insecurities outright to Saeran last chapter. Saeran is not very good at reading people, and wanted desperately for Yoosung to get the chance to release the rest of the tension he felt because of his outburst previously. Yoosung isn't the type who would likely want to bring it up again, or properly talk about it, probably embarrassed for doubting Saeran at all- but Saeran knows that isn't a healthy way to deal with it. He knows Yoosung probably wants to reiterate his place in the relationship.

And so, he challenges Yoosung. He pushes him to that point, knowing Yoosung wouldn't dare go there himself. Because as much as this story I am writing is meant to highlight how Yoosung brings light into Saeran's life- I know for a fact that Saeran would help Yoosung just as much. That's the purpose of this chapter. Although yes, of course it is smutty- It has purpose.

Please keep this in mind before commenting on how dom yoosung isn't a thing c': I think Yoosung would usually sub indefinitely, but if he got jealous or his yandere qualities peak, I could definitely see Saeran submitting to him for a change.

ANYWAYS.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :D

~Pixil-8


	44. Forgiven

Hey guys! I hope you've all been well! So far, the last chapter has had a positive reaction, which is always nice and I am thankful of!

I hope you're all prepared for this one. It's gonna be feels-y. Grab tissues.

I do not own MM.

* * *

I slid the zipper shut on my bag, gazing slowly into the corner of the room where Yoosung sat- curled up in a chair, his knees bundled against his chest, his face sullen, his eyes staring off at nothing at all. I lifted the bag onto the bed, taking soft steps towards him, kneeling next to the chair, looking up at him.

"Yoosung?" I spoke tenderly, his head turning towards me, almost surprised- as though he had completely forgotten where he was, "What's wrong?"

He sighed heavily, leaning his head onto his knees for a moment before lifting it again, his eyes gazing down at the floor.

"Well, I... I noticed something."

"What?"

He began nervously playing with the strings of his hoodie, nursing his lower lip between his teeth, his gaze afraid to meet mine.

"...V's gravesite is on the way of the bus ride back home..."

I froze, taking a moment to swallow hard- it felt like a brick had formed in my throat, my body growing cold as he finally looked into my eyes, his stare earnest and solemn.

"...Oh?" My voice was small, and he unfolded himself, kneeling down in front of me, pulling my hands into his.

"Can we go visit it?"

I stared at him, my heart hammering in my chest, my hands shaking softly in his. He gave my hands a soft squeeze, his eyes bleary as he stared at me- this was something he really wanted. I took a shaky breath, closing my eyes for a moment, squeezing his hands in return as I tried to keep my composure.

"...Okay."

* * *

It was around the two hour mark that we got off the bus.

We walked along the stone path, opening the gate to the cemetery, the December air causing our breath to come out in soft clouds before our faces. I followed Yoosung as he silently walked through the isles, searching for V's gravestone. He turned, walking slowly down one long row, coming to a stop before a grey, marble headstone.

He knelt down before it, placing the rose he had picked up at the hot springs' gift shop before the stone, folding his hands back on his lap as he stared at the stone, his expression unreadable.

"V, I'm... So sorry I haven't visited," He spoke softly- I could tell that he was fighting back the need to cry, trying to be strong as he spoke, "I don't even know where to begin..." He balled his hands into fists, closing his eyes as he gathered his breath before continuing.

"I'm so sorry for how I treated you. I know everything now, and I'm so sorry... I'll be sorry forever," His lip quivered, his eyes glassing over as tears began to pool over, streaming down his cheeks, his voice breaking as he spoke, "And you'll never even know."

"I don't hate you. I don't hate you at all. I'm going to carry your memory on my shoulders forever, until I die- I won't allow myself to forget it," He brought a hand to his heart, his fingertips quivering as he clutched his shirt, "But I'm not going to do what I did when I thought Rika had died. I'm going to work hard this time- I'm going to do everything I can that would have made you proud."

His shoulders were heaving as he cried uncontrollably, his small gasps the only sound around us aside from the breeze whipping through the air.

"So please, V," He reached out gently, placing his fingers on V's name carved into the stone, "I hope you can forgive me," He leaned his forehead against it, his sobs breaking out of his throat as he wept, "Please, _please,_ forgive me, V..."

My body was shaking as I watched him, afraid to move- it felt like my blood had frozen inside of me, and it had nothing to do with the cold air around us. I sucked in a sharp breath, closing my eyes tightly before stepping towards him, kneeling close to his side, wrapping my arms around his frame, rubbing his back slowly.

I looked up at the gravestone, at the curvasive etching of his name, _Jihyun Kim,_ sitting before me, piercing through my heart. I pulled Yoosung closer, looking down at his quivering form before turning back to the stone, letting out a slow breath.

"...V, It's me."

Yoosung's head shot up as I spoke, his eyes wide. I didn't look at him, afraid I wouldn't be able to do this if I did- I kept my eyes on the stone, forcing back any anxieties and fears in my depths so I could press on.

"I know that... I did this to you. I don't deserve to ask for your forgiveness," My breath hitched as I spoke, my eyes growing glassy, "I don't think I deserve to be here with Yoosung... But, I'm sorry. I was deceived- I believed so many things about you that weren't true whatsoever, and I'm so sorry."

I bit my lip as tears welled up in my eyes, the gravity of what I was doing beginning to overcome me. Yoosung noticed this, nuzzling his face into my chest, squeezing his arms around my waist. I laid a hand on his back, focusing on his warmth to keep me grounded, using it as strength to continue.

"I'm sorry that this happened to you, and this... This is so, _so,_ selfish of me, but..." I looked down at Yoosung, his purple eyes staring up at me through his tears, "There's a small part of me that doesn't regret it."

I slid my hand into Yoosung's hair, a weak smile on my lips as he pressed into my touch.

"Things always seem to work out how they are meant to- that's something I've only just begun to see. I don't know what would have happened if I had shot someone else," I sucked in a breath, closing my eyes slowly, "I... I may have shot myself. But I'm glad I didn't, because I ended up with Saeyoung. I escaped, and now we are reconciling. He brought me into the RFA, and that.. Brought me to Yoosung," I felt his grip around me tighten, a choked sob escaping his lips as he pressed his face into my sweater, "And I'm not sorry for that."

I pressed my face into Yoosung's hair, holding him tightly against me, my tears making his blonde locks damp as I cried.

" _I'm not sorry for that at all,"_ I breathed heavily, trying to control the quaking of my shoulders to no avail, "I'll never be sorry for ending up where I did because it lead me to him. I _needed_ him- I'm so sorry that you had to go because of me, but... I'll never be sorry about where I ended up due to it."

I looked back at the gravestone, the colours blurring before me through my watery eyes.

"I hope you rest in peace. I hope somehow your soul can forgive me- But please... Just know that I will atone for my mistakes the rest of my life by taking care of him the way he has for me."

"Please rest easy. Please accept my selfish request. I'm sorry, V... But," I placed my hand against the stone, the freezing cold echoing through my fingers as I whispered, "But I'm not sorry."

I looked down at Yoosung, my heart leaping as he gazed up at me, his smile full of warmth and joy despite his tears, his cheeks red from crying and the cold. Suddenly, I felt something cold besides the wind touch my skin- Yoosung must have felt it too, his gaze turning up to the sky in surprise, his eyes widening as he saw the snow falling down upon us slowly from above.

His eyes welled up all over again, a hand flying up to his mouth to suppress his sob as he began to cry harder. I rubbed his shoulders, looking at him in confusion.

"What's wrong?"

He shook his head slowly, leaning his head against my shoulder, tremors rolling through his body.

"V... V told me once that he, he... _He loved the snow."_

He wrapped his arms around my waist as he cried, my shoulder growing damp. I pulled my arms around him, looking up at the sky, watching the snowflakes fall lazily down from the sky, large and fluffy, making beautiful patterns on our clothes.

I closed my eyes, a warmth flowing through my chest despite the cold and the snow- this was a different kind of snow.

This snow made me feel like maybe, _just maybe..._

 _I had been forgiven._

* * *

 _OKAY_ that's it for this chapter. I really wanted to write a chapter about them visiting V's gravesite. I feel like it would be a really important thing for the both of them- especially since Yoosung knows everything that's happened, and Saeran would definitely want to clear that off of his chest now that he's grown a lot since then.

I don't really know where in Korea this game is "set" in, or if it gets much snow... But let's just say it does ok .

Anyway i got really emotional writing this chapter so i'm gonna go curl up with hot chocolate and cry for a bit

Love you all, see you in the next chapter ~~

~Pixil-8


	45. Desta- Happiness

Hi everyone! I hope you're all doing fantastic! I was really pleased to see how well-received the last chapter was. 3 It was feelsy, but it was a necessary moment for them both, I think. And we're so close to the end ahh! I feel like i'm sending my child off to college lol... This story has become like, my baby. xD

Anyways, here's the next chapter! Thank you for the continued support ~

I do not own MM!

* * *

I trailed slowly along the path by the waterfront, my scarf whipping silently in the ocean breeze, hands shoved into my pockets as I walked. I ran my gaze along the horizon, the setting sun reflecting beautifully on the water. I turned to the left, smiling as I saw the bench where I had asked Yoosung to be my boyfriend just short of a year ago, the memory of that day causing me to feel warm, even despite the chilling January wind.

I closed my eyes, sighing softly at the moment of peace, the only sound being the breeze rustling beyond me, the small cries of a kitten in the distance, the ocean rippling next to me- I opened my eyes in surprise, turning around as I heard the distressed mewls again, my eyes scouring the area.

I waited a moment, holding my breath to focus, waiting for the sound, wondering if I had imagined it- until suddenly, it came again, causing me to jump a bit in surprise. I stepped forwards tentatively, trying to locate where it was coming from. My eyes fell to the trunk of a tree, my stomach lurching as I saw a torn up box sitting at the base of it, a dirty ball of fluff weakly crawling around inside.

I looked around the area, desperately hoping someone was nearby, but I was alone- there was nobody for miles. I pulled off my scarf, gingerly picking up the kitten and wrapping it in the scarf softly, running away with it as I pulled out my phone, dialling as I ran.

 _"Hello?"_

"Yoosung," I panted as I ran, turning corners as quickly as I could, "Can you come over right now? I- I need your help."

 _"What? What's wrong? Are you hurt?"_

"No, It's not me- It's a cat. I found it."

 _"What?"_

"Just come over, please! I don't know what to do..!" I was desperate, my heart pounding as the small kitten meowed up at me pathetically.

 _"Okay,"_ He breathed softly, suddenly taking in the situation, _"Okay, I'll be right there."_

* * *

I burst through the front door, wheezing as sweat dripped down my face, leaning against the wall for support.

"S-Sae... Saeyoung..!"

He came bounding down the hallway at my frantic call, his eyes wide.

"Saeran?! Are you okay?!"

My chest heaved as I leaned forwards, the scarf revealing the small kitten wrapped in the bundle in my arms. Saeyoung's eyes widened, staring at it for a moment.

"Is that... A kitten?"

I nodded slowly, looking up at him, my breathing too heavy to speak, hoping he would recognize I needed help. He turned on his heel, running towards the bathroom, quickly returning with a warm towel. He traded it for the scarf, and I wrapped the kitten up inside the towel, a small sense of relief growing inside me as the shivering rippling through the small animal's frame began to cease.

"Did you call Yoosung?"

"Y-Yeah," I spoke softly, still catching my breath from the running, "He should be here soo-"

I was cut off by a loud knock on the door, at which Saeyoung stepped around me, opening it. Yoosung knelt down next to me immediately, taking the bundled kitten from my arms to look it over. He checked its eyes and teeth, giving a quick inspection of its fur, his brow furrowed as he focused on what he was doing- I made a mental note of how cute he looked fussing over that cat.

"Well, it is thin and quite dirty, but thankfully it doesn't look like it has any infections or is sick. It's got no bumps on its body, either, or missing fur. With a bath and proper feeding, it should be okay."

I nodded, my anxiety beginning to wash away as I stared at the kitten, its eyes almost stuck together with dirt.

"But, what do we do with it?" Saeyoung spoke tentatively as he looked down at us, unsure of what else to do in this situation. Yoosung sighed loudly, running a hand through his hair.

"I'm guessing that the person who had it didn't want it, so they threw it away. Unfortunately a lot of kittens and dogs are ending up like that lately... We could take it to a shelter."

I barely registered what he said as the kitten cracked one eye open, meeting my gaze, its yellow-green orbs staring back up at me, giving a soft, gentle meow.

"...I'll take care of it."

They both turned to look at me, surprised. Saeyoung stepped forwards, his eyebrows raised incredulously.

"Sarean..?"

I took the bundle from Yoosung's arms, touching the kitten's head softly, a small blush on my face as it began to purr happily. Yoosung smiled at me, tilting his head at me.

"I think it likes you."

I continued to pet it slowly, watching as it nuzzled into my fingertips cutely. Yoosung placed a hand on my elbow, and I looked up at him for a moment, ceasing my attention on the kitten.

"What will you name her?"

I looked back towards the kitten, smiling a bit as it mewled up at me, its whiskers tickling my fingers, and I found I couldn't help but feel happy when I looked down at her.

"...Desta."

Happiness.

Yoosung smiled, his eyes sparkling warmly at me, rubbing my elbow softly.

"I love that name."

I smiled at him a bit, stroking the kitten's cheek.

"Will you.. help me take care of it?"

Yoosung nodded, his smile growing wider as he took his bag off of his back, setting it onto the floor next to him.

"Of course, Saeran. I brought some kitten shampoo from school- you're lucky you caught me right when I was about to leave! I'm gonna start running some warm water in the sink so we can give this poor girl a bath." He stood up, turning on his heel, walking into the kitchen. I looked back down at Desta, who was now nuzzling into the blanket, pressed up against my chest.

Saeyoung looked at me, a mixture of uncertainty and pride on his face.

"Are you sure, Saeran?"

I nodded slowly, looking into his eyes firmly, holding his gaze so he could see that I was earnest.

"I know it seems odd for me.. But, I just feel that I need to," I looked down ad the kitten, stroking under its chin, "Not just for the cat's sake."

Saeyoung sighed, smiling a bit at me, ruffling my hair.

"That's very mature of you."

I stepped back, giving him a small glare, the smile on my lips betraying me.

"And you're the one to talk about maturity?"

Saeyoung shot finger guns at me, giving an animated wink along with the action, causing me to roll my eyes. Yoosung popped his head around the corner in that moment, laughing softly.

"Saeyoung, can you stop being weird for like five minutes so we can bathe this kitten?"

I walked by my brother, smirking over my shoulder.

"I don't think he's capable of stopping for more than a few seconds, let alone five minutes."

Saeyoung held his hands to his side, gasping dramatically, pretending to have been stabbed.

" _Saeran_ ," He breathed, throwing his head back with flair, "I'm _wounded_! So cruel."

I smirked as I walked over to the sink, placing the towel on the countertop. Saeyoung turned to Yoosung, an indignant pout on his lips.

"Yoosung, you've made my brother sassy."

Yoosung laughed, shaking his head slowly, a contented smile on his lips.

"I think he was already sassy."

I tilted my head back, looking at Yoosung through the corner of my eye.

"Yoosung, come help me bathe the kitten."

Yoosung grinned in my direction, practically skipping over to me, sliding his hands slowly over my hips, trailing them along my lower back as he leaned up on his tiptoes, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. He giggled as he pulled away, and I smiled down at him, watching as he began to lather up his hands in shampoo, taking the kitten gently in his hands, cleaning her fur under the water. I watched him work so I could learn how to do it myself, opting to stand behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind, my head leaning on his shoulder. He nuzzled my head with his softly, smiling happily as I gave his ear a soft kiss.

He rinsed the soap off of Desta, and she mewed up at us, sounding happier already to be clean and free of all the dirt matting her fur together. I slid my arms along Yoosung's, placing my hands over his, so both of our hands were holding Desta, and I could feel him blushing happily against my cheek. I smiled, my eyes trailing over the sight of our hands holding this small creature, together.

Maybe this is what a family feels like.

* * *

That's it for this chapter!

The thought of Yoosung and Saeran bathing a lil baby kitten together just... stabs me in the soul. Someone save me. I'm dead ;0;

I hope you guys liked this chapter! Only 4 more to go! So many emotions rn...

See you soon!

~Pixil-8


	46. Brotherly Reassurance

Hey everyone! I hope everyone is well! I'm going to try my best to have this fanfic done by the 24th- I'm flying to my hometown for christmas, and then helping my significant other move out here, so i will be busy from the 24th until January 1st. So I want to try and get it done before then. Here's hoping- I don't want to keep you guys waiting too long!

Thank you for sticking with me through it all 3

I do not own MM!

* * *

I walked alongside Jade and Saeyoung as they browsed amongst the store windows- now that it was the very end of January, it was getting very close to their due date. They told me about the pregnancy in August- at that point Jade was already around a month and a half along. They had finished the preparations for the baby's room, opting to have a daytime room in place of what used to be a storage room, and have the baby sleep in their bedroom to make it easier in case it woke up at night.

I had wanted to spend the day curled up in bed, as I had a lot on my mind as of late- Yoosung's birthday was coming up soon- in a little over a month, to be exact. I had been racking my brain trying to think of what to give him, and I had come up with several ideas, but nothing seemed like enough, nothing had the amount of gravity that I wanted, and I had no idea what to do.

"So," Saeyoung's voice broke the silence in the air, startling me a bit, "Yoosung's birthday is coming up. What are you thinking about getting him?"

I cursed inwardly, rolling my eyes as once again, he read my mind. I sighed, shoving my hands into my pockets, staring at the sidewalk in front of me.

"...I don't know."

"You haven't thought about it?" He raised an eyebrow at me quizzically, and I blushed, darting my eyes away again.

"I have."

"And?"

I stopped walking, annoyed with how he was pestering me, knowing he was doing it on purpose.

"... I dont know."

A smirk spread on his lips, a knowing twinkle in his eye as he looked me over.

"Ahh, so you mean you don't know if you _should_."

I shrugged, rubbing my neck awkwardly, wishing he would just stop staring at me.

"I guess."

He nodded, beaming at me, patting my shoulder gently.

"I get you."

I shrugged his hand off, glaring at him under the line of my bangs. Jade stared at us both, her brows tied together in clear confusion, pointing to the side gingerly.

"Um, I'm going to go look in here for a bit, okay?" She left quickly, clearly seeing Saeyoung wanted to talk to me alone, and she had no idea what we were talking about.

"We'll be here!" Saeyoung waved her off, a bright grin on his face as he watched her leave, whipping his gaze back to me as soon as she disappeared inside the store, the knowing smirk from before quickly replacing his smile, a single eyebrow raised at me in anticipation.

"So."

I looked off to the side, glaring as Saeyoung side-stepped, following my line of vision, "So?"

He smiled at me, shaking his head at my annoyance.

"I think I can take a wild guess as to what you were thinking of getting him, Saeran."

I scuffed the snow by my feet- most of it had begun to melt already, only small patches of it strayed about on the ground. I kicked at it gently, glaring down at my feet.

"Yeah, well..."

"What are you worried about?"

I sighed, staring up at him, dropping my annoyed front- secretly I had wanted to talk to him about this- as much as he annoyed me incessantly, I knew that he was the only one who would be able to listen to me without judgement, and understand my feelings about the situation. I looked at him nervously, wringing my hands in front of me in an attempt to quell the anxious sensations forming inside my heart.

"... Isn't it too soon? We've only been together just barely over a year..."

He smiled at me widely, shaking his head as he laughed.

"I asked Jade to marry me a month after meeting her."

I sighed loudly, rubbing my forehead, closing my eyes tightly.

"Yeah, that's true, but... I just..."

Saeyoung pulled my hand away from my face, holding it gently in his, his teasing demeanour completely gone, the look on his face completely genuine.

"Saeran, Yoosung is crazy about you. You're also his first real love- I can almost guarantee that he would be ecstatic if you asked him to marry you."

I stared at his hand in mine, holding it firmly, an act of reassurance. I sighed, squeezing his hand back gently, a silent thank you, one I still couldn't quite voice.

"I just don't know how I should do it. He's done so much for me, and I just... Want it to be something he'll cherish. He deserves that."

He stretched his arms behind his back, looking up to the sky contemplatively.

"Hmm. I would recommend a trip, but you did that as a Christmas gift," I nodded at his point, sighing to myself at the frustration of not knowing what to do. He smiled at me again, placing his hand on my shoulder gently, gazing at me earnestly, "I think that whatever you decide will make him happy- Yoosung is easy to please, for one."

I smiled a bit, looking at the ground again.

"That's true."

He continued to smile at me, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"I'm proud of you."

I tilted my head at him, genuinely confused at his words- I didn't think I had done anything particularly worthy of pride.

"For what?"

"You've come so far since we got you out of Mint Eye," I could see his eyes watering behind his glasses, his face full of so many emotions as he continued, "I'm just really proud of you for that."

I blushed a bit, nodding slowly, staring at the ground between us.

"Thank you... For not giving up on me."

He pinched my cheeks, tilting my head side to side as he grinned.

"How could I give up on my adorable little brother?!"

I smacked his hands away, glaring at him harshly, "I will murder you."

Jade appeared from behind him, a concerned smile on her face as she walked towards us.

"Um, did I miss something..?"

* * *

And that's all for this chapter! Poor Jade... She'll never understand the twin's and their antics.

~Pixil-8


	47. Labour

HELLO. I literally just finished writing Chapter 46 and I'm going onto this one. Trying to get these done so I can try to fill out a few of the tumblr prompts waiting in my inbox before I have to vanish for a week and a half. ;0; Okokokok let's gO

I do not own MM!

* * *

It was 4 in the morning when I heard the scream.

I bolted out of my room, running towards the kitchen clumsily, squinting to adjust to the lights and erase the bleariness of my half-awake state. I saw Jade leaning against the counter, her eyes blown wide, a small puddle of fluids around her feet, trickling down her legs as she clutched her stomach.

"Get Saeyoung."

* * *

Before I knew it, we were in the car, Saeyoung speeding down the highway, myself in the backseat with Jade, holding her hand as she tried to steady her breathing through the contractions that were reaping her body. I looked at my brother, sweat forming on his forehead- she was going into labour two weeks before her due date, and it was easy to see that the shock of it being early was getting to him.

We arrived to the hospital very quickly- Saeyoung dropped us off at the door, allowing me to help Jade inside as Saeyoung went off to park, running back towards us as fast as he could. He ran up to the desk, explaining the situation hastily, a nurse coming over in seconds with a wheelchair, running her off. I stood frozen just beyond the doorway, looking anxiously at my brother, feeling woozy, panic bubbling in my abdomen.

"I'll... Wait in the waiting room. I don't think I can watch this. Come get me as soon as she's alright."

Saeyoung nodded, running after her down the hallway. I watched them turn the corner before asking a nurse where the waiting room was, making my way to it. I sat down in one of the chairs, pulling out my phone, sending Yoosung a quick text to let him know that Jade had gone into labour. I put it away, not expecting a reply since it was so late, shocked when my phone buzzed almost a minute after.

 _"Oh my god! Do you want me to come wait with you?! D:"_

I laughed softly, shaking my head as I replied.

 _"No, I'm okay. I just really don't think I can watch it happen. I'll let you know what happens. Go back to sleep."_

 _"Okay. Text me as soon as you know how they're doing! And send me pictures of the baby *~* I wanna see the new member of the Choi family~"_

I laughed, reassuring him that I would definitely send him pictures as soon as everything was alright, all of my nerves washing away just by these simple texts with him. I held the phone in my hands, leaning my head back against the wall, my exhaustion overcoming me as I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

* * *

I sat up in surprise as someone shook me awake, turning to the side, my tired gaze falling upon a nurse. She smiled at me happily, nodding at me.

"Your brother asked for you."

I followed her down the hall, squeezing my phone in my pocket as we came closer and closer to the hospital room. She gestured towards the door, and I opened in slowly, stepping inside, Saeyoung and Jade turning to me, smiling and teary-eyed.

In each of their hands, they held a baby, both of them with small formations of red curls on their heads, bright gold eyes searching around the room curiously. Saeyoung looked up at me, unable to break the grin on his face, tears streaming down his face.

"They're- It's twins. Just like us, Saeran."

I felt overwhelmed as I stared at them, nerves, wonder, apprehension, and many other emotions I couldn't quite name swirling inside of me as one of the babies stared up at me. Saeyoung gestured towards the one in his hands, still smiling at me.

"Do you want to hold one?"

"Uh... Sure..." I took the baby gingerly, feeling anxious as I wrapped my arms around it, supporting its head with one of my hands, my other arm supporting its body.

"It's a boy and a girl," Saeyoung took off his glasses, wiping one of his eyes with his sleeve, "You're holding your niece, Saeran."

"My... Niece." I repeated the words softly as I kept looking at the child in my arms, terrified by the concept, but also intrigued. It looked up at me, its golden eyes sparkling in the sunlight that was beginning to pool in the window.

"It has your eyes."

Jade laughed softly, stroking the curls on her son's head.

"And hair. I wonder if they picked up his crazy personality too."

Saeyoung grinned, leaning over to her, placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

"You love my crazy personality."

I looked back at the baby in my arms, holding it steady in one of my arms, touching its hand gently with my own. It grabbed onto my finger, pulling on it softly. I blinked down at it, not moving my hand as it tugged on my fingertip.

"It's holding my finger."

Saeyoung stood next to me, smiling at us both, stroking her hair with his thumb.

"How do you feel?"

"...Scared i'm gonna drop it."

Saeyoung laughed, shaking his head, "That's pretty normal I think- But, how do you feel other than that?"

I smiled a little, slightly amused as the baby now held my finger with both hands, staring at it with wide, curious eyes.

"Not as scared as I felt before. And... I think I understand something else now."

"Yeah?"

I looked up at him, holding my gaze on his as I continued.

"Yeah. I know what I have to do now."

He smiled at me, nodding with understanding, not needing me to say anymore. Jade looked between us both, sighing under her breath, a defeated smile on her face.

"I've resigned myself to never understanding what you two are talking about."

"It's a twin thing." We looked at each other as we spoke at the same time, both of us laughing softly at the occurrence, Jade laughing as well. She stared back at her son, smiling down at him.

"I wonder if they'll be like that."

I shrugged softly as my niece began to suck on my finger, smiling down at it.

"I guess we'll see."

We'll see about a lot of things.

* * *

Okay i'm like building suspense like a dickhead I know so i'm gonna try and write the next chapter now too cause I have time so why nawt amirite

but seriously choI BABIESSSS

~Pixil-8


	48. For You, By You, With You

Hello! Okay so last chapter Jade gave birth, and after seeing his new niece and nephew, Saeran came to realize something and make a decision. What could it possibly be? ( I think you all know. :3)

I do not own MM!

* * *

I looked around the hall, double-checking to make sure everything was in place and ready to go. I had spent all day preparing the empty hall I had rented, decorating it so that it was all perfect. I hung framed letters on the walls, all written in my own handwriting, trails of candles forming the pathway from one letter to the next, ending in the centre at the back of the room where I stood, hidden just far enough away that I was shrouded in darkness, a remote in my hands. I let out a shaky breath, my hands feeling clammy as I pulled out my phone, dialling Saeyoung's number.

He answered almost immediately, and I took a second to catch my breath before I spoke.

"Everything is ready now- you told him you two were hanging out?"

"Yeah! I'm gonna tell him I forgot something and to go on ahead of me while I go back and get it. He thinks we're going to a LOLOL meetup."

I let out a low breath, my hands shaking as I nodded.

"Okay... Okay."

"You alright?"

I could hear the whirring of his car in the background- he was probably on his way to pick up Yoosung right now.

"Yeah... Nervous."

"It'll be great."

I sighed, closing my eyes softly, squeezing the remote in my hand.

"...Yeah."

"Hey. I believe in you, little bro."

I nodded to myself, acknowledging his words more to myself than anything else.

"Thank you."

I hung up the phone, turning it off, shoving it in my back pocket, staring anxiously at the door as I waited for Yoosung to arrive.

* * *

It was only about 15 minutes until I heard the door open, my breath hitching as Yoosung poked his head inside, confusion written on his face as he stared at the scene before him.

"Hello-? Is this the wrong place..? What is all this?" He stepped forwards, probably out of sheer curiosity, following the pathway that the candles formed, gazing up at the first letter it lead to.

 ** _I never believed in living._**

 ** _In my eyes, life was a sick joke-_**

 ** _something that could never bring any good to anyone,_**

 ** _something just meant to torture us,_**

 ** _to see how far it could push us before we broke._**

 ** _I thought like that for a long time-_**

 ** _and then I met you, and that changed._**

Yoosung brought his hands to his mouth, tears forming in his eyes as he finished the first letter, knowing who it was from. I watched him silently as he followed the path to the next one, stifling his sobs behind his hand.

 ** _I met you in an unorthodox way._**

 ** _I couldn't understand why you followed me._**

 ** _I was intimidated, scared, and confused._**

 ** _You terrified me- but you made me feel safe at the same time._**

 ** _I didn't think anyone like you could exist,_**

 ** _Someone so pure, and loving, and beautiful,_**

 ** _But yet, here you are. The epitome of wonder and innocence in my eyes._**

He walked to the next one, wiping his eyes on his sleeve, tears streaming down his cheeks now.

 ** _At first, you became the first friend I've ever had._**

 ** _The first person aside from Saeyoung and Jade that I opened up to, and felt welcome around-_**

 ** _Except still, on a bigger scale. You're special, you're different._**

 ** _Sometimes I can't find words to describe how important you are._**

 ** _Soon enough, before I even really recognized it, I was in love with you._**

 ** _I was in love with you from day one-_**

 ** _I just didn't understand what those things meant._**

 ** _Every day I spent with you just became a bigger and greater manifestation of those feelings,_**

 ** _Leading up to where we are, here, right now._**

He couldn't control the teary smile on his face as he walked towards the last paper, his lavender eyes glowing in the candlelight, illuminating the tears on his cheeks.

 ** _You've become the biggest thing in my life._**

 ** _You are the one that brought meaning to my existence._**

 ** _Everything made sense when I met you._**

 ** _Without you, I am nothing- but with you, I am everything._**

 ** _You are an extension of myself- my other half._**

 ** _You are the sunshine after the rain._**

 ** _You are the warmth in the morning sun._**

 ** _You are the only shooting star I would ever wish upon._**

 ** _And with this, I have written enough._**

 ** _Follow the path._**

 ** _I love you._**

He turned his gaze upon the last of the candles, walking slowly along them, his hands covering his nose and mouth as he neared me. Soon he was barely a foot away, and I pressed the switch, watching Yoosung gasp as the lights I had strung all behind me illuminated, creating a starry-night-sky effect behind my form, casting light around my body.

His hands were shaking, still covering his face as he looked at me, tears still falling steadily from his eyes. He lowered his hands slowly, shaking his head in shock.

"S-Saeran... You... Did all this for me..?"

I stepped forwards, pulling his hands away from his face gently, lacing my fingers into his, my face burning with heat as I blushed, gazing at him through my lashes.

"Of course... I was worried I wouldn't be able to say everything properly, so I tried to get most of it out this way."

Yoosung laughed under his breath, still in disbelief of the lengths I had gone through, shaking his head again.

"Saeran... It's beautiful, but why-?"

I stared into his eyes, trying to quell my nerves, fighting to keep my hands from shaking.

"Yoosung... You became the person I needed in a time where I tried to force everyone away. I didn't think I deserved human contact- part of me still doesn't- but I'm at a place where I can try to accept it now, because of you."

I squeezed his hands in mine, stepping closer to him, our hands pressed between us as I continued looking into his eyes, which were shining up at me through his tears.

"You think you're just an ordinary college student, and that you aren't particularly fantastic in any way," I let out a soft breath, one of my hands coming up to stroke his cheek tenderly, a soft sob escaping his lips as I did so, "You're so wrong. You're the best person I know. Nobody else pales in comparison. Nobody can hold a candle to you-" I gazed at the candles in the room, laughing softly under my breath, "Um, no pun intended."

He giggled through his tears, shaking his head gently at my joke. I closed my eyes for a second to gather my thoughts, squeezing his hand in mine.

"I'm kind of rambling now, but... I just need you to know how much.. How much you matter to me, so..."

I looked at him again, smiling gently at him, "Yoosung Kim," I bowed down onto one knee, looking up at him as he began to cry harder, one hand flying up to cover his mouth as he sobbed, "Will you marry-"

I didn't get a chance to finish as he tackled me to the ground, crying into my shoulder, shaking his head as he did so.

"Yes! Oh my _god,_ Saeran, _YES!"_

I hugged him tightly, laughing into his hair as he cried, rubbing his back softly.

"You didn't even let me finish, you dork."

He sat up a bit, shaking his head, smiling ear to ear, his tears dripping down onto my face.

"I'm sorry, I'm just- I'm so happy-" He buried his face into my chest, a laugh of joy and disbelief escaping him, "I'm so _happy-!"_

I tilted his head up softly, wiping his tears away with my thumbs, lovingly staring into his eyes.

"You deserve all the happiness in the world."

He smiled, leaning down to me, kissing me tenderly. I slid my hands into his hair, returning the action fervently, feeling tears sting my own eyes as I was overwhelmed with my love for him. I felt one of his hands slide down over my chest, resting above my heart, his lips curling into a smile against my own before pulling away gently, sitting up on the floor, pulling me up with him. I leaned my forehead against his, pecking his lips one more time before reaching into my pocket, pulling out the box I had wanted to before I was tackled in joy.

I opened it, looking up at him to see his reaction, and he grinned, hiding his smile behind his hand as he looked down at it in wonder. It was a silver ring, with a gold band circling around the middle, a diamond resting in the top centre of the band, level with the rest of the ring. Tears streamed from his eyes as he stared at it before looking up at me slowly, adoration in his eyes.

"I love it," He breathed, his voice shaking as he spoke, his grin still plastered onto his face, "I love it...!"

"Can... Can I put it on you..?"

He nodded fervently, and I reached for his left hand, gently sliding the ring onto it, my hands shaking slightly as I did so. I stared at the ring on his finger, rubbing my thumb over it delicately.

"I know I might mess up sometimes... And I won't always know what to do, or say, but... With you, I will do everything I can to be good to you. You make me want to try to be a softer person."

Yoosung brought my hand up to his lips carefully, kissing it lightly, his eyes smiling at me.

"You're already soft. You just try to act like you're not."

I smiled a bit, running my thumb along his lip, laughing as he gave it a quick kiss.

"I guess that's true."

He grinned, throwing his arms around me, pulling me against him again as he hugged me.

"God, I can't believe this. It feels like a dream..."

I kissed his ear tenderly, wrapping my arms firmly around his waist.

"I'm glad it isn't a dream."

Yoosung pulled back a bit, pressing his lips to mine once more, and I could feel the ecstasy emanating from his movements. I sighed in content against his lips, sliding my hands up along his back, his warmth seeping into my fingertips, into my soul.

When I think back, my life could have been so much different. Just two years ago I was saved from Mint Eye, and brought into the real world- not once did I imagine I would ever end up like this, holding the person I loved, engaged to marry them, to spend the rest of my existence with them by my side.

My life could have been so different.

I'm thankful it wasn't.

I'm so glad I lived.

* * *

ahhhhhhHHHHHHH MARRIAGE :D ENGAGEMENT! LOVE! HAPPINESS! HAPPINESS SAERAN AND YOOSUNG DESERVEHIELWR;UEW

okay i know this seems like an ending- but it isn't! There's oNE MORE CHAPTER!

Please look forward to it! 3 I'm going to write it when I get home :D

I love you all!

~Pixil-8


	49. A Silver Lining

Hello everyone!

Alright guys- this is it! The finale chapter to Silver Lining! I don't want to put a bunch of sappy stuff at the beginning of the story- so i'll save it for the end. (:

I do not own MM!

* * *

My name is Saeran Kim-Choi.

I have been married to my best friend for 3 years now.

Yoosung graduated at the top of his class- the first to get his PhD, and now is the head veterinarian at a clinic full-time. He wakes up passionate every morning, driven by the joy he gets helping these animals, and the people who love them- his cheerful personality seems to infect all of the animals he treats, and his high success rate of helping them has made his clinic very popular.

I continued on with my modelling career, now doing small acting parts on local Television shows, as well as modelling clothing for famous clothing companies. Jumin Han hired Zen and I to do a dual-shoot for his company, and since it ended up being a fairly long process, Zen and I came to know each other pretty well, resulting in us being pretty good friends.

Zen and Jumin started dating about a year ago, finally halting their cat-and-dog act and admitting that they liked each other, though, not much has changed. Zen still yells at him about being a trust fund jerk, and Jumin still makes awful jokes about money and points out Zen's narcissism on the regular- the only difference is now, Jumin often kissed him to make him stop complaining, and most times it worked.

Jaehee had quit working under Jumin's reign- she opened up a coffee shop around half a year ago, running it with a sweet person that she had been seeing for the past two years now. She seems much happier, though there is no hard feelings between herself and Jumin- he was actually incredibly supportive about her leave, acknowledging that her significant other had made her realize what she truly wanted in life. She tells everyone that her lover is what gave her the strength to finally do something for herself, and she couldn't thank them enough.

Jade and Saeyoung's son, Ryung, and daughter, Mi-Cha, were now both 3 years old, as wild as Saeyoung himself. Yoosung and I babysat when we could, trying to give them a night off whenever possible. While they were wild and eccentric, they were also proving to be incredible geniuses- they began babbling around 3 months old, saying their first words at 6 months, which were _cat_ and _honey_ respectively. Jade looked devastated that their first words were related to cats and honey buddha chips, but I swear I'd never seen Saeyoung look so proud.

Yoosung and I moved in together after our wedding. We bought a condo together in a high-rise; a beautiful, spacious two bedroom that had an en-suite bathroom, another bathroom in the hall, and an open kitchen. It had an island countertop, and large windows in the living room area, giving us a beautiful view of the ocean to the west.

We often spent our nights curled up on our couch, watching the sunset fall over the ocean horizon, just relaxing in each other's touch, talking about our day, expressing our menial thoughts- this was our nighttime ritual, just basking in the other's presence, our two cats- Desta and Freya- curling around us.

Over the past few years, I have gotten a much better hold on my anxiety. I'm still very quiet and reserved, but I find it much easier to laugh and joke around with the others now. I can spend time away from Yoosung without feeling lost, and have learned to appreciate and value the meaning in spending time on my own.

I gazed down at my husband, his head laying softly upon my chest, his face glowing in the warm shine of the sunset pouring in through the windows, his eyes dancing beneath closed lids as he rested. His shoulders rose and fell slowly, his arms wrapped around my waist, legs tangled with mine. I brushed some of his brown hair from his eyes, smiling at his natural colour- he had stopped bleaching it shortly after we got married. In his words, " _I want to be completely myself around you."_ I kissed his forehead tenderly, smiling as I took in his comforting, earthy scent.

"Are you sleeping?" I spoke softly, playing with a strand of his hair.

"Mmmmno..." He tilted his head up towards me, droopy eyes opening up to meet my gaze, "I am sleepy though."

I laughed softly, bringing both of my hands up to play with his hair, the soft strands sliding through my fingers.

"I can see that."

Yoosung brought one of his hands up to my face, lightly stroking my cheek, a wistful smile on his lips as he stared into my eyes.

"Your eyes look beautiful in the sunset."

I smiled at him, leaning into his touch.

"You say that every night when we watch the sunset."

"Doesn't make it any less true," He scooted upwards so our chests were pressed together, his face looking directly into mine as he grinned, "Can I not be crazy about my husband?" He started to pout, sticking his lip out at me, mustering his best puppy-dog look. I laughed softly, shaking my head at him.

"Some things just never change..."

"What do you mean?" He tilted his head at me, a strand of his hair falling into his eyes.

"You're just as adorable and childish as ever."

"Childish?!" He gasped loudly, placing a hand on his chest in mock offence.

"Hmm," I tapped my chin in a jokingly contemplative manner, "More like spoiled."

Yoosung smiled mischievously, sitting up and straddling my hips, running his hands over my shoulders, massaging them softly.

"Well, when somebody spoils me all the time, I can't help but act that way."

I smiled serenely up at him, trailing my hands along his waist, my gaze trailing along his shoulder where his sweater exposed the skin there tantalizingly.

"I can't resist those eyes of yours. They beg me to spoil them."

He giggled, placing one of his hands in my hair, running his fingers through it gently.

"I wish you'd let me spoil you more, too."

"You do enough."

Yoosung leaned in, nuzzling his nose against mine softly.

"I want to do more." He whispered softly, his lavender eyes sparkling at me. I ran my hand along his left arm, bringing his hand up between our faces, kissing his wedding ring carefully, holding his gaze.

"This is enough for me."

Yoosung grinned, pushing my shoulder teasingly.

"Saeran, you're so cheesy."

I ran my hand up along his back, playing with the hair at the base of his neck.

"Your fault."

He grinned, leaning into kiss me, his giggles vibrating in my mouth. He pulled away slightly to look at me, his eyes glowing with the sunlight, his form illuminated by the shine, making him look absolutely ethereal, like the angel he was.

"I love you, Saeran."

I smiled up at him, lacing my fingers into his, my heart swelling as I looked at him.

My life, my presence, and my mind- it was a storm, before he came. Ready to destroy anything and everything at any given moment- ready to destroy myself. I had little to no self control, and not a sliver of an idea of how to control it, and come to terms with it- and then he came, and literally fell on me, and the storm clouds parted, even a sliver- and there it was.

A silver lining.

"I love you too."

 **THE END.**

* * *

God, I'm really emotional right now. Who knew writing a fanfiction would be so emotionally investing for me when I started writing them back in like, 2008...? God. Haha.

Before I write my sappy note, I want to clarify something I attempted to imply using pronouns alone, but just in case, I want to reiterate it- The person Jaehee is dating is gender-neutral, using they/them pronouns alone. (: I just wanted to make it completely clear that that was the case ~

Okay, this is just going to be some really sappy stuff so you all don't have to read it if you don't want to, but I just wanna let it out.

I started this story on November 11, 2016. I made my tumblr, pansexualtrash, on November 6. I made a whole new tumblr for the sole reason of being such a fan of Mystic Messenger, and wanting easier access to posts and content. And by November 7th/8th, i was posting Yooran related things, and searching for them. There was barely any Yooran content, and I was so sad because as soon as I recognized the ship, I fell in love with it- I wanted more, I saw so much potential, and I just felt so sad that there was so little (although what was there was amazing, prime content and I cried alot over it all)

And so I began to get inspired- which was something that was incredible, in and of itself. You see, my old fanfiction account, Hitomi Echo- I abandoned it. My depression and my past addiction had such a strong hold on me... I lost all of my artistic drive. I couldn't draw, or write for years. Even singing was difficult for me at that time in my life.

By the time I had gotten better and felt that I could write again- I didn't remember which email my account was connected to, or the info for it at all. I tried contact the site about it, but with now way to truly prove it is mine, I have no access to it now. So I had given up, thinking maybe it was a sign to stop writing fanfiction- mine were never very good at all, and i thought that I would be wasting my time. Until I found Mystic Messenger- and yes, there's a load of multi-shipping that I experience with it- but I just got so inspired, something I haven't felt because of a fandom in such a long time, and it was exhilarating.

I started by writing Innocence, and then Under the Veil, and then Deadly Obsession, and then I thought of the idea for Silver Lining. I got so pumped- I had so many ideas in my head of what Yoosung and Saeran's relationship would grow to be like, the steps they would take, the savoury romance that they would experience, falling in love with not only each other, but the broken parts of themselves, and I adored that, having grown up fairly broken myself. This kind of ship brings joy to my heart, the kind of ship where not just one character saves the other, but where they explicitly benefit each other, together, as a unit, and I feel that Yooran would be this ship.

My vision of Saeran (as you have seen) is a very self-doubting, anxious, fearful one. He sees the beauty in Yoosung immediately, thinking he doesn't deserve such an amazing person whatsoever, afraid to bring his own hell into such a pure person's life- and while this whole story is from Saeran's POV, I did everything I could to express that Yoosung too, saw the greatness in Saeran even upon first meeting him. Even if he didn't realize it at first, being pretty oblivious to everything, he was in love with Saeran at the start, holding him close in his heart.

They were necessary for each other- not just Yoosung for Saeran. Saeran showed Yoosung the greatness in himself, the wonderful qualities he has that he couldn't express before. I always hated that he talked about himself being lesser than Jumin, or Zen, or Seven, when we all know that he has amazing qualities- loyalty, kindness, the purest kind of infectious attitude that he gives to those around him. I know that Saeran would show him those things.

Writing this story has meant a lot to me. I've never felt so invested in, or attached to a fanfiction I've written before. I poured so many feelings into it- the way I wrote Saeran is the same way I have felt many times in my life. I poured a lot of myself, and my past experiences into his character, and so this story has a lot of personal dialect and emotion inside of it-of which I hope many of you have felt and experienced throughout the journey of reading this.

I feel really emotional that it is now done- I'm a very fast typer, so having written 49 Chapters, roughly 76k words, in 33 days alone feels like it has flown by. I am very proud of myself- 50k to 80k is a usual range word-count for Young Adult/Teen Novels. So essentially, I have created a novel's worth of a lone Yoosung x Saeran story for you all to enjoy, and all I can remember of the me in the past, was always quitting halfway, getting discouraged with myself, my talents, my writing, allowing the people who criticized me to get to me too deeply, never finishing what I started- and I'm so glad that this wasn't the case.

I wanted to create the sensation of a pure love, of a sensational, life-changing love. One that had many fears, many heartaches, many stresses- but always fell back on that deep, irreplaceable love that these two posess. (Well- that I believe they would.)

I hope that I have created that sensation for all of you. You've all been so supportive, and wonderful, and I can't thank you enough. You were the inspiration and motivation to keep me writing multitudes of new chapters every week. Thank you all so much for sticking with me through this- I've made so many friends because of this story, and it has been an incredible experience.

I can't wait to write more for you all, and meet more and more of you.

I hope this story made you feel something. I hope that it brought something to your heart. I hope that it made you feel something good.

That's all I want.

I love you all- And thank you.

I look forward to what comes next. I hope you do, too.

~Pixil-8


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